I (F28) started dating a guy (M26) who just got out of a LTR. He says he likes me but needs to get used to dating me. Should I give it a try..? Or run away?

I (F28) started dating this guy (M26), let’s call him Jon, who is the best friend of a friend of mine (M27): Mike.

We got to know each other through my friend Mike a couple of months ago but last month during Mike’s birthday party, me and Jon really got along, we talked for the whole evening and it was very very nice. I felt sparks from the first moment I saw him but my friend Mike told me he was on and off with his girlfriend so I should probably not get any ideas.

However, after that birthday party, Jon asked my number to Mike and invited me on a date.

We went on a date, and it was very nice. We talk and laugh for hours, he’s a very nice guy, he’s kind, funny and shows a lot interest in what I do and what I like. I believe that’s just the way he is, he’s a good communicator, it’s not necessarily just with me. Nothing happened, no kissing, no flirting,just talking, but fine!

After that we texted almost everyday and we went on 3 more dates.

2nd date after a full afternoon and evening of exploring his city, going for dinner and drinks we kissed at goodbye.

3rd date we made dinner at home, and after ME started kissing him we ended up having sex, we cuddled after (even though I was very nervous and I felt he was not very comfortable).

4th date we went for dinner and drinks and it felt like a first date all over again. No kissing, no flirting, just talking and laughing about random stuff. At the goodbye I almost had to ask for a kiss and he was notoriously not comfortable.

Next day I texted him and asked him what’s going on, that I feel he’s not comfortable with me and that I need to understand what is in his mind.

He finally opened up and said he wanted to tell me this earlier but didn’t know how. That he had a 3 year relationship with this girl, after that even though they were broke up they were still seeing each-other. He said they decided to break up because it was not healthy and that it only finished for good about 2 months ago.

He said he’s sorry, but that he really liked me from the moment he first met me and when we hang out that night for Mikes birthday he really wanted to get to know me better. He says he likes me, likes to spend time with me and wants to see where things go but that sometimes it’s still surreal for him and he doesn’t know how to act. In the end he asked me for a bit of time so he could to get used to dating me.

So... I truly believe he is a nice guy and he does not intent to hurt me. I told him I understand and that I would still like to see him again and see where things go and that I also don’t want to pressure him.

But I mean... what am I getting into?

Did any of you ever been in this situation? Mine or his side of the story?

I would really like to know him better but I’m afraid I’ll get hurt. After knowing this, even though I told him I don’t want to pressure him... I’m not sure how many dates could I handle with him treating me as friend while I have in my mind that the only reason he’s not affectionate with me is because he still had his mind on his ex girlfriend.

Really don’t know what should I do.

Any advice?

Thanks guys!



Submitted November 15, 2019 at 11:19PM

I (F28) started dating this guy (M26), let’s call him Jon, who is the best friend of a friend of mine (M27): Mike.We got to know each other through my friend Mike a couple of months ago but last month during Mike’s birthday party, me and Jon really got along, we talked for the whole evening and it was very very nice. I felt sparks from the first moment I saw him but my friend Mike told me he was on and off with his girlfriend so I should probably not get any ideas.However, after that birthday party, Jon asked my number to Mike and invited me on a date.We went on a date, and it was very nice. We talk and laugh for hours, he’s a very nice guy, he’s kind, funny and shows a lot interest in what I do and what I like. I believe that’s just the way he is, he’s a good communicator, it’s not necessarily just with me. Nothing happened, no kissing, no flirting,just talking, but fine!After that we texted almost everyday and we went on 3 more dates.2nd date after a full afternoon and evening of exploring his city, going for dinner and drinks we kissed at goodbye.3rd date we made dinner at home, and after ME started kissing him we ended up having sex, we cuddled after (even though I was very nervous and I felt he was not very comfortable).4th date we went for dinner and drinks and it felt like a first date all over again. No kissing, no flirting, just talking and laughing about random stuff. At the goodbye I almost had to ask for a kiss and he was notoriously not comfortable.Next day I texted him and asked him what’s going on, that I feel he’s not comfortable with me and that I need to understand what is in his mind.He finally opened up and said he wanted to tell me this earlier but didn’t know how. That he had a 3 year relationship with this girl, after that even though they were broke up they were still seeing each-other. He said they decided to break up because it was not healthy and that it only finished for good about 2 months ago.He said he’s sorry, but that he really liked me from the moment he first met me and when we hang out that night for Mikes birthday he really wanted to get to know me better. He says he likes me, likes to spend time with me and wants to see where things go but that sometimes it’s still surreal for him and he doesn’t know how to act. In the end he asked me for a bit of time so he could to get used to dating me.So... I truly believe he is a nice guy and he does not intent to hurt me. I told him I understand and that I would still like to see him again and see where things go and that I also don’t want to pressure him.But I mean... what am I getting into?Did any of you ever been in this situation? Mine or his side of the story?I would really like to know him better but I’m afraid I’ll get hurt. After knowing this, even though I told him I don’t want to pressure him... I’m not sure how many dates could I handle with him treating me as friend while I have in my mind that the only reason he’s not affectionate with me is because he still had his mind on his ex girlfriend.Really don’t know what should I do.Any advice?Thanks guys!
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