I (29F) doubting if I am really compatible with (24M)

I absolutely love this sub and the advice on here so I thought I would post here. So I have been seeing someone for about 9 months now. We started as casual as I really didn’t expect it to be serious and wasn’t sure if I wanted something serious myself. We quickly began to spend 4 days together a week and becoming really close. 6 months later, he broke up with me when I was under a lot of stress because of a big career change I am still dealing with and I was kinda pushing him away as I didn’t feel adequate support from him although I straight up told him I wanted his support as my boyfriend one week before the break up. He contacted me two weeks later really regretful saying he wanted to give it another go and be supportive. I was really reluctant as I felt it would be hard to trust him but he assured me he would show me he really cares and that he is committed and that the trust would build up. Okay cool.

Now : It’s been 2 months since we’ve been back together and he’s been indeed really committed to show me he cares. I am overall really happy with the relationship. However sometimes he does things that really bother me or hut me out of negligence but we talk about it and he is usually really understanding and he doesn’t do the same things again. We have a really good connection and good communication but parts of me are starting to feel anxious and scared to get hurt again as I am doubting our long term compatibility and I can see I am falling hard for him (although I am probably already in love as we spent so much time together in the next 9 months and text multiple time a day)

My doubts and fears are :

• desire to have kids. Hes been pretty vocal about how he wants to have kids someday while I have been pretty clear I dont want them. I said I would maybe considering adopting but thats a big maybe and tbh I think I would just be happy never having children. I am 29 and I would definitely not seeing myself having kids in the next 10 years.
• the fact that he broke up with me when I was in a vulnerable state makes me anxious about going through bad times even though hes been really committed in showing me he wants to be there for me
• his behavior in his last relationship. He cheated on his ex when things were going bad between them and they were getting space from each other for only a week. He then admitted it to her gf (when she asked) and they got back together but it didn’t work. He went back to casually seeing the girl he cheated with and was seeing her the week before he and I hooked up (she was leaving overseas afterwards) He told me he learned and would never cheat again and could never do it to me as I ”respect”him.
• Hes been black out drunk a few times to the point where he ended up sleepwalking and doing embarrassing things he had no idea about the next day. I told him that it was a deal breaker for me as I dont drink that much and hes been really careful with it when I am with him now and hasn’t done it again which I really appreciate.
• he is very extraverted and social while I am in the middle leaning more towards introverted. He has a lot of friends and pretty much always hangout with someone whenever he isn’t working while I enjoy spending time alone or with him and I dont need or want to see friends all the time. Hes the type of person that want everyone to love him and he does nice gesture for everyone all the time which is nice but I am not sure I can relate to that and I dont want to feel like I am preventing him from being his real self and ending up resenting him
• hes also friend with a lot if women (some that he previously had sex with) and it seems like he acts like their personal psychologist and they also ask him random favor and help. He seems to just really enjoy connecting with many people and while I thought I was okay with it first I am thinking maybe its starting to bother me especially because of him not remembering when he drinks too much. I just hate feeling like that and I wonder if I am just being insecure when I never really been like that in previous relationship. I think I am pretty chill and have no problems with other sex relationships as long as I feel respected and that some boundaries are present.

- our age gap. I know its not a big one and it didn’t bother me at first as we re both in the same life stage but I am scared as I am getting older my dating pool will shrink so that I should be careful and make sure theres some long term compatibility in my relationship while hes got a lot of time to try things out with me.

Hes been really caring and willing to work on things (which he did eg for the drinking) and showing me he really wants to be in a loving long term relationship with me. He is really easy to talk to and considerate of my feelings and I am really happy with him however I am getting those anxious feelings quite a lot recently and it’s difficult to manage especially on top of the big career change I am going through. I would appreciate some advice and different perspective on our situation.

TLDR : Boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me when I was in a vulnerable difficult state. We ve been back together for 2 months its going well but I am scared of getting hurt again and questioning our long term compatibility.

