Late 20’s and need advice

So..I grew up in an eastern Asian household where grades were emphasized my entire life, and boys forbidden. Fast forward 25 years, and I’m a doctor, have a great job (albeit with long hours), and comfortably paying off my loans and getting on with life.

Enter a boy, who is from the same culture I am, and has been pretty fun to talk to. We have been texting and calling for a few months now, but unable to meet up due to the covid-19 pandemic. Talking has been fun and interesting, but lately he has been dropping sexual lines into the conversation, telling me how much he loves my “feet,” and how he can’t wait to see them in person, asking me if I wear dresses and if I’ll wear one for him. The latest one is that he wants me to wear lingerie for him when he comes over to my house. (I told him it was too early for that.)

I’m not okay with this, and it’s a huge turn off for me. I’ve causally skirted about the subject with him and he’s never really replied or addressed my comments, just changes the subject.

I don’t believe in premarital sex, nor do I plan on having him stay in my house with me when he visits. Am I being unreasonable? Why do I feel so uncomfortable? This is the first real relationship I’ve had and it’s making me not want to talk to someone who obviously has sex on their mind. It’s something I’m having a hard time getting over. I feel that he respects me, but I have explicitly said I do not believe in premarital sex and don’t understand why he keeps bringing it up in conversation.

I don’t want to end up alone...my friends have told me that “all boys want is sex,” even the good ones, and that I need to hold my ground for my values and “train” the guy to understand that I’m not going to budge. However, it’s a huge turn off for me! Am I not supposed to feel uncomfortable and just brush this off?

Submitted April 23, 2020 at 11:25PM

So..I grew up in an eastern Asian household where grades were emphasized my entire life, and boys forbidden. Fast forward 25 years, and I’m a doctor, have a great job (albeit with long hours), and comfortably paying off my loans and getting on with life.Enter a boy, who is from the same culture I am, and has been pretty fun to talk to. We have been texting and calling for a few months now, but unable to meet up due to the covid-19 pandemic. Talking has been fun and interesting, but lately he has been dropping sexual lines into the conversation, telling me how much he loves my “feet,” and how he can’t wait to see them in person, asking me if I wear dresses and if I’ll wear one for him. The latest one is that he wants me to wear lingerie for him when he comes over to my house. (I told him it was too early for that.)I’m not okay with this, and it’s a huge turn off for me. I’ve causally skirted about the subject with him and he’s never really replied or addressed my comments, just changes the subject.I don’t believe in premarital sex, nor do I plan on having him stay in my house with me when he visits. Am I being unreasonable? Why do I feel so uncomfortable? This is the first real relationship I’ve had and it’s making me not want to talk to someone who obviously has sex on their mind. It’s something I’m having a hard time getting over. I feel that he respects me, but I have explicitly said I do not believe in premarital sex and don’t understand why he keeps bringing it up in conversation.I don’t want to end up alone...my friends have told me that “all boys want is sex,” even the good ones, and that I need to hold my ground for my values and “train” the guy to understand that I’m not going to budge. However, it’s a huge turn off for me! Am I not supposed to feel uncomfortable and just brush this off?