Still in love with my ex after almost 2 years? Help?

So I (20F) dated this guy (22M) in the fall of 2019, my first semester of college. Almost two years ago. We were only exclusive/officially in a relationship for about a month and a half but I really liked him more than any of my ex’s. I believe he is my first real love. We pretty much just faded away around december 2019 and then reconnected at the start of 2020. He told me he didn’t want a relationship Bc he feels he’s too busy for one since he works almost full time and is also a full time college student so he feels he won’t have much time for a relationship. Since then, we’ve been fwb. We text everyday and meet up every now and then. When we see each other we kiss so passionately and sometimes even act like a couple. We’ve even made plans to go to amusement park together or out of state. Over time I’ve realized I still like him a lot and that he’s the first person I’ve truly fallen in love with. I had another relationship earlier this year but kept comparing him to my ex and it didn’t work out.

Even though I still have feelings for my ex, I do still talk to some of my past flings and hook up with them sometimes. I have more free time than my ex bc I’m in college but I don’t work atm. I’m sure he does text other girls and I hate the thought of it but we’re not together so I can’t say nothing about it. Sometimes I feel horrible bc I did cheat on him back when we were together a few times with my other ex. He never found out about it though and we’re still friends. Idk if he also cheated on me back then or if he used to text other girls while we were together but I can’t help but wonder about it, even though it’s been almost 2 years. I also don’t know how he feels towards me rn but I don’t want to confess to him that I still have feelings for him. That’s embarrassing if he doesn’t feel the same and even if he did, maybe he will say he wouldn’t have time for a relationship bc of school and work. He’s very ambitious and goal oriented.

I still have feelings for him, which makes it hard for me to date someone else. I have meaningless sex with others and have tried another relationship with someone else but I still think about my ex, with hopes that by staying his friend, we could get back together in the future years to come, but I know I cant keep waiting for him to be ready, especially since he has no idea how I still feel about him. How can I try to move on?

Submitted August 31, 2021 at 11:50PM

So I (20F) dated this guy (22M) in the fall of 2019, my first semester of college. Almost two years ago. We were only exclusive/officially in a relationship for about a month and a half but I really liked him more than any of my ex’s. I believe he is my first real love. We pretty much just faded away around december 2019 and then reconnected at the start of 2020. He told me he didn’t want a relationship Bc he feels he’s too busy for one since he works almost full time and is also a full time college student so he feels he won’t have much time for a relationship. Since then, we’ve been fwb. We text everyday and meet up every now and then. When we see each other we kiss so passionately and sometimes even act like a couple. We’ve even made plans to go to amusement park together or out of state. Over time I’ve realized I still like him a lot and that he’s the first person I’ve truly fallen in love with. I had another relationship earlier this year but kept comparing him to my ex and it didn’t work out.Even though I still have feelings for my ex, I do still talk to some of my past flings and hook up with them sometimes. I have more free time than my ex bc I’m in college but I don’t work atm. I’m sure he does text other girls and I hate the thought of it but we’re not together so I can’t say nothing about it. Sometimes I feel horrible bc I did cheat on him back when we were together a few times with my other ex. He never found out about it though and we’re still friends. Idk if he also cheated on me back then or if he used to text other girls while we were together but I can’t help but wonder about it, even though it’s been almost 2 years. I also don’t know how he feels towards me rn but I don’t want to confess to him that I still have feelings for him. That’s embarrassing if he doesn’t feel the same and even if he did, maybe he will say he wouldn’t have time for a relationship bc of school and work. He’s very ambitious and goal oriented.I still have feelings for him, which makes it hard for me to date someone else. I have meaningless sex with others and have tried another relationship with someone else but I still think about my ex, with hopes that by staying his friend, we could get back together in the future years to come, but I know I cant keep waiting for him to be ready, especially since he has no idea how I still feel about him. How can I try to move on?