Submitted February 17, 2020 at 10:46PM

I absolutely love this sub and the advice on here so I thought I would post here. So I have been seeing someone for about 9 months now. We started as casual as I really didn’t expect it to be serious and wasn’t sure if I wanted something serious myself. We quickly began to spend 4 days together a week and becoming really close. 6 months later, he broke up with me when I was under a lot of stress because of a big career change I am still dealing with and I was kinda pushing him away as I didn’t feel adequate support from him although I straight up told him I wanted his support as my boyfriend one week before the break up. He contacted me two weeks later really regretful saying he wanted to give it another go and be supportive. I was really reluctant as I felt it would be hard to trust him but he assured me he would show me he really cares and that he is committed and that the trust would build up. Okay cool.Now : It’s been 2 months since we’ve been back together and he’s been indeed really committed to show me he cares. I am overall really happy with the relationship. However sometimes he does things that really bother me or hut me out of negligence but we talk about it and he is usually really understanding and he doesn’t do the same things again. We have a really good connection and good communication but parts of me are starting to feel anxious and scared to get hurt again as I am doubting our long term compatibility and I can see I am falling hard for him (although I am probably already in love as we spent so much time together in the next 9 months and text multiple time a day)My doubts and fears are :desire to have kids. Hes been pretty vocal about how he wants to have kids someday while I have been pretty clear I dont want them. I said I would maybe considering adopting but thats a big maybe and tbh I think I would just be happy never having children. I am 29 and I would definitely not seeing myself having kids in the next 10 years.the fact that he broke up with me when I was in a vulnerable state makes me anxious about going through bad times even though hes been really committed in showing me he wants to be there for mehis behavior in his last relationship. He cheated on his ex when things were going bad between them and they were getting space from each other for only a week. He then admitted it to her gf (when she asked) and they got back together but it didn’t work. He went back to casually seeing the girl he cheated with and was seeing her the week before he and I hooked up (she was leaving overseas afterwards) He told me he learned and would never cheat again and could never do it to me as I ”respect”him.Hes been black out drunk a few times to the point where he ended up sleepwalking and doing embarrassing things he had no idea about the next day. I told him that it was a deal breaker for me as I dont drink that much and hes been really careful with it when I am with him now and hasn’t done it again which I really appreciate.he is very extraverted and social while I am in the middle leaning more towards introverted. He has a lot of friends and pretty much always hangout with someone whenever he isn’t working while I enjoy spending time alone or with him and I dont need or want to see friends all the time. Hes the type of person that want everyone to love him and he does nice gesture for everyone all the time which is nice but I am not sure I can relate to that and I dont want to feel like I am preventing him from being his real self and ending up resenting himhes also friend with a lot if women (some that he previously had sex with) and it seems like he acts like their personal psychologist and they also ask him random favor and help. He seems to just really enjoy connecting with many people and while I thought I was okay with it first I am thinking maybe its starting to bother me especially because of him not remembering when he drinks too much. I just hate feeling like that and I wonder if I am just being insecure when I never really been like that in previous relationship. I think I am pretty chill and have no problems with other sex relationships as long as I feel respected and that some boundaries are present.- our age gap. I know its not a big one and it didn’t bother me at first as we re both in the same life stage but I am scared as I am getting older my dating pool will shrink so that I should be careful and make sure theres some long term compatibility in my relationship while hes got a lot of time to try things out with me.Hes been really caring and willing to work on things (which he did eg for the drinking) and showing me he really wants to be in a loving long term relationship with me. He is really easy to talk to and considerate of my feelings and I am really happy with him however I am getting those anxious feelings quite a lot recently and it’s difficult to manage especially on top of the big career change I am going through. I would appreciate some advice and different perspective on our situation.TLDR : Boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me when I was in a vulnerable difficult state. We ve been back together for 2 months its going well but I am scared of getting hurt again and questioning our long term compatibility.