Leading people on in the pandemic M21

The title is a bit click baity cause hell i want people to weigh in and advice me. Sorry for leading you guys on lmao.

Being single is killing me right now. I live alone at university and I'm under a lot of stress. Saying that, I dont want a relationship. My last two relationships were intense, I rebounded from one to the next and they both lasted about 2 and a half years. So I haven't really been single since I was 15. I think it stunted my personal development; im now trying to explore my pansexuality, but I've had some pretty odd experiences with grindr and obviously being pansexual (I think) my sexuality goes in a lot of different directions, so that is not a solution for exploration.

The UK has just announced its going in to a second full blown lockdown, so no going out to pubs, there's already been no clubbing this whole time, just no opportunity to meet people casually. I dont like dating apps in general, sure at first it was fun to develop my text game as I never used to be much of a texter and now I'm more comfortable with that which is great. Silver linings and all.

But now I feel lonely as hell. Like I said I wasn't much of a texter at first so the online dating took a while to take to before I got any dates 😅 plus I felt awkward and avoided the dates I had myself cause of past experiences. Now I'm pretty much out of matches in my area and although I've got a few dates secured, its not necessarily guaranteed to be what I'm looking for.

The thing is with online dating is a lot of people are looking for a lot of different things. I'm looking for something casual. I wasn't looking for casual regular, but thats the type of relationships I see myself developing now, because I don't want to be attached but I don't want to be alone.

So here comes the kicker. Im tempted to lead people on, or to get in to another relationship just for the pandemic, so I don't feel alone and I can have reliable good sec for a while again. Being in relationships as long as I was I am used to being and known for being incredibly sexually active. I haven't had sex in months and im getting very desperate. Its so bad I am hitting on people at work, that are in relationships and I dont know how to apologise or go back from making it awkward like that. Ultimately I would never usually move to someone at work, but when there's nowhere else to meet people in person I find myself trying it everywhere. I'm not unattractive, I work in sales so I can flow a convo and im fairly funny, so its not like I don't get peoples details and get them talking, but most people aren't looking to meet their next casual fuckbuddy on the bus or at work tbh so when they realise my intentions I think it creates MASSIVELY the wrong impression.

Honestly maybe it is a pretty bad vibe im giving off, like I've always had pretty grey morals and I am constantly trying to change that, but people judge past and way of living anyways, so I just try aim to be honest with my intentions. Obviously I haven't been fully honest and might have created a problem at work by hitting on someone (not aggressively, but yes I mentioned when asked by one colleague that if the opportunity arose I would get with this colleague and I am always just friendly with them and asked them to come lunch with me etc. Might have sent 1 message drunkenly, but it was commenting on a political post of theres and agreeing, so none of which is aggressive flirting? But maybe a bit grey to mention i would and clearly show i fancy them? Kind of a separate issue). If anyone wants to weigh in on how I should handle this or give their opinion on how bad it is having done this, I'll hear it and take it on board. Like I said, I've had some grey morals and I know I need to adjust them, to most people - dont date at work - dont get with someone with a partner are pretty clear moral lines. But I've been on both sides of cheating and I've seen relationships flourish in a workplace and worked with a partner before, so I think it's all blurred the lines for me and idek if I can unblur them. I want to though I'm annoyed at myself more than anything for even trying to cross it.

TL;DR: The real question is how should I be dealing with my dating life in the pandemic. I dont want to be lonely any more. I really need some affection im under a lot of stress and honestly just want someone to hold more than sleep with at this point but I dont want to get attached, cause I've been in too many intense relationships. What should I do?

Submitted November 02, 2020 at 11:29PM

The title is a bit click baity cause hell i want people to weigh in and advice me. Sorry for leading you guys on lmao.Being single is killing me right now. I live alone at university and I'm under a lot of stress. Saying that, I dont want a relationship. My last two relationships were intense, I rebounded from one to the next and they both lasted about 2 and a half years. So I haven't really been single since I was 15. I think it stunted my personal development; im now trying to explore my pansexuality, but I've had some pretty odd experiences with grindr and obviously being pansexual (I think) my sexuality goes in a lot of different directions, so that is not a solution for exploration.The UK has just announced its going in to a second full blown lockdown, so no going out to pubs, there's already been no clubbing this whole time, just no opportunity to meet people casually. I dont like dating apps in general, sure at first it was fun to develop my text game as I never used to be much of a texter and now I'm more comfortable with that which is great. Silver linings and all.But now I feel lonely as hell. Like I said I wasn't much of a texter at first so the online dating took a while to take to before I got any dates 😅 plus I felt awkward and avoided the dates I had myself cause of past experiences. Now I'm pretty much out of matches in my area and although I've got a few dates secured, its not necessarily guaranteed to be what I'm looking for.The thing is with online dating is a lot of people are looking for a lot of different things. I'm looking for something casual. I wasn't looking for casual regular, but thats the type of relationships I see myself developing now, because I don't want to be attached but I don't want to be alone.So here comes the kicker. Im tempted to lead people on, or to get in to another relationship just for the pandemic, so I don't feel alone and I can have reliable good sec for a while again. Being in relationships as long as I was I am used to being and known for being incredibly sexually active. I haven't had sex in months and im getting very desperate. Its so bad I am hitting on people at work, that are in relationships and I dont know how to apologise or go back from making it awkward like that. Ultimately I would never usually move to someone at work, but when there's nowhere else to meet people in person I find myself trying it everywhere. I'm not unattractive, I work in sales so I can flow a convo and im fairly funny, so its not like I don't get peoples details and get them talking, but most people aren't looking to meet their next casual fuckbuddy on the bus or at work tbh so when they realise my intentions I think it creates MASSIVELY the wrong impression.Honestly maybe it is a pretty bad vibe im giving off, like I've always had pretty grey morals and I am constantly trying to change that, but people judge past and way of living anyways, so I just try aim to be honest with my intentions. Obviously I haven't been fully honest and might have created a problem at work by hitting on someone (not aggressively, but yes I mentioned when asked by one colleague that if the opportunity arose I would get with this colleague and I am always just friendly with them and asked them to come lunch with me etc. Might have sent 1 message drunkenly, but it was commenting on a political post of theres and agreeing, so none of which is aggressive flirting? But maybe a bit grey to mention i would and clearly show i fancy them? Kind of a separate issue). If anyone wants to weigh in on how I should handle this or give their opinion on how bad it is having done this, I'll hear it and take it on board. Like I said, I've had some grey morals and I know I need to adjust them, to most people - dont date at work - dont get with someone with a partner are pretty clear moral lines. But I've been on both sides of cheating and I've seen relationships flourish in a workplace and worked with a partner before, so I think it's all blurred the lines for me and idek if I can unblur them. I want to though I'm annoyed at myself more than anything for even trying to cross it.TL;DR: The real question is how should I be dealing with my dating life in the pandemic. I dont want to be lonely any more. I really need some affection im under a lot of stress and honestly just want someone to hold more than sleep with at this point but I dont want to get attached, cause I've been in too many intense relationships. What should I do?