How can I get my husband to spank me the right way?

I've shown and explained to my husband exactly how I want to be spanked and yet he continues to do it in a way that turns me off.

Some context: a few months ago, I revealed to him that getting spanked turns me on. He was willing to give it a go. He didn't seem turned on or off by the idea - just neutral. He has since spanked me dozens of times and there was ONE TIME where he did it perfectly - right tempo, hitting the right spots, just enough so I could feel lots of sensation but it wasn't painful, etc - but apart from that one time, he always manages to spank me in a way that turns me off completely.

For example - he will hit my ass too high up, so he ends up slapping my lower back (not very hot for me) or the side of my hip, where it just feels unpleasant and not sexy. He will either hit way too soft or too hard. And the most frustrating thing is when I ask him to spank me and he says "oh, sure" and then slaps my ass ONCE or maybe twice. Like, that's not what I want. Another thing, he seems to be all spastic in his slaps, like he has no real control over his hand, which actually makes me feel nervous like I can't really trust him, which creates the exact opposite feeling I was looking for.

I will be upfront with him about what feels good and what doesn't but I feel like I just end up constantly bossing him around and telling him how to do it. I really shouldn't have to tell him 10+ times that slapping my lower back or hip is extremely unpleasant.

After he did it the way I liked that one time, I tried positive reinforcement, telling him how good it was. I will even say "spank me like that time on the couch" but it doesn't work. I guess he has no memory of what he did that one time, so he can't re-create it.

I don't get it. I didn't think spanking someone was this hard to do. He isn't an idiot outside of the bedroom and I give clear feedback and I'm very specific in asking for what I want. And yet....

I would really love some advice here!

Submitted April 24, 2020 at 12:13AM

I've shown and explained to my husband exactly how I want to be spanked and yet he continues to do it in a way that turns me off.Some context: a few months ago, I revealed to him that getting spanked turns me on. He was willing to give it a go. He didn't seem turned on or off by the idea - just neutral. He has since spanked me dozens of times and there was ONE TIME where he did it perfectly - right tempo, hitting the right spots, just enough so I could feel lots of sensation but it wasn't painful, etc - but apart from that one time, he always manages to spank me in a way that turns me off completely.For example - he will hit my ass too high up, so he ends up slapping my lower back (not very hot for me) or the side of my hip, where it just feels unpleasant and not sexy. He will either hit way too soft or too hard. And the most frustrating thing is when I ask him to spank me and he says "oh, sure" and then slaps my ass ONCE or maybe twice. Like, that's not what I want. Another thing, he seems to be all spastic in his slaps, like he has no real control over his hand, which actually makes me feel nervous like I can't really trust him, which creates the exact opposite feeling I was looking for.I will be upfront with him about what feels good and what doesn't but I feel like I just end up constantly bossing him around and telling him how to do it. I really shouldn't have to tell him 10+ times that slapping my lower back or hip is extremely unpleasant.After he did it the way I liked that one time, I tried positive reinforcement, telling him how good it was. I will even say "spank me like that time on the couch" but it doesn't work. I guess he has no memory of what he did that one time, so he can't re-create it.I don't get it. I didn't think spanking someone was this hard to do. He isn't an idiot outside of the bedroom and I give clear feedback and I'm very specific in asking for what I want. And yet....I would really love some advice here!