I [21M] don't know if I should stay with my girlfriend [21F] or take a risk for a past love

Let me start by saying my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and I love her very much. We are pretty much inseparable and spend all day together if we can. Without a doubt she is my best friend and partner in life. Plain and simply, my girlfriend is the person I like to do life with. This feeling is mutual and we frequently express our excitement to move in together and take things to the next level.

That being said, I struggle with being able to fully commit my heart and soul to her. When I was 17 I dated this other girl (for the sake of anonymity let's call her Jess). Jess was the first person I ever really fell in love with. Jess and I dated for about 5 or 6 months in our senior year of high school. I never fully understood why our relationship ended but in hindsight, she likely had anxiety and commitment issues that she kept hidden from me at the time. Add me being young and horny and always wanting to spend time with her and crowding her space, I think I mostly scared her away. Considering we were about to move to different states for college and she wasn't ready for the commitment of a long distance relationship at the age of 18 whilst beginning college, I don't blame her.

The problem today is that every song I reminds me of her. I have thought about her all day long, for 4 years straight. I dream about her at least once a week. I feel more of a connection with her today than I do with anyone else in my life, and I haven't seen her since high school. I really just want to stop thinking about her. I so desperately want to move on and build a life with my girlfriend, but the ghost of Jess won't let me.

About 2 years ago Jess told me she thinks a relationship between us would be amazing to try again now that we're older and wiser, but unfortunately she's already dating someone else and thinks it's only fair to him to give him a shot first. Of course, I'm in a similar situation with my current girlfriend as well. I recently got a job offer in the city where she lives, and I would love to reach out to her now and see if she would drop everything to try again with me, but I'm not sure if that would be the right thing for me to do. It might not even work out, and I have a good thing going with my current girlfriend.

What do I do? I can't go on thinking about Jess in the back of my mind for the rest of my life, but I just want to stay with my girlfriend and move on. The feelings and "what if"s for Jess just won't go away.

TLDR: I'm in love with my girlfriend and ready to move in with her, but I can't seem to move on from my high school sweetheart no matter how hard I try.



Submitted January 26, 2020 at 12:17AM

Let me start by saying my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and I love her very much. We are pretty much inseparable and spend all day together if we can. Without a doubt she is my best friend and partner in life. Plain and simply, my girlfriend is the person I like to do life with. This feeling is mutual and we frequently express our excitement to move in together and take things to the next level.That being said, I struggle with being able to fully commit my heart and soul to her. When I was 17 I dated this other girl (for the sake of anonymity let's call her Jess). Jess was the first person I ever really fell in love with. Jess and I dated for about 5 or 6 months in our senior year of high school. I never fully understood why our relationship ended but in hindsight, she likely had anxiety and commitment issues that she kept hidden from me at the time. Add me being young and horny and always wanting to spend time with her and crowding her space, I think I mostly scared her away. Considering we were about to move to different states for college and she wasn't ready for the commitment of a long distance relationship at the age of 18 whilst beginning college, I don't blame her.The problem today is that every song I reminds me of her. I have thought about her all day long, for 4 years straight. I dream about her at least once a week. I feel more of a connection with her today than I do with anyone else in my life, and I haven't seen her since high school. I really just want to stop thinking about her. I so desperately want to move on and build a life with my girlfriend, but the ghost of Jess won't let me.About 2 years ago Jess told me she thinks a relationship between us would be amazing to try again now that we're older and wiser, but unfortunately she's already dating someone else and thinks it's only fair to him to give him a shot first. Of course, I'm in a similar situation with my current girlfriend as well. I recently got a job offer in the city where she lives, and I would love to reach out to her now and see if she would drop everything to try again with me, but I'm not sure if that would be the right thing for me to do. It might not even work out, and I have a good thing going with my current girlfriend.What do I do? I can't go on thinking about Jess in the back of my mind for the rest of my life, but I just want to stay with my girlfriend and move on. The feelings and "what if"s for Jess just won't go away.TLDR: I'm in love with my girlfriend and ready to move in with her, but I can't seem to move on from my high school sweetheart no matter how hard I try.
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