Confused/advice

Last year I met this guy and we hit it off great. We had fun, for the first few months. We started to grow a little closer and spoke about how we felt. But randomly the messages pretty much stopped, he would agree to plans and say he’d let me know and then I wouldn’t hear from him. Yet he was posting photos of other girls and I would see him out with other girls. A few times I saw him out at night we were both with groups of friends and he would come over and try and kiss me etc/want me to go home with him. I explained I felt upset that he was trying to be all over me now but hasn’t tried to see me in about a month. He said he was sorry, work had been busy and he would text me to organise something. Never did. So I stopped messaging and we just stopped talking. I was really upset because I really liked the guy and it felt like it was going to be different.

But looking back now, I hardly know him really and our dates were never legit (we only went out drinking and then to his place, or had dinner and movies at his place). Which is fine sometimes, but anytime I tried to invite him to the beach/dinner etc and would bail.

Fast forward a couple of months of NC and I was silly and went back. We ran into each other at a bar and I went home with him. It was fun and I loved being able to hang with him, which made me upset the next day. He said he missed me and was sorry, he messed up and he was going to make it up to me. He dropped me home and I told him I wanted him to organise a date so we could sit down and catch up. He joked and said it was up to me but I told him I want to see him again but I felt like it was him who should be initiating. I didn’t hear from him.

So silly me, messaged him and said that I felt like we should talk but if he didn’t have anything to say then all good. He replied instantly and said he was out of town for work for the week and that’s it. I waited until the end of the week and still nothing (I do know there’s not a lot of phone service where he goes) but I just felt so terrible all week, anxious and sad and angry. It got too much and I just wanted to stop waiting and worrying about how he felt. So I sent a short message just saying it was really nice to see him and I’d missed him but I feel like it’s best if we just leave it there. He got defensive saying he was just about to message me but if that’s what I want then don’t worry about it. That made me upset and question more (did I jump the gun, should I have waited a couple more hours/ am I asking too much?)

I tried to have a conversation with him about how I felt, that I was upset when he disappeared last time and I still had feelings for him but I didn’t want to go back to what it was like before and I was confused and wanted to know how he felt. He read it and didn’t reply, ended up seeing me out the same night and tried to kiss me again. I left upset.

He messaged me a few weeks ago saying that he was sorry he didn’t reply but he didn’t know what to say. I replied and he didn’t again, that was last time we spoke. He confronted one of my friends out a couple of weekends ago asking if I was around and I just feel weird all of a sudden.

I still really miss him and I still want to text him. I guess I just want some advice/people in a similar sitch? I feel awful about the whole thing, did I do enough? Should I try and talk to him? if he wanted to text me would he, or have i scared him off doing that? (I deleted him off social media because it was just too much looking at his stuff, was making me upset and miss him more) I feel like deep down I know the answer, I met him short of a year ago and it’s still confusing and unclear. But it keeps bugging me and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Submitted March 28, 2020 at 12:00AM

Last year I met this guy and we hit it off great. We had fun, for the first few months. We started to grow a little closer and spoke about how we felt. But randomly the messages pretty much stopped, he would agree to plans and say he’d let me know and then I wouldn’t hear from him. Yet he was posting photos of other girls and I would see him out with other girls. A few times I saw him out at night we were both with groups of friends and he would come over and try and kiss me etc/want me to go home with him. I explained I felt upset that he was trying to be all over me now but hasn’t tried to see me in about a month. He said he was sorry, work had been busy and he would text me to organise something. Never did. So I stopped messaging and we just stopped talking. I was really upset because I really liked the guy and it felt like it was going to be different.But looking back now, I hardly know him really and our dates were never legit (we only went out drinking and then to his place, or had dinner and movies at his place). Which is fine sometimes, but anytime I tried to invite him to the beach/dinner etc and would bail.Fast forward a couple of months of NC and I was silly and went back. We ran into each other at a bar and I went home with him. It was fun and I loved being able to hang with him, which made me upset the next day. He said he missed me and was sorry, he messed up and he was going to make it up to me. He dropped me home and I told him I wanted him to organise a date so we could sit down and catch up. He joked and said it was up to me but I told him I want to see him again but I felt like it was him who should be initiating. I didn’t hear from him.So silly me, messaged him and said that I felt like we should talk but if he didn’t have anything to say then all good. He replied instantly and said he was out of town for work for the week and that’s it. I waited until the end of the week and still nothing (I do know there’s not a lot of phone service where he goes) but I just felt so terrible all week, anxious and sad and angry. It got too much and I just wanted to stop waiting and worrying about how he felt. So I sent a short message just saying it was really nice to see him and I’d missed him but I feel like it’s best if we just leave it there. He got defensive saying he was just about to message me but if that’s what I want then don’t worry about it. That made me upset and question more (did I jump the gun, should I have waited a couple more hours/ am I asking too much?)I tried to have a conversation with him about how I felt, that I was upset when he disappeared last time and I still had feelings for him but I didn’t want to go back to what it was like before and I was confused and wanted to know how he felt. He read it and didn’t reply, ended up seeing me out the same night and tried to kiss me again. I left upset.He messaged me a few weeks ago saying that he was sorry he didn’t reply but he didn’t know what to say. I replied and he didn’t again, that was last time we spoke. He confronted one of my friends out a couple of weekends ago asking if I was around and I just feel weird all of a sudden.I still really miss him and I still want to text him. I guess I just want some advice/people in a similar sitch? I feel awful about the whole thing, did I do enough? Should I try and talk to him? if he wanted to text me would he, or have i scared him off doing that? (I deleted him off social media because it was just too much looking at his stuff, was making me upset and miss him more) I feel like deep down I know the answer, I met him short of a year ago and it’s still confusing and unclear. But it keeps bugging me and I’m not sure what to do about it.