Me and my wife are polar opposites wrt sex and I've completely lost interest

I'm 30 and my wife is 32. We've been married 5 years. She was my first and as far as I know, I was hers. So to put things in perspective, we didn't have much prior experience.

I've always known I'm a high libido person and would mention it whenever we talked sex while dating. She'd joke about it in a sexy/positive manner (?)

Right after marriage things started going down hill. Initially it was maybe twice a week. Then once.

By the third year it was down once or twice a month.

Now in our fifth year, it is maybe twice a month if it happens.

I've had multiple conversations, multiple discussions that we should work on this. Later, things would be better for a week and then go back to the same situation.

In the last 4-5 months, I've just been feeling down in the pits. She's never really been the one to initiate ever. There's zero effort from and it is as vanilla as it happens. She refuses when i offer to go down on her. In five years, she's done the opposite twice and the lack of enthusiasm of any sort just put me off the idea and ive never asked for a BJ since. When we do have sex, 9/10 times she has an orgasm. Just trying to say that i do my best to ensure she's satisfied.

I get a lot of female attention despite being just above average I guess physically? And it is making me feel really bad about all the opportunities I might've missed out on. No, I'm not going to cheat and open relationships aren't for me because i get too attached.

It's making me feel old and 30 really isn't. I no longer have any sexual feelings for my wife because her answer is always that you should adapt. I've always been appreciative of her physically (in this context) and have tried things like ordering her sexy lingerie. I just can't think of anything else to do at this point. It's come to a point where i have zero physical attraction towards her and i just can't get myself to give her fake compliments.

There is zero effort, zero initiation from her. All she wants to do every day is order in food and watch Netflix!? Maybe I'm wrong here, but shouldn't a middle ground be the right approach here?

Apologies for grammatical errors. English isn't my first language. And I suppose, i just needed to vent somewhere. I don't really know what support im going to get here. I've already spoken to her multiple times to no avail.

Obvious throwaway account. I apologise if I'm coming across as passive agressive in my tone, there's nobody else I can discuss this with and I'm just really depressed by my situation. I've never been rude or demanding in my talks with her though. Have just expressed my desire FOR HER.

Submitted January 10, 2020 at 12:02AM

I'm 30 and my wife is 32. We've been married 5 years. She was my first and as far as I know, I was hers. So to put things in perspective, we didn't have much prior experience.I've always known I'm a high libido person and would mention it whenever we talked sex while dating. She'd joke about it in a sexy/positive manner (?)Right after marriage things started going down hill. Initially it was maybe twice a week. Then once.By the third year it was down once or twice a month.Now in our fifth year, it is maybe twice a month if it happens.I've had multiple conversations, multiple discussions that we should work on this. Later, things would be better for a week and then go back to the same situation.In the last 4-5 months, I've just been feeling down in the pits. She's never really been the one to initiate ever. There's zero effort from and it is as vanilla as it happens. She refuses when i offer to go down on her. In five years, she's done the opposite twice and the lack of enthusiasm of any sort just put me off the idea and ive never asked for a BJ since. When we do have sex, 9/10 times she has an orgasm. Just trying to say that i do my best to ensure she's satisfied.I get a lot of female attention despite being just above average I guess physically? And it is making me feel really bad about all the opportunities I might've missed out on. No, I'm not going to cheat and open relationships aren't for me because i get too attached.It's making me feel old and 30 really isn't. I no longer have any sexual feelings for my wife because her answer is always that you should adapt. I've always been appreciative of her physically (in this context) and have tried things like ordering her sexy lingerie. I just can't think of anything else to do at this point. It's come to a point where i have zero physical attraction towards her and i just can't get myself to give her fake compliments.There is zero effort, zero initiation from her. All she wants to do every day is order in food and watch Netflix!? Maybe I'm wrong here, but shouldn't a middle ground be the right approach here?Apologies for grammatical errors. English isn't my first language. And I suppose, i just needed to vent somewhere. I don't really know what support im going to get here. I've already spoken to her multiple times to no avail.Obvious throwaway account. I apologise if I'm coming across as passive agressive in my tone, there's nobody else I can discuss this with and I'm just really depressed by my situation. I've never been rude or demanding in my talks with her though. Have just expressed my desire FOR HER.