F22 // how can I correct this behavior for future relationships?

Hey everyone, I just got out of a long winded, toxic and perhaps emotionally abusive relationship.

Basically, I kind of always had a hunch i was being used during the relationship. I never said anything about it though, simply because I chose to ignore it and wasnt really feeling any pain from it (at the time).

When we broke up, however, I realized very quickly that that hunch was actually pretty valid, as many of my friends, family and even psychiatrist spoke against the actions of the partner and stated I was indeed being taken advantage of (they were speaking on circumstances post break up, not the circumstances during the relationship).

In any case, I notice now, only in hindsight I was often very caring of my partner's emotions but gave very little regard for my own.

I am a very "quick to laugh" kind of person; even if something is hurting me. I try hard not to let things get to me, but the moment they do, they really get to me.

My go to response for conflict is simply detaching (which I'm really good at) or temporary isolation. These are two of the more minor traits I'd like to correct.

That said, I believe the more major toxic behaviors I have are

• My inability to communicate negative emotions to others
• general fear of conflict
• and lastly, the worst of them all, The inability to stand up for myself.

My ex hurt me a lot, and plenty of people ask me why I continuously "let them back in" if it bothers me so much.

I dont know why I did, but I'm finally at a point where I can confidently decline/ ignore interaction from them which is really good!

Overall, since the break up, I've tried my best to stay proactive in self improvements so that I dont find myself in another toxic vortex like I did before.

I'd really love to see myself have a future happy, healthy and truly loving relationship with someone.

I suppose as a sidenote and to give a little more context as the type of person I am is:

I've been described all too often as "too nice" or "without a backbone". I can agree with this to some extent, but I also know it's only true in intimate relationships- not in friendships or in work environments.

Interestingly enough, I've been describes as just the opposite in work enviornments. I'm more aggressive and more willing to take risks in those situations.

All in all,

I'm very hopeful for my future as a healthier person, but I'd like to know where to start and how to actively correct myself.

If anybody has any mental strategies, coping mechanisms or general tactics for these issues I would love to hear them.

Thanks crew!

Tldr: how do you correct toxic behavior?

Submitted September 19, 2019 at 11:30PM

Hey everyone, I just got out of a long winded, toxic and perhaps emotionally abusive relationship.Basically, I kind of always had a hunch i was being used during the relationship. I never said anything about it though, simply because I chose to ignore it and wasnt really feeling any pain from it (at the time).When we broke up, however, I realized very quickly that that hunch was actually pretty valid, as many of my friends, family and even psychiatrist spoke against the actions of the partner and stated I was indeed being taken advantage of (they were speaking on circumstances post break up, not the circumstances during the relationship).In any case, I notice now, only in hindsight I was often very caring of my partner's emotions but gave very little regard for my own.I am a very "quick to laugh" kind of person; even if something is hurting me. I try hard not to let things get to me, but the moment they do, they really get to me.My go to response for conflict is simply detaching (which I'm really good at) or temporary isolation. These are two of the more minor traits I'd like to correct.That said, I believe the more major toxic behaviors I have areMy inability to communicate negative emotions to othersgeneral fear of conflictand lastly, the worst of them all, The inability to stand up for myself.My ex hurt me a lot, and plenty of people ask me why I continuously "let them back in" if it bothers me so much.I dont know why I did, but I'm finally at a point where I can confidently decline/ ignore interaction from them which is really good!Overall, since the break up, I've tried my best to stay proactive in self improvements so that I dont find myself in another toxic vortex like I did before.I'd really love to see myself have a future happy, healthy and truly loving relationship with someone.I suppose as a sidenote and to give a little more context as the type of person I am is:I've been described all too often as "too nice" or "without a backbone". I can agree with this to some extent, but I also know it's only true in intimate relationships- not in friendships or in work environments.Interestingly enough, I've been describes as just the opposite in work enviornments. I'm more aggressive and more willing to take risks in those situations.All in all,I'm very hopeful for my future as a healthier person, but I'd like to know where to start and how to actively correct myself.If anybody has any mental strategies, coping mechanisms or general tactics for these issues I would love to hear them.Thanks crew!Tldr: how do you correct toxic behavior?