Sexually attracted to toxic masculinity and assholes, emotionally attracted to the opposite

If I could fix it I would, so that’s why I’m asking for advice.

I’m a female in my mid 20’s, and all of the men I like/daydream about/imagine are a certain type of toxic masculinity, overtly alpha and mainly assholes. I’m very sexually attracted to men like that, and that’s who I generally go for, even when I don’t want to because it never works out, they end up being very mean and controlling, and it’s a very negative dating relationship. I also can’t connect emotionally with them. I can only connect emotionally to men who are pretty much the opposite, genuine and kind and quiet and introverted, I guess. Not very outwardly dominant in an in your face kind of way. These men open up a whole new world for me, and I feel like if I can actually get past this strong desire to date men who are assholes because I’m attracted to them, everything I’m actually looking for will be in someone more along the lines of the second type I described, and I could actually genuinely connect with someone and form an emotional bond that’s always been lacking in every man I’ve dated so far. I also feel like it’d make the sex better ultimately. But HOW DO I DO THAT? Why am I like this. I’m a good person and I want to be with someone who is also a good person, and genuine, and as loving as I am. So how do I get past my attraction to assholes?



Submitted November 02, 2020 at 11:27PM

If I could fix it I would, so that’s why I’m asking for advice.I’m a female in my mid 20’s, and all of the men I like/daydream about/imagine are a certain type of toxic masculinity, overtly alpha and mainly assholes. I’m very sexually attracted to men like that, and that’s who I generally go for, even when I don’t want to because it never works out, they end up being very mean and controlling, and it’s a very negative dating relationship. I also can’t connect emotionally with them. I can only connect emotionally to men who are pretty much the opposite, genuine and kind and quiet and introverted, I guess. Not very outwardly dominant in an in your face kind of way. These men open up a whole new world for me, and I feel like if I can actually get past this strong desire to date men who are assholes because I’m attracted to them, everything I’m actually looking for will be in someone more along the lines of the second type I described, and I could actually genuinely connect with someone and form an emotional bond that’s always been lacking in every man I’ve dated so far. I also feel like it’d make the sex better ultimately. But HOW DO I DO THAT? Why am I like this. I’m a good person and I want to be with someone who is also a good person, and genuine, and as loving as I am. So how do I get past my attraction to assholes?
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