My[30M] gf of 2 years [30F] is mad at me for not texting/calling her enough while she's on a work trip. I feel like I just need some time disconnected from her & space to breathe in order to actually really miss her. Am I in the wrong here?

So my girlfriend is on a 2 week work trip on the other side of the world.

Over the last 1.5 years or so since we moved in together, we've spent almost 0 actual time apart. This has been mostly due to life circumstances (we moved to a new city together, and our lives have become pretty much entirely intermingled).

It was pretty obvious early on in our relationship that I'm someone who usually needs a fair amount of independence & space to be happy...while I think she's pretty happy being in near constant communication most of the time. We talked & worked through this as best we could. Eventually I sort of just got used to always being around each other after we moved in. But I honestly think lack of breathing room has taken a toll on our relationship, as we've been fighting/arguing more and more over stupid stuff.

The last month has gotten especially bad with the bickering. We both agreed this work trip would be a good much-needed break from each other.

In my eyes, that break would mean potentially going at least a day or 2 without texting or calling each other. However, the week since she's been away we haven't really gone more than 12 hours or so without talking in one way or another. We've been texting every day at least a little bit, and talked on the phone a couple of times. I've been super busy with my family visiting me. She's typically been really busy with the work trip and we're on completely different timezones....with her in and out of internet access to communicate. She's been mostly the one to initiate the conversations.

Anyway, today I've been running around all day without even a second of real downtime. I received an angry text from her "What you're too busy to text your girlfriend? Did you forget about me??". This devolved into a big texting argument. She told me all her co-workers husbands are texting & calling them constantly, telling them how much they miss them.

I've tried to explain to her I can't even fully "miss" her ever if we're never actually disconnected from each other for some measurable period of time. And given the prior week we'd been non-stop fighting, that we had both agreed we needed some breathing room.

She doesn't agree with this. She said since she's been gone a week now, I wasn't normal and like a robot for not wanting to talk to her every day.

This isn't the first time this argument has happened. Early in the relationship she went home to visit her family several months after we became official. Again we stayed in daily text communication. But we were on different timezones, her going to bed just as I was just waking up she was just going to bed. She got upset saying she doesn't feel like I miss her at all, and I should want to talk to her a lot more.

Clearly we have different communication needs. I've tried to bend to hers throughout the relationship...but genuinely, I need time away from someone, fully disconnected, regardless of how much I love them. She thinks this means I don't care about her.

Am I an asshole here?

TL;DR: Girlfriend is on a work trip and says I'm an asshole for not talking ot her enough, even after we both agreed we need some space to ourselves.

Submitted October 10, 2019 at 11:28PM

So my girlfriend is on a 2 week work trip on the other side of the world.Over the last 1.5 years or so since we moved in together, we've spent almost 0 actual time apart. This has been mostly due to life circumstances (we moved to a new city together, and our lives have become pretty much entirely intermingled).It was pretty obvious early on in our relationship that I'm someone who usually needs a fair amount of independence & space to be happy...while I think she's pretty happy being in near constant communication most of the time. We talked & worked through this as best we could. Eventually I sort of just got used to always being around each other after we moved in. But I honestly think lack of breathing room has taken a toll on our relationship, as we've been fighting/arguing more and more over stupid stuff.The last month has gotten especially bad with the bickering. We both agreed this work trip would be a good much-needed break from each other.In my eyes, that break would mean potentially going at least a day or 2 without texting or calling each other. However, the week since she's been away we haven't really gone more than 12 hours or so without talking in one way or another. We've been texting every day at least a little bit, and talked on the phone a couple of times. I've been super busy with my family visiting me. She's typically been really busy with the work trip and we're on completely different timezones....with her in and out of internet access to communicate. She's been mostly the one to initiate the conversations.Anyway, today I've been running around all day without even a second of real downtime. I received an angry text from her "What you're too busy to text your girlfriend? Did you forget about me??". This devolved into a big texting argument. She told me all her co-workers husbands are texting & calling them constantly, telling them how much they miss them.I've tried to explain to her I can't even fully "miss" her ever if we're never actually disconnected from each other for some measurable period of time. And given the prior week we'd been non-stop fighting, that we had both agreed we needed some breathing room.She doesn't agree with this. She said since she's been gone a week now, I wasn't normal and like a robot for not wanting to talk to her every day.This isn't the first time this argument has happened. Early in the relationship she went home to visit her family several months after we became official. Again we stayed in daily text communication. But we were on different timezones, her going to bed just as I was just waking up she was just going to bed. She got upset saying she doesn't feel like I miss her at all, and I should want to talk to her a lot more.Clearly we have different communication needs. I've tried to bend to hers throughout the relationship...but genuinely, I need time away from someone, fully disconnected, regardless of how much I love them. She thinks this means I don't care about her.Am I an asshole here?TL;DR: Girlfriend is on a work trip and says I'm an asshole for not talking ot her enough, even after we both agreed we need some space to ourselves.