Ex slept with someone else, now wants to get back together

TLDR; Ex GF slept with someone while we were on a break and lied about it when coming out. I found out by looking at her texts.

So we've been together for approximately 4 years. I'm 23 and she's 25. Before we got together she'd also been in a long-term relationship, so I was her 2nd sexual partner.

Around Christmas time this winter we started to experience some difficulties, which peaked in January. Unfortunately, but of us were going to different countries (Netherland and Germany) as exchange students for this semester in February, which means we didn't get the opportunity to fix things either - so we met, talked, and agreed that the best thing would be to break up for the time being, and take a look at our situation with fresh eyes when we got back to Norway in July.

We've had contact daily this whole time with FB messenger and calls. We've been friends for years before we got together, so it seemed logical to stay in touch. Her weeks in Netherland was pretty much filled with partying with the exchange program, some school and travelling. Mine was mostly working out, school work and staying in my room (since my college doesn't offer a program like hers).

Due to Covid-19 we decided to leave early, and for her to come to my place in Germany so that we could travel back home together. We had sex, and she said "our sex is good!" - "ours..?" I said, "have you slept with someone else in Netherland?". She was quick to say that it was meant as a general statement, and that she hadn't slept with someone. My ex before her cheated on me, so I guess I have developed a sixth sense for people close to me being intimate with someone else, so I said OK but I had a bad feeling.

Now, I know this is a mistake on my side, but when she fell asleep I went on her phone... I read some messages and quickly found out that she in fact had slept with someone else, ca. 10 days after we broke up (after 3-4 years together). A German guy, twice in a one-night stand. Once when they got home from the club in the shower, and once in the morning after. Afterwards they kept in touch for a while over Whatsapp, and had a flirtatious tone, suggesting to meet during the middle of the night but both parts always had an "excuse" not to. After a while the guy said he got a crush on his ex, so it would feel wrong. She sent a message to her friend talking about how hot he was etc.

After reading this, my pulse skyrocketed, and I layed awake for a while. She woke up and asked what was up, and I said I was feeling angsty for the whole situation (Covid etc., but it was only the messages), and told her to be completely honest with me and asked her again if she had slept with someone, she adamantly said "no." again.

The day after we went for a walk, silently, and eventually she came out with it. The only problem was that I knew the truth, and she kept on lying (She also told me she hooked up with another guy after that, but yeah) Lying about small shitty things like how many times they had sex, how it ended etc. I eventually dragged it all out of her, and she was semi-devastated for lying. She told me that she needed the experience, as she's always been in long-term relationships, and that the experience only drew her closer to the decision that she wanted to be with me.

However, my mind and emotions is playing pingpong atm. I told her that the sex part wasn't the worst, but that she kept on lying after coming out, and that it happened so fast after we broke up. I also feel shitty with my own body image, as the guy she slept with was leaner/more musculous than me. She technically didn't cheat, but we had agreed that we wanted to look at getting together in July.

She's been with me through rough situations, like my little brother dying and me getting diagnosed with depression (I broke up with her at that time for a month since I was unstable) and me and my dad breaking bonds - so is this my time to forgive and forget?

So, what do I do now? Do I leave her? Get back together in July? What would you feel, ask, say? We're currently quarantined together, and this situation is eating me up.

Submitted March 27, 2020 at 11:58PM

TLDR; Ex GF slept with someone while we were on a break and lied about it when coming out. I found out by looking at her texts.So we've been together for approximately 4 years. I'm 23 and she's 25. Before we got together she'd also been in a long-term relationship, so I was her 2nd sexual partner.Around Christmas time this winter we started to experience some difficulties, which peaked in January. Unfortunately, but of us were going to different countries (Netherland and Germany) as exchange students for this semester in February, which means we didn't get the opportunity to fix things either - so we met, talked, and agreed that the best thing would be to break up for the time being, and take a look at our situation with fresh eyes when we got back to Norway in July.We've had contact daily this whole time with FB messenger and calls. We've been friends for years before we got together, so it seemed logical to stay in touch. Her weeks in Netherland was pretty much filled with partying with the exchange program, some school and travelling. Mine was mostly working out, school work and staying in my room (since my college doesn't offer a program like hers).Due to Covid-19 we decided to leave early, and for her to come to my place in Germany so that we could travel back home together. We had sex, and she said "our sex is good!" - "ours..?" I said, "have you slept with someone else in Netherland?". She was quick to say that it was meant as a general statement, and that she hadn't slept with someone. My ex before her cheated on me, so I guess I have developed a sixth sense for people close to me being intimate with someone else, so I said OK but I had a bad feeling.Now, I know this is a mistake on my side, but when she fell asleep I went on her phone... I read some messages and quickly found out that she in fact had slept with someone else, ca. 10 days after we broke up (after 3-4 years together). A German guy, twice in a one-night stand. Once when they got home from the club in the shower, and once in the morning after. Afterwards they kept in touch for a while over Whatsapp, and had a flirtatious tone, suggesting to meet during the middle of the night but both parts always had an "excuse" not to. After a while the guy said he got a crush on his ex, so it would feel wrong. She sent a message to her friend talking about how hot he was etc.After reading this, my pulse skyrocketed, and I layed awake for a while. She woke up and asked what was up, and I said I was feeling angsty for the whole situation (Covid etc., but it was only the messages), and told her to be completely honest with me and asked her again if she had slept with someone, she adamantly said "no." again.The day after we went for a walk, silently, and eventually she came out with it. The only problem was that I knew the truth, and she kept on lying (She also told me she hooked up with another guy after that, but yeah) Lying about small shitty things like how many times they had sex, how it ended etc. I eventually dragged it all out of her, and she was semi-devastated for lying. She told me that she needed the experience, as she's always been in long-term relationships, and that the experience only drew her closer to the decision that she wanted to be with me.However, my mind and emotions is playing pingpong atm. I told her that the sex part wasn't the worst, but that she kept on lying after coming out, and that it happened so fast after we broke up. I also feel shitty with my own body image, as the guy she slept with was leaner/more musculous than me. She technically didn't cheat, but we had agreed that we wanted to look at getting together in July.She's been with me through rough situations, like my little brother dying and me getting diagnosed with depression (I broke up with her at that time for a month since I was unstable) and me and my dad breaking bonds - so is this my time to forgive and forget?So, what do I do now? Do I leave her? Get back together in July? What would you feel, ask, say? We're currently quarantined together, and this situation is eating me up.