How in the HECK do I close the "settling" gap?

I don't like the terminology either but that's what gets my point across.

I'm 24m, recently separated from 27f. High school sweethearts. Got married three years ago. No kids, thankfully. Repeatedly "left" and cheated on. It's been about two months but I'm not going back when I'm inevitably asked to, this time.

She was incredibly physically attractive but had many personality flaws that alienated her from friends and family, and ultimately myself. I'm an average dude in moderately fit shape. I have a real career and I'm easy to please. A little short (5'6"). That last one puts me in the " below average" category to many young women, apparently.

I've seen a couple women and spoken to a number on Tinder. It feels like I'm passed up, consistently, by women that aren't nearly as physically attractive as my ex or didn't have much ambition (regarding personal growth or career or whatever). I'm very involved in my health and fitness so it's hard for me to be interested in someone who isn't and actively neglects their own.

I've had a lot of time in the last year as I've seen my marriage continually crumble to consider my self-worth and what I want in a person. Based on the responses from the women I could see myself with, I'm punching above my weight. I've accepted that they're probably right and that I should expect something different. So my question is: how do I find someone I can be attracted to, physically, and have a healthy relationship with when my expectations may be out of whack?



Submitted December 13, 2019 at 11:52PM

I don't like the terminology either but that's what gets my point across.I'm 24m, recently separated from 27f. High school sweethearts. Got married three years ago. No kids, thankfully. Repeatedly "left" and cheated on. It's been about two months but I'm not going back when I'm inevitably asked to, this time.She was incredibly physically attractive but had many personality flaws that alienated her from friends and family, and ultimately myself. I'm an average dude in moderately fit shape. I have a real career and I'm easy to please. A little short (5'6"). That last one puts me in the " below average" category to many young women, apparently.I've seen a couple women and spoken to a number on Tinder. It feels like I'm passed up, consistently, by women that aren't nearly as physically attractive as my ex or didn't have much ambition (regarding personal growth or career or whatever). I'm very involved in my health and fitness so it's hard for me to be interested in someone who isn't and actively neglects their own.I've had a lot of time in the last year as I've seen my marriage continually crumble to consider my self-worth and what I want in a person. Based on the responses from the women I could see myself with, I'm punching above my weight. I've accepted that they're probably right and that I should expect something different. So my question is: how do I find someone I can be attracted to, physically, and have a healthy relationship with when my expectations may be out of whack?
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