Unsure about my [26f] boyfriend [28m] wanting my sister [19f] to go to a laundromat bc of covid

So long story short, my sister used to live with us but rented a place down the street about a year ago. She accepted the place having our agreement she could use our washing machine as the unit did not have one.

She texted me at work asking if she could come over to do laundry today bc a pipe burst and wet her closet. I asked my boyfriend, more about the timing than for his permission if that makes sense? So I was pretty surprised when he said no, tell her she has to go to a laundromat until the virus has “passed”.

I was stunned but this is his place too so I don’t know how much of a “right” I have to argue. But we had given our word so I asked him what I was supposed to say to her and he shrugged and walked out.

I think the biggest part that bothers me is he is still going out and about and I work at a grocery store and he hasn’t said a peep about that except having me be careful about removing my clothes into bags and showering first.

I know he has some anxieties but he feels they aren’t severe enough to go to a therapist over but I think they’ve increased since this outbreak. They’re usually mostly about public speaking and phone calls or things like checking repetitively that the garage is locked more often but are more about stockpiling, checking our “inventory” and not speaking loudly about it so neighbors won’t know what we have, and excessively spraying packages off now. But I do get his anxieties don’t maintain consistency in all areas and I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to respect that and when I need to be firm about him self-regulating to be reasonable.

He got very upset that I carried a pack of toilet paper downstairs for my brother uncovered so now our neighbors know we have toilet paper but he apologized when he calmed down.

I’m hurt that if he is that afraid of the virus that he thinks my sister, who is staying home from work and not going out and hasn’t had contact with anyone except the plumber that came to her unit, is so much of a danger that she should go to a public laundromat and risk contamination rather than come to our place while he went to Taco Bell and a gas station shortly before today.

I’m also baffled bc a few days ago he said if we go into quarantine she should stay with us instead of being alone as our neighborhood isn’t the best.

Idk I’m very tired from unloading trucks and am about to get my period so I’m trying to get some space and respect that he pays half the rent, etc. but I’m having a hard go of it and I think if we talk about it now it’s just going to be a jumbled mess of miscommunication while trying to figure out exactly what we’re thinking/feeling.

I also don’t know how to tell my sister no without making her ask why or make him out to be the bad guy. She knows I’m still working so even though I’m also staying home outside of work bc grocery stores are a huge vector and I don’t want to be a link in a chain of infection I’m still way more of a risk to my bf than her?? My boyfriend said he was going to start staying home too but hasn’t yet so I know that would hurt her feelings.

Tl;dr: sister was told she could use our laundry, boyfriend wants her to go to a public laundromat until covid has passed. I’m hurt bc he’s basically saying if he’s that afraid of the virus my sister should go get sick.

Submitted March 17, 2020 at 11:52PM

So long story short, my sister used to live with us but rented a place down the street about a year ago. She accepted the place having our agreement she could use our washing machine as the unit did not have one.She texted me at work asking if she could come over to do laundry today bc a pipe burst and wet her closet. I asked my boyfriend, more about the timing than for his permission if that makes sense? So I was pretty surprised when he said no, tell her she has to go to a laundromat until the virus has “passed”.I was stunned but this is his place too so I don’t know how much of a “right” I have to argue. But we had given our word so I asked him what I was supposed to say to her and he shrugged and walked out.I think the biggest part that bothers me is he is still going out and about and I work at a grocery store and he hasn’t said a peep about that except having me be careful about removing my clothes into bags and showering first.I know he has some anxieties but he feels they aren’t severe enough to go to a therapist over but I think they’ve increased since this outbreak. They’re usually mostly about public speaking and phone calls or things like checking repetitively that the garage is locked more often but are more about stockpiling, checking our “inventory” and not speaking loudly about it so neighbors won’t know what we have, and excessively spraying packages off now. But I do get his anxieties don’t maintain consistency in all areas and I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to respect that and when I need to be firm about him self-regulating to be reasonable.He got very upset that I carried a pack of toilet paper downstairs for my brother uncovered so now our neighbors know we have toilet paper but he apologized when he calmed down.I’m hurt that if he is that afraid of the virus that he thinks my sister, who is staying home from work and not going out and hasn’t had contact with anyone except the plumber that came to her unit, is so much of a danger that she should go to a public laundromat and risk contamination rather than come to our place while he went to Taco Bell and a gas station shortly before today.I’m also baffled bc a few days ago he said if we go into quarantine she should stay with us instead of being alone as our neighborhood isn’t the best.Idk I’m very tired from unloading trucks and am about to get my period so I’m trying to get some space and respect that he pays half the rent, etc. but I’m having a hard go of it and I think if we talk about it now it’s just going to be a jumbled mess of miscommunication while trying to figure out exactly what we’re thinking/feeling.I also don’t know how to tell my sister no without making her ask why or make him out to be the bad guy. She knows I’m still working so even though I’m also staying home outside of work bc grocery stores are a huge vector and I don’t want to be a link in a chain of infection I’m still way more of a risk to my bf than her?? My boyfriend said he was going to start staying home too but hasn’t yet so I know that would hurt her feelings.Tl;dr: sister was told she could use our laundry, boyfriend wants her to go to a public laundromat until covid has passed. I’m hurt bc he’s basically saying if he’s that afraid of the virus my sister should go get sick.