I [21M] don't know if I should stay with my girlfriend [21F] or take a risk for a past love

Let me start by saying my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and I love her very much. We are pretty much inseparable and spend all day together if we can. Without a doubt she is my best friend and partner in life. Plain and simply, my girlfriend is the person I like to do life with. This feeling is mutual and we frequently express our excitement to move in together and take things to the next level.

That being said, I struggle with being able to fully commit my heart and soul to her. When I was 17 I dated this other girl (for the sake of anonymity let's call her Jess). Jess was the first person I ever really fell in love with. Jess and I dated for about 5 or 6 months in our senior year of high school. I never fully understood why our relationship ended but in hindsight, she likely had anxiety and commitment issues that she kept hidden from me at the time. Add me being young and horny and always wanting to spend time with her and crowding her space, I think I mostly scared her away. Considering we were about to move to different states for college and she wasn't ready for the commitment of a long distance relationship at the age of 18 whilst beginning college, I don't blame her.

The problem today is that every song I reminds me of her. I have thought about her all day long, for 4 years straight. I dream about her at least once a week. I feel more of a connection with her today than I do with anyone else in my life, and I haven't seen her since high school. I really just want to stop thinking about her. I so desperately want to move on and build a life with my girlfriend, but the ghost of Jess won't let me.

About 2 years ago Jess told me she thinks a relationship between us would be amazing to try again now that we're older and wiser, but unfortunately she's already dating someone else and thinks it's only fair to him to give him a shot first. Of course, I'm in a similar situation with my current girlfriend as well. I recently got a job offer in the city where she lives, and I would love to reach out to her now and see if she would drop everything to try again with me, but I'm not sure if that would be the right thing for me to do. It might not even work out, and I have a good thing going with my current girlfriend.

What do I do? I can't go on thinking about Jess in the back of my mind for the rest of my life, but I just want to stay with my girlfriend and move on. The feelings and "what if"s for Jess just won't go away.

TLDR: I'm in love with my girlfriend and ready to move in with her, but I can't seem to move on from my high school sweetheart no matter how hard I try.



Submitted January 26, 2020 at 12:17AM

Let me start by saying my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and I love her very much. We are pretty much inseparable and spend all day together if we can. Without a doubt she is my best friend and partner in life. Plain and simply, my girlfriend is the person I like to do life with. This feeling is mutual and we frequently express our excitement to move in together and take things to the next level.That being said, I struggle with being able to fully commit my heart and soul to her. When I was 17 I dated this other girl (for the sake of anonymity let's call her Jess). Jess was the first person I ever really fell in love with. Jess and I dated for about 5 or 6 months in our senior year of high school. I never fully understood why our relationship ended but in hindsight, she likely had anxiety and commitment issues that she kept hidden from me at the time. Add me being young and horny and always wanting to spend time with her and crowding her space, I think I mostly scared her away. Considering we were about to move to different states for college and she wasn't ready for the commitment of a long distance relationship at the age of 18 whilst beginning college, I don't blame her.The problem today is that every song I reminds me of her. I have thought about her all day long, for 4 years straight. I dream about her at least once a week. I feel more of a connection with her today than I do with anyone else in my life, and I haven't seen her since high school. I really just want to stop thinking about her. I so desperately want to move on and build a life with my girlfriend, but the ghost of Jess won't let me.About 2 years ago Jess told me she thinks a relationship between us would be amazing to try again now that we're older and wiser, but unfortunately she's already dating someone else and thinks it's only fair to him to give him a shot first. Of course, I'm in a similar situation with my current girlfriend as well. I recently got a job offer in the city where she lives, and I would love to reach out to her now and see if she would drop everything to try again with me, but I'm not sure if that would be the right thing for me to do. It might not even work out, and I have a good thing going with my current girlfriend.What do I do? I can't go on thinking about Jess in the back of my mind for the rest of my life, but I just want to stay with my girlfriend and move on. The feelings and "what if"s for Jess just won't go away.TLDR: I'm in love with my girlfriend and ready to move in with her, but I can't seem to move on from my high school sweetheart no matter how hard I try.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more