perspective from those of you who veered into emotional/physical affair territory...

I (30, F) work with a guy (40, M) who I’ve become decent work friends with over the past 5 months. He’s married, I’m single. We work in different departments, so we really don’t work with each other. We bump into each other daily or every other day at most, he will sometimes come to my department during the time we both eat lunch, or we will stop by to visit one another on average once a week.

Things started out as totally platonic between us. I actually always thought he was really cute, but i have huge respect for marriage and didn’t think of him romantically. Then over the course of a month or so things changed. He would show interest in my life, remember little details, give compliments, etc., and i started to develop a crush on him. I had just ended things with someone who treated me poorly, so i really appreciated his good qualities.

I’d say back in November i started to think maybe he had a thing for me, too. He started lingering around my department more, would check me out with long, lingering gazes, touch my arm when laughing, etc. Then when he found out i was going out of town for the weekend to visit a friend, he started fishing to find out if it was a male or female. When he found out it was a male, he truly seemed upset. I sent him a pic from my trip, and while texting he jokingly referred to himself as my side piece. While I know he was joking, it was the first time any mutual attraction was acknowledged, so it was kind of the turning point in our friendship.

We now very blatantly check each other out, occasionally flirt, make sexual innuendos, etc. We do not hide our attraction for one another. As an example, the other day i had on a skirt. He found an excuse to come behind my desk and then hardcore stared at my legs the next 20 minutes or so while we talked. I try to hold back since He’s married but do check him out for him to see.

Sometimes I’ll say something that’ll make him say “oh you have a dark side”, or he will refer to me as being exotic looking, but most of our convos aren’t sexual. He has never spoken ill of his wife. He will ask me about my exes, weekend plans, interests, past, etc. He says he can’t believe single and seems genuinely eager for me to meet someone, but then he seems jealous when he hears me talking about guys with coworkers. I think he is just bored because he has 4 kids under 10 and no time to himself, so I’m a fun break/ego boost for him. A few coworkers laugh about his obvious interest in me, but I really think it’s all innocent.

So my question is...is this innocent like I’m telling myself, or am i being extremely obtuse? I don’t think it’s an emotional affair, and it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to sleep with me, either. I’m just curious to get perspective from people who might have been in a similar situation. And I am NOT trying to pursue something with him.

TL; DR how to tell if relationship is innocent or veering into something more

Submitted January 26, 2020 at 12:03AM

I (30, F) work with a guy (40, M) who I’ve become decent work friends with over the past 5 months. He’s married, I’m single. We work in different departments, so we really don’t work with each other. We bump into each other daily or every other day at most, he will sometimes come to my department during the time we both eat lunch, or we will stop by to visit one another on average once a week.Things started out as totally platonic between us. I actually always thought he was really cute, but i have huge respect for marriage and didn’t think of him romantically. Then over the course of a month or so things changed. He would show interest in my life, remember little details, give compliments, etc., and i started to develop a crush on him. I had just ended things with someone who treated me poorly, so i really appreciated his good qualities.I’d say back in November i started to think maybe he had a thing for me, too. He started lingering around my department more, would check me out with long, lingering gazes, touch my arm when laughing, etc. Then when he found out i was going out of town for the weekend to visit a friend, he started fishing to find out if it was a male or female. When he found out it was a male, he truly seemed upset. I sent him a pic from my trip, and while texting he jokingly referred to himself as my side piece. While I know he was joking, it was the first time any mutual attraction was acknowledged, so it was kind of the turning point in our friendship.We now very blatantly check each other out, occasionally flirt, make sexual innuendos, etc. We do not hide our attraction for one another. As an example, the other day i had on a skirt. He found an excuse to come behind my desk and then hardcore stared at my legs the next 20 minutes or so while we talked. I try to hold back since He’s married but do check him out for him to see.Sometimes I’ll say something that’ll make him say “oh you have a dark side”, or he will refer to me as being exotic looking, but most of our convos aren’t sexual. He has never spoken ill of his wife. He will ask me about my exes, weekend plans, interests, past, etc. He says he can’t believe single and seems genuinely eager for me to meet someone, but then he seems jealous when he hears me talking about guys with coworkers. I think he is just bored because he has 4 kids under 10 and no time to himself, so I’m a fun break/ego boost for him. A few coworkers laugh about his obvious interest in me, but I really think it’s all innocent.So my question is...is this innocent like I’m telling myself, or am i being extremely obtuse? I don’t think it’s an emotional affair, and it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to sleep with me, either. I’m just curious to get perspective from people who might have been in a similar situation. And I am NOT trying to pursue something with him.TL; DR how to tell if relationship is innocent or veering into something more