Seeing someone new but can’t stop comparing her to my ex

I chose to brake up with my ex girlfriend of 4 years almost 4 months ago due to not being able to fully commit to her. She was an amazing girlfriend, caring, loved unconditionally, never judged, amazing sex life, my family loved her, we shared all hobbies and interests. The intimacy was another level. However, I felt un-attracted to her at times throughout, felt like her chemistry with my friends was off even though she fit me so well and felt that her her family was extremely difficult to deal with. (They come from a different culture and are alcoholics). I recently started seeing a new girl who is also amazing but I just don’t feel as connected with. Obviously it’s very early in the relationship, but we’ve been seeing one another practically everyday and essentially living with one another for a month now. I have a strong grasp on who she is as a person and her personality.

I felt emotionally checked out from my last girlfriend which is why I moved on to someone else so fast but a few weeks into seeing the new girl I couldn’t help but compare her to my ex and think of her constantly. There’s pluses and minuses in every relationship I understand that but I find myself now emotionally confused which route is better to take. The new girl is so smart and has the same career passions as me and fits with my friends better, however, she doesn’t take as good care of herself in terms of fitness (I workout 5 days a week and eat very healthy). She has a strong disregard for these kinds of things and it would be a process to get her to adapt. For how smart she is there is an age gap in maturity. My ex and I are both 25 and the new girl is only 22. It’s not much but I can feel it with her emotional maturity. Additionally the sex life is no where near what it was with my ex. It isn’t bad but it isn’t wild and lustful. These may seem minor but they are very important to me to be on board with someone in these areas like I did in my past relationship. I’ve been open with the new girl that I’m still needing time to move at a slower pace because I feel that we have be sprinting with how much time we are together.

I’ve been able to give this new girl effortlessly what I should have given my ex. I almost want to try to go back to my ex and fix things because I know what went wrong now after processing everything for months. But now I’m afraid to hurt the new girl who has done absolutely nothing wrong and has treated me so well. My heart is torn between two women.

Thoughts?

TL;DR - basically I think about my ex constantly when I’m with the new girl and compare them. I feel like I want to fix my errors with my ex because she feels like a better fit but I don’t want to hurt the new girl who is also amazing and I have feeling for as well.

Submitted March 18, 2020 at 12:01AM

I chose to brake up with my ex girlfriend of 4 years almost 4 months ago due to not being able to fully commit to her. She was an amazing girlfriend, caring, loved unconditionally, never judged, amazing sex life, my family loved her, we shared all hobbies and interests. The intimacy was another level. However, I felt un-attracted to her at times throughout, felt like her chemistry with my friends was off even though she fit me so well and felt that her her family was extremely difficult to deal with. (They come from a different culture and are alcoholics). I recently started seeing a new girl who is also amazing but I just don’t feel as connected with. Obviously it’s very early in the relationship, but we’ve been seeing one another practically everyday and essentially living with one another for a month now. I have a strong grasp on who she is as a person and her personality.I felt emotionally checked out from my last girlfriend which is why I moved on to someone else so fast but a few weeks into seeing the new girl I couldn’t help but compare her to my ex and think of her constantly. There’s pluses and minuses in every relationship I understand that but I find myself now emotionally confused which route is better to take. The new girl is so smart and has the same career passions as me and fits with my friends better, however, she doesn’t take as good care of herself in terms of fitness (I workout 5 days a week and eat very healthy). She has a strong disregard for these kinds of things and it would be a process to get her to adapt. For how smart she is there is an age gap in maturity. My ex and I are both 25 and the new girl is only 22. It’s not much but I can feel it with her emotional maturity. Additionally the sex life is no where near what it was with my ex. It isn’t bad but it isn’t wild and lustful. These may seem minor but they are very important to me to be on board with someone in these areas like I did in my past relationship. I’ve been open with the new girl that I’m still needing time to move at a slower pace because I feel that we have be sprinting with how much time we are together.I’ve been able to give this new girl effortlessly what I should have given my ex. I almost want to try to go back to my ex and fix things because I know what went wrong now after processing everything for months. But now I’m afraid to hurt the new girl who has done absolutely nothing wrong and has treated me so well. My heart is torn between two women.Thoughts?TL;DR - basically I think about my ex constantly when I’m with the new girl and compare them. I feel like I want to fix my errors with my ex because she feels like a better fit but I don’t want to hurt the new girl who is also amazing and I have feeling for as well.