Stay or go? Feeling overwhelmed.

A bit overwhelmed

I (28m) met a wonderful woman (26f) on OKCupid a week ago. Her profile was perfect. She expressed many of the same values as me and seemed to be looking for the same things. She messaged me first expressing the same reaction to what she had a read in my profile.

We started messaging back and forth until our messages were turning into essay-length responses, which I knew we wouldn’t be able to keep up, so I suggested we start exchanging voice notes instead. Those soon became quite lengthy too. It was all very exciting because we were both making an effort and we seemed to be on the same page about many things. We even discovered that we had both been taking notes from one another’s voice notes to make sure we could respond to everything with intention.

After a couple of days of doing this, we agreed to a phone call. The first call lasted just over two hours. It went really well. We then spoke to each other over the phone for a couple of hours each night for the next couple of days until we agreed to meet one another.

The difficulty was that we weren’t very close to each other. It would require a 3-hour ferry ride to see the other person. This concerned me for several reasons. Despite our connection thus far, I know that things are often different in person. And I also know that starting a relationship at long distance would be really hard for so many reasons, I wouldn’t have the tine to list them all.

In the end though, I decided to take the chance. I got on the ferry yesterday to spend the weekend with her. Originally, I was going to book a hotel room to respect each other’s comfort levels and space, but we talked about it, and she convinced me to stay with her. I think I made a mistake in not listening to my gut on that one.

Anyway, when I arrived, it became clear to me that her feelings were already extremely overwhelming. She had fallen head over heels before even meeting me in person. She told many of her friends and family about me already. I’m flattered, especially because she is a genuinely wonderful person, but I’m also caught off guard because we only just began to get to know each other. To make matters worse, I made the mistake of not booking a hotel, and the plan was to spend two nights together, but now I feel a bit trapped and am unsure if I should just go home tonight instead of spending the second night here.

My dilemma is that she is a very good person and I do like her, but my feelings are nowhere near as strong as hers and I’m not sure I can cope with that difference right now. I also don’t want to hurt her unnecessarily.

Do I stay and just head home in the morning, or do I go and risk hurting her?

I feel like I’m wedged between a rock and a hard place... ugh.

EDIT: I talked this through with her this morning, and she was upset. I think I’ve disappointed her. It’s just a shame because if things weren’t so fast-paced, I could have seen a lot of potential here. Please help me decide.

Submitted January 25, 2020 at 11:37PM

A bit overwhelmedI (28m) met a wonderful woman (26f) on OKCupid a week ago. Her profile was perfect. She expressed many of the same values as me and seemed to be looking for the same things. She messaged me first expressing the same reaction to what she had a read in my profile.We started messaging back and forth until our messages were turning into essay-length responses, which I knew we wouldn’t be able to keep up, so I suggested we start exchanging voice notes instead. Those soon became quite lengthy too. It was all very exciting because we were both making an effort and we seemed to be on the same page about many things. We even discovered that we had both been taking notes from one another’s voice notes to make sure we could respond to everything with intention.After a couple of days of doing this, we agreed to a phone call. The first call lasted just over two hours. It went really well. We then spoke to each other over the phone for a couple of hours each night for the next couple of days until we agreed to meet one another.The difficulty was that we weren’t very close to each other. It would require a 3-hour ferry ride to see the other person. This concerned me for several reasons. Despite our connection thus far, I know that things are often different in person. And I also know that starting a relationship at long distance would be really hard for so many reasons, I wouldn’t have the tine to list them all.In the end though, I decided to take the chance. I got on the ferry yesterday to spend the weekend with her. Originally, I was going to book a hotel room to respect each other’s comfort levels and space, but we talked about it, and she convinced me to stay with her. I think I made a mistake in not listening to my gut on that one.Anyway, when I arrived, it became clear to me that her feelings were already extremely overwhelming. She had fallen head over heels before even meeting me in person. She told many of her friends and family about me already. I’m flattered, especially because she is a genuinely wonderful person, but I’m also caught off guard because we only just began to get to know each other. To make matters worse, I made the mistake of not booking a hotel, and the plan was to spend two nights together, but now I feel a bit trapped and am unsure if I should just go home tonight instead of spending the second night here.My dilemma is that she is a very good person and I do like her, but my feelings are nowhere near as strong as hers and I’m not sure I can cope with that difference right now. I also don’t want to hurt her unnecessarily.Do I stay and just head home in the morning, or do I go and risk hurting her?I feel like I’m wedged between a rock and a hard place... ugh.EDIT: I talked this through with her this morning, and she was upset. I think I’ve disappointed her. It’s just a shame because if things weren’t so fast-paced, I could have seen a lot of potential here. Please help me decide.