If I can do it you can to

Originaly posted on Relationships but it got deleted for some reason but I got a few responses so thought I would post here.

tl;dr - girlfriend / fiancé of 10 years fell for someone else. Moved to the other side of the world and went on my first ever date!

Hi all, I will start with the regular sorry for formatting I'm on mobile!

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, who cares or if anyone will actually read it but I just needed to get it out. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity, but if it can help someone that would be great.

So my back story. In a relationship for 10 years with who I thought was my soul mate (since high school). Lived together for 7 of them. Did everything together, saw the most amazing places and planned our future. Talked about having kids and getting a house was imminent. Rarely argued and agreed on almost everything, communicated extremely well. After 9 years I proposed, she said yes and the planning continued. As I'm writing it actually sounds to good to be true.

Skip to the beginning of this year and she got a new job around 4 hours away from where we were both living. We tried to see each other most weekends and I was looking for a new job there. After about a month I got a new job handed in my notice and was ready to move. We found a place to rent and she moved in first.

So this is when my whole world collapsed. One of the weekends I was up visiting I could just tell something was majorly wrong. I constantly asked but got nothing. Eventually when out taking the dog for a walk she said she doesn't want to get married, she plans on getting another job which means she won't be around often since she might have to go abroad for months at a time. Essentially she said she needed to be selfish and think about herself, and part of me got that.

We talked in the car the next morning but I could tell her mind was made up. I let her out and I drove back home and those 4 hours were the longest in my life.

Now I consider myself a loner. I have a couple of work friends I speak to but nobody I go out with or socialise with. I have a really small family (who were amazing) but the one constant in my life had vanished. When I got home I cried, I was angry, I went through every emotion, but I felt like I had nobody.

Fast forward a few months I moved back in with my parents, I quit my new job and I didn't know what to do with my life. Everything I ever knew had been taken, BUT I finally found out the truth. So it turns out there was this guy in her new work she "fell for". She ended things with me before sleeping with him because she said she didn't want to cheat (Thanks lol). It put me more at peace though knowing the truth (I think there's more to the story and she probably cheated earlier since now I look back I can see the signs, acting strange and cold towards me, excuses for not wanting to have sex when before it was pretty regular etc etc)

Fast forward to 2 months ago and I moved half way across the world to start a new life. Don't get me wrong I am extremely lucky the company I used to work for had an office there and helped me out.

Half of it was to escape and the other half I had genuinely always wanted to move. But I was still in the same situation, I don't have any friends and I don't socialise, I would say I'm average looking so it's not easy to pick up girls. I've never gone on a date (me and the ex didn't actually date properly when we first met) and I wouldn't say I'm shy but not confident I guess.

Anyway I recently went on my first ever date, it went really well, we talked all night and even if nothing comes of it I've hopefully made a friend, and if not I've got the confidence to try again.

I guess what I'm trying to say is honestly things get better and I'm sorry for the shitty things that people can do, but you need to know you're worth more and deserve to be treated better.

People change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. It may feel like you will never get that same emotion back and trust me you will probably want to go back because I did multiple times but I learnt quickly that she had changed and even though at the time I didn't realise it I know now that I'm worth a lot more than to be treated like that... And so are you.

Its not an easy thing to go through and I'm one of the lucky ones (no house, no kids etc) but keep on going and remember things will get better. Feel free to PM me or ask any questions or talk to just to vent. Throwaway account but I'll keep it a bit longer.

Submitted December 24, 2019 at 11:07PM

Originaly posted on Relationships but it got deleted for some reason but I got a few responses so thought I would post here.tl;dr - girlfriend / fiancé of 10 years fell for someone else. Moved to the other side of the world and went on my first ever date!Hi all, I will start with the regular sorry for formatting I'm on mobile!I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, who cares or if anyone will actually read it but I just needed to get it out. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity, but if it can help someone that would be great.So my back story. In a relationship for 10 years with who I thought was my soul mate (since high school). Lived together for 7 of them. Did everything together, saw the most amazing places and planned our future. Talked about having kids and getting a house was imminent. Rarely argued and agreed on almost everything, communicated extremely well. After 9 years I proposed, she said yes and the planning continued. As I'm writing it actually sounds to good to be true.Skip to the beginning of this year and she got a new job around 4 hours away from where we were both living. We tried to see each other most weekends and I was looking for a new job there. After about a month I got a new job handed in my notice and was ready to move. We found a place to rent and she moved in first.So this is when my whole world collapsed. One of the weekends I was up visiting I could just tell something was majorly wrong. I constantly asked but got nothing. Eventually when out taking the dog for a walk she said she doesn't want to get married, she plans on getting another job which means she won't be around often since she might have to go abroad for months at a time. Essentially she said she needed to be selfish and think about herself, and part of me got that.We talked in the car the next morning but I could tell her mind was made up. I let her out and I drove back home and those 4 hours were the longest in my life.Now I consider myself a loner. I have a couple of work friends I speak to but nobody I go out with or socialise with. I have a really small family (who were amazing) but the one constant in my life had vanished. When I got home I cried, I was angry, I went through every emotion, but I felt like I had nobody.Fast forward a few months I moved back in with my parents, I quit my new job and I didn't know what to do with my life. Everything I ever knew had been taken, BUT I finally found out the truth. So it turns out there was this guy in her new work she "fell for". She ended things with me before sleeping with him because she said she didn't want to cheat (Thanks lol). It put me more at peace though knowing the truth (I think there's more to the story and she probably cheated earlier since now I look back I can see the signs, acting strange and cold towards me, excuses for not wanting to have sex when before it was pretty regular etc etc)Fast forward to 2 months ago and I moved half way across the world to start a new life. Don't get me wrong I am extremely lucky the company I used to work for had an office there and helped me out.Half of it was to escape and the other half I had genuinely always wanted to move. But I was still in the same situation, I don't have any friends and I don't socialise, I would say I'm average looking so it's not easy to pick up girls. I've never gone on a date (me and the ex didn't actually date properly when we first met) and I wouldn't say I'm shy but not confident I guess.Anyway I recently went on my first ever date, it went really well, we talked all night and even if nothing comes of it I've hopefully made a friend, and if not I've got the confidence to try again.I guess what I'm trying to say is honestly things get better and I'm sorry for the shitty things that people can do, but you need to know you're worth more and deserve to be treated better.People change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. It may feel like you will never get that same emotion back and trust me you will probably want to go back because I did multiple times but I learnt quickly that she had changed and even though at the time I didn't realise it I know now that I'm worth a lot more than to be treated like that... And so are you.Its not an easy thing to go through and I'm one of the lucky ones (no house, no kids etc) but keep on going and remember things will get better. Feel free to PM me or ask any questions or talk to just to vent. Throwaway account but I'll keep it a bit longer.