Am I [27F] too clingy?

I’ve been seeing this guy for three months now. It wasn’t a serious relationship in the beginning, but we’ve both had the discussion and agreed to be exclusive with each other.

I feel that it’s important to be clear about my needs and I’ve brought up my expectations about communication; basically, I prefer that my partner and I keep in touch. It’s a way for me to gauge someone’s interest in me. I don’t expect him to text me and keep a conversation going 24/7. He is a shift worker and has a demanding job, so I understand he’s unable to keep in touch while he’s at work. He’d make the effort to reach out to me often (at least once every day) when we first started seeing each other. He’d text me good morning or check in when he could, regardless of whether he was on or off work. It wasn’t one sided either, I’d initiate contact and check in with him as well. I’ve told him it upsets me when he reads my messages and doesn’t respond for days. He’s even told me that he doesn’t understand why people do things like that. He made an effort to fix that, but then his texting habits changed.

Sometimes he’d go for trips upstate and I wouldn’t hear from him in days. At the beginning of our relationship, he’d let me know when he was leaving and when he was coming back. He’d tell me about his day and how he was spending his time. The last time, he left for a few days and I hadn’t heard from him until I reached out towards the end of his trip. The last message I sent him before he left was left on read. I’m not sure i would’ve heard from him at all if I hadn’t reached out again.

He came back and we spent some time together. I bit my tongue about how I was upset about the lack of communication from his end because we’d had that conversation several times before. But then he’d mentioned checking in with his pets on his nanny cam several times while he was away and that just made my resentment grow further. Then he said he saw a meme on fb that reminded him of me while he was away. How could he check up on his fish but not bother to send a message to me?

Are my expectations too high? I like him a lot and I don’t have any complaints about him aside from this issue. I feel reluctant to bring this up with him because he’ll see me as too clingy and demanding. He was able to keep in touch often at the beginning of our relationship, he was the one who set the standard. I’m just unhappy about how we communicate now.

I’m fine when I’m with him, but when we’re apart I often question this relationship. I try to reach out to him to keep him engaged but it’ll fizzle out or I’ll go days without a word from him after he’s read my last message. Am I wrong to fixate on something like this?

Submitted January 04, 2020 at 12:13AM

I’ve been seeing this guy for three months now. It wasn’t a serious relationship in the beginning, but we’ve both had the discussion and agreed to be exclusive with each other.I feel that it’s important to be clear about my needs and I’ve brought up my expectations about communication; basically, I prefer that my partner and I keep in touch. It’s a way for me to gauge someone’s interest in me. I don’t expect him to text me and keep a conversation going 24/7. He is a shift worker and has a demanding job, so I understand he’s unable to keep in touch while he’s at work. He’d make the effort to reach out to me often (at least once every day) when we first started seeing each other. He’d text me good morning or check in when he could, regardless of whether he was on or off work. It wasn’t one sided either, I’d initiate contact and check in with him as well. I’ve told him it upsets me when he reads my messages and doesn’t respond for days. He’s even told me that he doesn’t understand why people do things like that. He made an effort to fix that, but then his texting habits changed.Sometimes he’d go for trips upstate and I wouldn’t hear from him in days. At the beginning of our relationship, he’d let me know when he was leaving and when he was coming back. He’d tell me about his day and how he was spending his time. The last time, he left for a few days and I hadn’t heard from him until I reached out towards the end of his trip. The last message I sent him before he left was left on read. I’m not sure i would’ve heard from him at all if I hadn’t reached out again.He came back and we spent some time together. I bit my tongue about how I was upset about the lack of communication from his end because we’d had that conversation several times before. But then he’d mentioned checking in with his pets on his nanny cam several times while he was away and that just made my resentment grow further. Then he said he saw a meme on fb that reminded him of me while he was away. How could he check up on his fish but not bother to send a message to me?Are my expectations too high? I like him a lot and I don’t have any complaints about him aside from this issue. I feel reluctant to bring this up with him because he’ll see me as too clingy and demanding. He was able to keep in touch often at the beginning of our relationship, he was the one who set the standard. I’m just unhappy about how we communicate now.I’m fine when I’m with him, but when we’re apart I often question this relationship. I try to reach out to him to keep him engaged but it’ll fizzle out or I’ll go days without a word from him after he’s read my last message. Am I wrong to fixate on something like this?