What should I (21F) do about my awful relationship with my father (46M)?

Content warning for abuse for any who feel like backing out, I guess.

Hello everyone, sorry for the bad title and any awkward formatting; I'm posting this from mobile. This is a throwaway account because I don't want to risk the chance of my father or any of my relatives seeing this. This is kind of a really long story but I'll keep it as short as I'm able because honestly I just do not know where to go from here...

So some background information: after a series of unfortunate events, myself and my three younger brothers no longer live with my biological parents. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive towards us for years due to some pretty serious drug problems and (deliberately) untreated mental illnesses including but not limited to bipolar, depression, PTSD, and schizophrenia. She was also abusive towards my father. Anyway, after we lost our home (long story) and were homeless for a few months, my parents dumped my siblings and I off at a family friend's house and after an incident where my mother assaulted me, my parents became estranged. My siblings and I have been living with the family friend and her husband for a year and a half now and they've essentially adopted my brothers and have helped me get on my feet and get the resources I need to be a successful adult. I love them as if they were my real parents. I have no desire to ever connect with my garbage mother, even though it hurts me to say that.

But this isn't about my mother, unfortunately. The issue is my dad. I have a lot of mixed feelings towards him, because on one hand, he's kind of a jerk. He deliberately tries to antagonize me because he thinks it's funny to see me get angry, he hasn't really followed the case plan the court set out for him or helped the family friend and I with finances, and he's obsessed with my biological mother. He's been trying to get back with her because he's emotionally dependent on her and it's super unhealthy. Even after my mother essentially left him and started dating a 19 year old, which disgusted him, he still didn't give up on her...

This sounds like it'd be an easy decision then to cut ties, right? Sadly, no. The thing is, my dad wasn't always like this and he does genuinely care for his kids, kind of. Even though he's obsessed with my mother, when I lived with them he would try and protect me from the brunt of my mother's abuse (I was my mother's favored target) and stood up for me multiple times. He does try and reach out to reconnect, like inviting me to lunch or to the movies, and he'll take my youngest brother to the park when he comes over.

So on one hand I have an objectively deadbeat dad who enjoys pissing people off for fun, can't let go of his abusive wife, has lost custody of his kids for the second time, and just recently embarrassed me in front of my best friend two days ago because, again, he thinks it's funny to see me get angry. On the other, I have a father who did try his best to protect me from my abusive mother, does seem to be trying to reconnect in his own warped way, and when he's not obsessing over my mother is actually a pretty decent guy to spend time with. It makes me feel so conflicted and when I think about the possibility that I've really hurt his feelings when I get mad or rebuff him, I feel immensely guilty and want to cry. But I don't know what to do. Does anyone here have any advice on how to proceed?

TL;DR my estranged father has tried to reconnect with me, but he's honestly kind of an ass who can't get over his awful wife. On the other hand, he is my father and I feel indebted to him for protecting me from some of the abuse. Is this relationship worth repairing?

Submitted March 16, 2020 at 12:05AM

Content warning for abuse for any who feel like backing out, I guess.Hello everyone, sorry for the bad title and any awkward formatting; I'm posting this from mobile. This is a throwaway account because I don't want to risk the chance of my father or any of my relatives seeing this. This is kind of a really long story but I'll keep it as short as I'm able because honestly I just do not know where to go from here...So some background information: after a series of unfortunate events, myself and my three younger brothers no longer live with my biological parents. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive towards us for years due to some pretty serious drug problems and (deliberately) untreated mental illnesses including but not limited to bipolar, depression, PTSD, and schizophrenia. She was also abusive towards my father. Anyway, after we lost our home (long story) and were homeless for a few months, my parents dumped my siblings and I off at a family friend's house and after an incident where my mother assaulted me, my parents became estranged. My siblings and I have been living with the family friend and her husband for a year and a half now and they've essentially adopted my brothers and have helped me get on my feet and get the resources I need to be a successful adult. I love them as if they were my real parents. I have no desire to ever connect with my garbage mother, even though it hurts me to say that.But this isn't about my mother, unfortunately. The issue is my dad. I have a lot of mixed feelings towards him, because on one hand, he's kind of a jerk. He deliberately tries to antagonize me because he thinks it's funny to see me get angry, he hasn't really followed the case plan the court set out for him or helped the family friend and I with finances, and he's obsessed with my biological mother. He's been trying to get back with her because he's emotionally dependent on her and it's super unhealthy. Even after my mother essentially left him and started dating a 19 year old, which disgusted him, he still didn't give up on her...This sounds like it'd be an easy decision then to cut ties, right? Sadly, no. The thing is, my dad wasn't always like this and he does genuinely care for his kids, kind of. Even though he's obsessed with my mother, when I lived with them he would try and protect me from the brunt of my mother's abuse (I was my mother's favored target) and stood up for me multiple times. He does try and reach out to reconnect, like inviting me to lunch or to the movies, and he'll take my youngest brother to the park when he comes over.So on one hand I have an objectively deadbeat dad who enjoys pissing people off for fun, can't let go of his abusive wife, has lost custody of his kids for the second time, and just recently embarrassed me in front of my best friend two days ago because, again, he thinks it's funny to see me get angry. On the other, I have a father who did try his best to protect me from my abusive mother, does seem to be trying to reconnect in his own warped way, and when he's not obsessing over my mother is actually a pretty decent guy to spend time with. It makes me feel so conflicted and when I think about the possibility that I've really hurt his feelings when I get mad or rebuff him, I feel immensely guilty and want to cry. But I don't know what to do. Does anyone here have any advice on how to proceed?TL;DR my estranged father has tried to reconnect with me, but he's honestly kind of an ass who can't get over his awful wife. On the other hand, he is my father and I feel indebted to him for protecting me from some of the abuse. Is this relationship worth repairing?