I (f30) fell in love for my FWB (m40) but he went back to his ex. Why he didn’t want to be with me ?

The guy (40) I was having casual sex with once a week for four month but know each other for years . He always used to like me but never asked me out directly , he always used to say I’m out of his league . I never considered dating him as he used to have kind of a womanizer reputation so I initiated a hook up.

We were having conversations and had fun times, hanging out for a few hrs after sex. He cooked dinners. The chemistry was crazy. It was pretty obvious that we are just hooking up and I once even asked him if he’s going on dates . He once said he’d love to watch a movie together but didn’t really reciprocate.

At the beginning all I wanted was just sex and didn’t plant to date him but I started to get attached to him.

For the past month or so he started to become distant and pulling away and ignoring me. I asked him to hang out twice and he made excuses that he had to work but he’d love too.

I finally confronted him and texted him whats the deal , told him that I really like him and enjoy being with him and that I want more, and asked him on a real date, and he finally confessed that he’s back with his ex and that he really likes me but that’s what it is.
He texted that he’s terribly uncomfortable but he can’t help it as he still has feelings for her. (He left her a few times before due to her bad temper and she never left him alone and asked to take her back )

And then he started to bulshit me about how he’s so unhappy right now as he’s anxious about all this and not even enjoying life (Don’t get why he’s trying to seem miserable.) and that he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen with her and he thinks it’s a mistake , telling me that he’s not a bad person and asking me not to hate him ,blah blah blah.

I asked him why you just didn’t tell me and he said he wasn’t sure yet about getting back together with her but he would tell me . I said I’m not angry and I understand and told him I fell in love with him and even said I can give him more than her ( I know it’s stupid of me and needy but it was in a moment ). He said please try to forget me but said don’t disappear .text here and there .

Now when I think about it I get the impression that perhaps ha was talking to her all this time and working on getting back with her while sleeping with me and even slept with both of us .

I don’t understand why he just didn’t tell me for weeks and lied and avoided me until I finally confronted him. I know he doesn’t have to but we have know each other for years plus it’s a decent thing to do.

The last time we met was a month before all this conversation, he was already distancing but still took me to a party introduced to everyone , all his friends were so impressed by me and kept asking where did he find me. I kissed him in front of people and was affectionate acting as we are together, now I realize that he was already back with her when we were at the party! 😞 after that party he stopped texting . Why did he even take me there . He even said he’s planning to take a trip and asked me if I want to come and visit him there . I even brought him a little gift . He loves cooking so I gave him a special bottle of sauce for cooking .

I feel I made a complete fool of myself and embarrassed myself at the party . He became very active on social media posting pics of himself enjoying life and even in one if the pics he posted himself having lunch and made sure the bottle of sauce I gave him is right on the middle of the picture ...

We didn’t talk since then but he makes sure he likes and wows all my stuff on social media. I deleted him from my social media a few weeks ago .

TL;DR: I’m having a hard time to move on and my ego is hurt . Why he didn’t want me and chose to go back to his ex again . Why she’s better .Did he like me at all..

Submitted September 26, 2020 at 12:07AM

The guy (40) I was having casual sex with once a week for four month but know each other for years . He always used to like me but never asked me out directly , he always used to say I’m out of his league . I never considered dating him as he used to have kind of a womanizer reputation so I initiated a hook up.We were having conversations and had fun times, hanging out for a few hrs after sex. He cooked dinners. The chemistry was crazy. It was pretty obvious that we are just hooking up and I once even asked him if he’s going on dates . He once said he’d love to watch a movie together but didn’t really reciprocate.At the beginning all I wanted was just sex and didn’t plant to date him but I started to get attached to him.For the past month or so he started to become distant and pulling away and ignoring me. I asked him to hang out twice and he made excuses that he had to work but he’d love too.I finally confronted him and texted him whats the deal , told him that I really like him and enjoy being with him and that I want more, and asked him on a real date, and he finally confessed that he’s back with his ex and that he really likes me but that’s what it is.He texted that he’s terribly uncomfortable but he can’t help it as he still has feelings for her. (He left her a few times before due to her bad temper and she never left him alone and asked to take her back )And then he started to bulshit me about how he’s so unhappy right now as he’s anxious about all this and not even enjoying life (Don’t get why he’s trying to seem miserable.) and that he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen with her and he thinks it’s a mistake , telling me that he’s not a bad person and asking me not to hate him ,blah blah blah.I asked him why you just didn’t tell me and he said he wasn’t sure yet about getting back together with her but he would tell me . I said I’m not angry and I understand and told him I fell in love with him and even said I can give him more than her ( I know it’s stupid of me and needy but it was in a moment ). He said please try to forget me but said don’t disappear .text here and there .Now when I think about it I get the impression that perhaps ha was talking to her all this time and working on getting back with her while sleeping with me and even slept with both of us .I don’t understand why he just didn’t tell me for weeks and lied and avoided me until I finally confronted him. I know he doesn’t have to but we have know each other for years plus it’s a decent thing to do.The last time we met was a month before all this conversation, he was already distancing but still took me to a party introduced to everyone , all his friends were so impressed by me and kept asking where did he find me. I kissed him in front of people and was affectionate acting as we are together, now I realize that he was already back with her when we were at the party! 😞 after that party he stopped texting . Why did he even take me there . He even said he’s planning to take a trip and asked me if I want to come and visit him there . I even brought him a little gift . He loves cooking so I gave him a special bottle of sauce for cooking .I feel I made a complete fool of myself and embarrassed myself at the party . He became very active on social media posting pics of himself enjoying life and even in one if the pics he posted himself having lunch and made sure the bottle of sauce I gave him is right on the middle of the picture ...We didn’t talk since then but he makes sure he likes and wows all my stuff on social media. I deleted him from my social media a few weeks ago .TL;DR: I’m having a hard time to move on and my ego is hurt . Why he didn’t want me and chose to go back to his ex again . Why she’s better .Did he like me at all..