OH (38m) of 6 years just told me (32f) I make him so unhappy because he is convinced I am a Facebook addict and I am ignoring him and our children.

It's not the first time, but I'm really really annoyed that he's pulled his card on Christmas Eve (and also our youngest son's birthday). We have two children together and one each from previous relationships.

I have no family to go to, no close friends that I would feel comfortable descending on, but I feel like I really need to leave, and this is something I repeatedly come back to.

The last time he stated this, he actually got really angry before telling me what the matter was and physically hurt me whilst bashing things around the house. Anger and physical violence is a recurrent issue in his history, particularly with his ex wife - who probably left him for the same reasons I want to. But it is clear that he is of mind that he has right to these horrible outbursts because I'm apparently so mean to him, ignore him, don't like him, and spend all my time scrolling Facebook.

He is exceptional as a father. He does a lot around the house, values and supports the home, taking care of most of the finances. I am very well looked after as a partner (we are not married, not even engaged and he has made it clear that we will never be married), and the children want for nothing. We manage family dynamics well, but as a romantic partner... there's just nothing now. We don't communicate well at all, and he has resorted to verbal digs to belittle me, make me feel stupid and put me down in almost every verbal transaction we have. He admitted that he does this ''because, you don't like me''...

I want to leave. I want my independence back which I have not had since before I became a mother. I can do the things he tells me I am incapable of. I know in doing so I would be breaking my children's hearts, adjusting their lifestyle and reducing their experiences (he is significantly financially better off than me and I would not be able to replicate the holidays/outings/gifts that they are used to or even house them in the same area where we currently live, but I would be working damn hard to provide what I could...and I wouldn't feel like I owe him everything.

I don't want to leave because the mental exhaustion and upheaval of tearing all our lives apart is so unthinkable to me, I don't know how I could bear it or be strong enough to manage it... and the thought of continuing our lives together, without romantic love, seems very much the easier option. I feel like I have enough muddling up my head already just with raising kids, work, being a person, I don't need any more things to think about!

I have low libido. I have been first and foremost a mum for almost a decade. I don't feel sexy. My body has changed drastically. I feel like shit, I look like shit and I fully accept that he feels short changed in this relationship with a lack of intimacy or sexual contact. This has decreased over the years (normal mum stuff, right?) and the lack of attraction has been exaggerated each time he has put me down or made an issue of it, all the times he has been angry, broken things, I have withdrawn even more (also, normal?)...

...so, I guess this is about him not getting the affection and things he wants (which was also an issue in his marriage and I honestly don't have enough life experience to know if this happens to many couples?) and me not being able to give it, which has spurred on a cycle of him being verbally and occasionally physically abusive in retaliation, and me then distancing myself even more, him then using that as an excuse to throw more abuse and on and on, and him blaming it all ultimately on Facebook, and that must be the reason why I don't like him and ignore him!

TL:DR - I want to leave my partner because there is no love anymore and he is really unhappy but I will really struggle financially to do so, and I am so worried I'll be hurting my children. It's also Christmas Day now that I've finished typing this mess of how I'm feeling and i feel like he has picked a moment to be disruptive. My post history is also crap because I worry that he knows my user, but I'm actually so sick of the way he deals with our problems that I don't care anymore and maybe if he reads this it may change his perspective.

Submitted December 25, 2019 at 12:03AM

It's not the first time, but I'm really really annoyed that he's pulled his card on Christmas Eve (and also our youngest son's birthday). We have two children together and one each from previous relationships.I have no family to go to, no close friends that I would feel comfortable descending on, but I feel like I really need to leave, and this is something I repeatedly come back to.The last time he stated this, he actually got really angry before telling me what the matter was and physically hurt me whilst bashing things around the house. Anger and physical violence is a recurrent issue in his history, particularly with his ex wife - who probably left him for the same reasons I want to. But it is clear that he is of mind that he has right to these horrible outbursts because I'm apparently so mean to him, ignore him, don't like him, and spend all my time scrolling Facebook.He is exceptional as a father. He does a lot around the house, values and supports the home, taking care of most of the finances. I am very well looked after as a partner (we are not married, not even engaged and he has made it clear that we will never be married), and the children want for nothing. We manage family dynamics well, but as a romantic partner... there's just nothing now. We don't communicate well at all, and he has resorted to verbal digs to belittle me, make me feel stupid and put me down in almost every verbal transaction we have. He admitted that he does this ''because, you don't like me''...I want to leave. I want my independence back which I have not had since before I became a mother. I can do the things he tells me I am incapable of. I know in doing so I would be breaking my children's hearts, adjusting their lifestyle and reducing their experiences (he is significantly financially better off than me and I would not be able to replicate the holidays/outings/gifts that they are used to or even house them in the same area where we currently live, but I would be working damn hard to provide what I could...and I wouldn't feel like I owe him everything.I don't want to leave because the mental exhaustion and upheaval of tearing all our lives apart is so unthinkable to me, I don't know how I could bear it or be strong enough to manage it... and the thought of continuing our lives together, without romantic love, seems very much the easier option. I feel like I have enough muddling up my head already just with raising kids, work, being a person, I don't need any more things to think about!I have low libido. I have been first and foremost a mum for almost a decade. I don't feel sexy. My body has changed drastically. I feel like shit, I look like shit and I fully accept that he feels short changed in this relationship with a lack of intimacy or sexual contact. This has decreased over the years (normal mum stuff, right?) and the lack of attraction has been exaggerated each time he has put me down or made an issue of it, all the times he has been angry, broken things, I have withdrawn even more (also, normal?)......so, I guess this is about him not getting the affection and things he wants (which was also an issue in his marriage and I honestly don't have enough life experience to know if this happens to many couples?) and me not being able to give it, which has spurred on a cycle of him being verbally and occasionally physically abusive in retaliation, and me then distancing myself even more, him then using that as an excuse to throw more abuse and on and on, and him blaming it all ultimately on Facebook, and that must be the reason why I don't like him and ignore him!TL:DR - I want to leave my partner because there is no love anymore and he is really unhappy but I will really struggle financially to do so, and I am so worried I'll be hurting my children. It's also Christmas Day now that I've finished typing this mess of how I'm feeling and i feel like he has picked a moment to be disruptive. My post history is also crap because I worry that he knows my user, but I'm actually so sick of the way he deals with our problems that I don't care anymore and maybe if he reads this it may change his perspective.