I (m/23) have conflicting feelings about recconecting with a friend (f/25)

TL;DR at the bottom.

2 months ago, in college, I had class with this girl. At first, I didn't look at her with intent to date because I wanted to see how she acted first, and it was my first class with her in Gen-Ed class. There weren't many girls in my field, so she was rare, but attractive.

Weeks fly by, and we were tasked with doing a project together. She's smart and can hold a good conversation etc. Now, I was attracted. I waited a week to muster the courage to ask for her number and go on a date. She agreed!

She flaked on our proposed day, claiming family duties got in the way. I give her a pass because she bought me a home cooked meal the week before at school. She even rescheduled. That date came up, and she flaked again. Same excuse. I know she has a pretty big family, so it's understandable, but my patience was wearing out.

This was my first dive back into the dating world after an 8 year hiatus, so this isn't all her fault. Due to a traumatic breakup in high school, I was reluctant to pursue women. So, my game was lackluster.

I accepted this flake instead of putting my foot down right there because I was trying to escape the pain of being alone again. I wanted things to work. I had walls up, but she has plenty too. She's not very flirtatious, so it's difficult to be intimate around her. She doesn't like people touching her. And, I also felt uncomfortable trying to touch her even in a friendly way in fear that she'd be uncomfortable. I wanted to be patient because i'm not sunshine and rainbows either. She wanted to take things slow because she just got out of a bad relationship a year ago.

Awhile back, she agreed to teach me how to drive because I didn't have a license. I didn't ask her because I was use to doing things on my own, and she works, so I don't like to burden people. She volunteered. This was in November. Our winter break came in December and we figured that this was perfect for me to learn since we had so much free time.

She flaked again. I lost patience when I should have given up on the second flake. We sent an exchange of texts, but I'll paraphrase it:

Girl: "Sorry I haven't gotten back to you until now, I'm watching my nieces from last night and my sister isn't answering her phone. Are you free another day?"

Me: "K, don't worry about it."

Girl: "Wanna do Friday, Saturday, Sunday?"

Me: "I mean that you don't have to worry about it ever, Girl. I'll handle it on my own."

Girl: "You got mad?"

Me: "Imagine this, every plan I've made with you, you flaked on me. I'm not saying you're a liar or you don't have shit to do, but I'm sensing a pattern. Would you not be a little disappointed if the shoe was on the other foot?"

Girl: "That's true, it's annoying, but I'm trying to find time. I know it's not my responsibility, but my family has some control over my schedule. They help me, I help them. I can't say no. But, I get you."

Me: " I understand, I do. I help my family too, but I also tell them in advance that I have plans and they don't hate me for it because they know I'm trying to better myself. Saying no sometimes doesn't make you a bad person."

Girl: "I know"

She left it at that, but I foolishly gave her a chance at redemption. I said I was free the next day, and she left me on read for 2 days. So, I went nuclear and unfriended/unfollowed her on all my social media and deleted her phone number.

I feel shitty because I still have to see her at school some days even if we aren't in the same class anymore. I use to take rides from her. Now, I decided to catch the bus again. I have strong feelings for her, but can't even express them. It'll be unrequited.

I know she feels some type of way, now, but I feel like I've regained some control over my life. I'm not at the mercy of anyone even if I have to catch the bus and waste money on the long rides. But, another part of me feels like I've done irreconcilable damages to our bond. I felt like I've destroyed what could have been. She's not a bad person, just has problems prioritizing parts of her life.

Would you recconect in the future after you've undergone healthy emotional growth? Or, would you ghost forever?

TL;DR: Been out the game for awhile. Tried to make things work with a flaker. Got burned. Went nuclear and ghosted her. Regret?

Submitted January 04, 2020 at 12:15AM

TL;DR at the bottom.2 months ago, in college, I had class with this girl. At first, I didn't look at her with intent to date because I wanted to see how she acted first, and it was my first class with her in Gen-Ed class. There weren't many girls in my field, so she was rare, but attractive.Weeks fly by, and we were tasked with doing a project together. She's smart and can hold a good conversation etc. Now, I was attracted. I waited a week to muster the courage to ask for her number and go on a date. She agreed!She flaked on our proposed day, claiming family duties got in the way. I give her a pass because she bought me a home cooked meal the week before at school. She even rescheduled. That date came up, and she flaked again. Same excuse. I know she has a pretty big family, so it's understandable, but my patience was wearing out.This was my first dive back into the dating world after an 8 year hiatus, so this isn't all her fault. Due to a traumatic breakup in high school, I was reluctant to pursue women. So, my game was lackluster.I accepted this flake instead of putting my foot down right there because I was trying to escape the pain of being alone again. I wanted things to work. I had walls up, but she has plenty too. She's not very flirtatious, so it's difficult to be intimate around her. She doesn't like people touching her. And, I also felt uncomfortable trying to touch her even in a friendly way in fear that she'd be uncomfortable. I wanted to be patient because i'm not sunshine and rainbows either. She wanted to take things slow because she just got out of a bad relationship a year ago.Awhile back, she agreed to teach me how to drive because I didn't have a license. I didn't ask her because I was use to doing things on my own, and she works, so I don't like to burden people. She volunteered. This was in November. Our winter break came in December and we figured that this was perfect for me to learn since we had so much free time.She flaked again. I lost patience when I should have given up on the second flake. We sent an exchange of texts, but I'll paraphrase it:Girl: "Sorry I haven't gotten back to you until now, I'm watching my nieces from last night and my sister isn't answering her phone. Are you free another day?"Me: "K, don't worry about it."Girl: "Wanna do Friday, Saturday, Sunday?"Me: "I mean that you don't have to worry about it ever, Girl. I'll handle it on my own."Girl: "You got mad?"Me: "Imagine this, every plan I've made with you, you flaked on me. I'm not saying you're a liar or you don't have shit to do, but I'm sensing a pattern. Would you not be a little disappointed if the shoe was on the other foot?"Girl: "That's true, it's annoying, but I'm trying to find time. I know it's not my responsibility, but my family has some control over my schedule. They help me, I help them. I can't say no. But, I get you."Me: " I understand, I do. I help my family too, but I also tell them in advance that I have plans and they don't hate me for it because they know I'm trying to better myself. Saying no sometimes doesn't make you a bad person."Girl: "I know"She left it at that, but I foolishly gave her a chance at redemption. I said I was free the next day, and she left me on read for 2 days. So, I went nuclear and unfriended/unfollowed her on all my social media and deleted her phone number.I feel shitty because I still have to see her at school some days even if we aren't in the same class anymore. I use to take rides from her. Now, I decided to catch the bus again. I have strong feelings for her, but can't even express them. It'll be unrequited.I know she feels some type of way, now, but I feel like I've regained some control over my life. I'm not at the mercy of anyone even if I have to catch the bus and waste money on the long rides. But, another part of me feels like I've done irreconcilable damages to our bond. I felt like I've destroyed what could have been. She's not a bad person, just has problems prioritizing parts of her life.Would you recconect in the future after you've undergone healthy emotional growth? Or, would you ghost forever?TL;DR: Been out the game for awhile. Tried to make things work with a flaker. Got burned. Went nuclear and ghosted her. Regret?