Found out through social media that the guy I [F23] is dating is married. I have no idea if I should tell him or her or just leave.

Hi everyone.

So I (F23) have been dating this guy (M28) for around 2 months now. Not that long, but we met through online. I met him 2 months ago in person, we hit it off like crazy, and generally went straight into a relationship without saying it's one... aka, we haven't said we're boyfriend and girlfriend yet but we basically are.

He lives 20 mins from me, has a great job and everything seemed fine. The only thing is.. he said he didn't use social media. But everything else was fine. We'd constantly text, send videos, facetime. Nothing weird or hidden.

And I decide to search him again one night again. I find an instagram. It's private. It's definitely him. I google the instagram username and a bunch of other accounts come up on google that obviously follow him. I notice someone has the same surname as him and click. It's a girl. Her instagram is public. And on her instagram are thousands of photos of the two of them and everything else.

Now, nowhere does it say they're married but I mean, they have the same surname and there are lots of couple pics from years ago right up until the same week. So they obviously are.

Now, I've never actually outright asked this guy if he's married because... why would I? I just assumed he's single. Just like he has assumed I am. One thing that's weird though is that in conversations he constantly brings up non monogamy and the idea of seeing other people to satisfy your desires. I used to think this was him testing me to see if I'd be up for that since we were a couple, but now I'm wondering if that was him trying to see how I'd feel about it as that's what him and his wife are doing.

I'm not sure why he hasn't told me. I have no idea if the wife herself knows. If they are aware they're seeing other people. Or if this is just a case of him being sneaky and trying to sleep around. The weird thing is, he's sent me lots of photos of himself with legs in the background or like, someone else sitting there and I always assumed it was a friend or something. It was as if he wasn't really hiding it. It could've been her.

Our relationship is very sexual and I generally have amazing feelings for him, this has made me so sad and I don't even know what's happening with him. I've not said anything just now, but it baffles me how this is going on as he has stayed at my place for days at a time. What has he told her he's doing during this time? Nothing weird has ever went on, no phonecalls, or texts. He always spends time with me. I'm so confused. I haven't ever been back to his place but he's never used an excuse, it's genuinely because I live in the city and we always end up walking back to mine whereas he lives outside it.

I don't know what to do, to bring it up to him for either him to deny it or say yeah, we are together and make me feel like an idiot for not knowing. Or whether to just tell her if she has a right to know. Or just say nothing and cut contact.

I'm upset and I know it's not been that long, but I genuinely thought we had something special. He texts me every single day, it seems way more romantic than sexual. I don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice. I have no idea or proof they actually are, besides the surname, but they clearly are a serious couple and have lots of photos together. She has never been mentioned. And I don't know if he is trying to work out if I'd be okay with this or if this is all a secret. I just don't know what this is all about.

Thanks everyone.

tl;dr: So dating a guy who is actually married and hasn't told me, and I found out myself through social media. Do I tell him, her, no one or just leave and not say anything? Really confused and hurt about it.



Submitted March 14, 2020 at 12:05AM

Hi everyone.So I (F23) have been dating this guy (M28) for around 2 months now. Not that long, but we met through online. I met him 2 months ago in person, we hit it off like crazy, and generally went straight into a relationship without saying it's one... aka, we haven't said we're boyfriend and girlfriend yet but we basically are.He lives 20 mins from me, has a great job and everything seemed fine. The only thing is.. he said he didn't use social media. But everything else was fine. We'd constantly text, send videos, facetime. Nothing weird or hidden.And I decide to search him again one night again. I find an instagram. It's private. It's definitely him. I google the instagram username and a bunch of other accounts come up on google that obviously follow him. I notice someone has the same surname as him and click. It's a girl. Her instagram is public. And on her instagram are thousands of photos of the two of them and everything else.Now, nowhere does it say they're married but I mean, they have the same surname and there are lots of couple pics from years ago right up until the same week. So they obviously are.Now, I've never actually outright asked this guy if he's married because... why would I? I just assumed he's single. Just like he has assumed I am. One thing that's weird though is that in conversations he constantly brings up non monogamy and the idea of seeing other people to satisfy your desires. I used to think this was him testing me to see if I'd be up for that since we were a couple, but now I'm wondering if that was him trying to see how I'd feel about it as that's what him and his wife are doing.I'm not sure why he hasn't told me. I have no idea if the wife herself knows. If they are aware they're seeing other people. Or if this is just a case of him being sneaky and trying to sleep around. The weird thing is, he's sent me lots of photos of himself with legs in the background or like, someone else sitting there and I always assumed it was a friend or something. It was as if he wasn't really hiding it. It could've been her.Our relationship is very sexual and I generally have amazing feelings for him, this has made me so sad and I don't even know what's happening with him. I've not said anything just now, but it baffles me how this is going on as he has stayed at my place for days at a time. What has he told her he's doing during this time? Nothing weird has ever went on, no phonecalls, or texts. He always spends time with me. I'm so confused. I haven't ever been back to his place but he's never used an excuse, it's genuinely because I live in the city and we always end up walking back to mine whereas he lives outside it.I don't know what to do, to bring it up to him for either him to deny it or say yeah, we are together and make me feel like an idiot for not knowing. Or whether to just tell her if she has a right to know. Or just say nothing and cut contact.I'm upset and I know it's not been that long, but I genuinely thought we had something special. He texts me every single day, it seems way more romantic than sexual. I don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice. I have no idea or proof they actually are, besides the surname, but they clearly are a serious couple and have lots of photos together. She has never been mentioned. And I don't know if he is trying to work out if I'd be okay with this or if this is all a secret. I just don't know what this is all about.Thanks everyone.tl;dr: So dating a guy who is actually married and hasn't told me, and I found out myself through social media. Do I tell him, her, no one or just leave and not say anything? Really confused and hurt about it.
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