Why am i like this

I (22 m) live in a very homophobic country so meeting someone gay is almost near impossible and if you manage to find anyone they are just mostly looking for a hook up because its pretty much hopeless to look for love here or because of internalized homophobia , i started using anonymous internet chatting sites and look for people from country and found a guy after weeks of looking for someone that actually wants something real . We added each other on anonymous social media and talked for 2 weeks and we hung out together once , i really like this guy hes smart goodlooking has many similarities with me , he is everything i ever wished for , he said he has fell for me from the start , while i liked him the feelings didnt grow much more than that from my side , which is absolutely disgusting, i have always crushed over guys that are bad or straight basically guys that i can never be with , now when i have finally found someone that is virtually perfect and loves me i cant reciprocate the feelings?! This makes me feel so bad and makes me feel like iam a bad person and that i dont deserve him (ofc i dont he deserves someone to love him back). I dont know if this is just venting or just asking for advice but iam disgusted from myself and feel unworthy of love.



Submitted August 31, 2021 at 11:55PM

I (22 m) live in a very homophobic country so meeting someone gay is almost near impossible and if you manage to find anyone they are just mostly looking for a hook up because its pretty much hopeless to look for love here or because of internalized homophobia , i started using anonymous internet chatting sites and look for people from country and found a guy after weeks of looking for someone that actually wants something real . We added each other on anonymous social media and talked for 2 weeks and we hung out together once , i really like this guy hes smart goodlooking has many similarities with me , he is everything i ever wished for , he said he has fell for me from the start , while i liked him the feelings didnt grow much more than that from my side , which is absolutely disgusting, i have always crushed over guys that are bad or straight basically guys that i can never be with , now when i have finally found someone that is virtually perfect and loves me i cant reciprocate the feelings?! This makes me feel so bad and makes me feel like iam a bad person and that i dont deserve him (ofc i dont he deserves someone to love him back). I dont know if this is just venting or just asking for advice but iam disgusted from myself and feel unworthy of love.
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