My brother (30M) ignores me (27F) almost completely for the past 5 years since he got married, and I finally got mad at him for it. Now my mom and rest of the family is mad at *me*? Am I not seeing things correctly??

My older brother and I used to be best friends. But once he got married, his wife told him that he was too close to me and he needed to give some of our relationship up to be with her.

So, it’s been 5 years of him slowly pulling away from me, to the point now where he hasn’t initiated a conversation with me in over a year, never responds to my attempts to call, rarely if ever responds back to my texts (has responded three times in this year). I also went through a really terrible abusive relationship about three years ago, and my whole family really rallied around me but he never even reached out, and the one time I reached out to him about it he just told me he didn’t want to talk about my situation because it would be hard to hear.

The rest of my family is extremely close (as in we talk several times a week to each other.)

The reason I’m writing is, my mom.

My mom has communication with me all the time but rarely also speaks to my older brother. So I hear allllll of her thoughts on our relationship. She frequently gets mad at me that I haven’t done things correctly in saving my relationship with my brother (even though I am the only one reaching out and trying for the past 5 years!) It feels as though because she doesn’t get to communicate with my brother, she just finds faults in me and focuses only on what more I need to do to fix things with my brother.

I finally had enough last week and messaged my brother again saying “what’s the point of having a brother if you’re never able to be available anyway.” Obviously... no response lol

And now, my whole family that I do keep contact with are mad at me

I honestly feel really frustrated by this. I am the one getting ignored by my brother! I am the one who had to overlook everytime he wasn’t there for me, and I kept reaching out and calling even after all the things his wife said! But I finally say something (albeit mean) to him about it and my family is acting like I am the dramatic one who created these problems. My mom even told me she doesn’t want to hear anymore about mine and my brothers relationship from me.

Am I losing my mind? Am I in the wrong and just cannot see it??? Please help.

Tldr; brother (30M) ignores me (27F) almost completely for the past 5 years since he got married, and I finally got mad at him for it. Now my mom and rest of the family is mad at me? Am I not seeing things correctly?

Submitted September 26, 2020 at 12:10AM

My older brother and I used to be best friends. But once he got married, his wife told him that he was too close to me and he needed to give some of our relationship up to be with her.So, it’s been 5 years of him slowly pulling away from me, to the point now where he hasn’t initiated a conversation with me in over a year, never responds to my attempts to call, rarely if ever responds back to my texts (has responded three times in this year). I also went through a really terrible abusive relationship about three years ago, and my whole family really rallied around me but he never even reached out, and the one time I reached out to him about it he just told me he didn’t want to talk about my situation because it would be hard to hear.The rest of my family is extremely close (as in we talk several times a week to each other.)The reason I’m writing is, my mom.My mom has communication with me all the time but rarely also speaks to my older brother. So I hear allllll of her thoughts on our relationship. She frequently gets mad at me that I haven’t done things correctly in saving my relationship with my brother (even though I am the only one reaching out and trying for the past 5 years!) It feels as though because she doesn’t get to communicate with my brother, she just finds faults in me and focuses only on what more I need to do to fix things with my brother.I finally had enough last week and messaged my brother again saying “what’s the point of having a brother if you’re never able to be available anyway.” Obviously... no response lolAnd now, my whole family that I do keep contact with are mad at meI honestly feel really frustrated by this. I am the one getting ignored by my brother! I am the one who had to overlook everytime he wasn’t there for me, and I kept reaching out and calling even after all the things his wife said! But I finally say something (albeit mean) to him about it and my family is acting like I am the dramatic one who created these problems. My mom even told me she doesn’t want to hear anymore about mine and my brothers relationship from me.Am I losing my mind? Am I in the wrong and just cannot see it??? Please help.Tldr; brother (30M) ignores me (27F) almost completely for the past 5 years since he got married, and I finally got mad at him for it. Now my mom and rest of the family is mad at me? Am I not seeing things correctly?