Lost my virginity to a masseuse at a massage parlour. Feeling quite guilty and ashamed of myself.

I am a 25 year old Canadian male. I lost my virginity to a masseuse. Up until then, I had been a virgin, never been intimate in any way whatsoever with a female, and had never known what sex felt like. I wanted so badly to know what it was like. I had only been masturbating to porn almost every day up until that point. Started masturbating maybe when I was 16 or 17.

After debating the idea for 5 months and trying to avoid massage parlour/escort websites and averting my thoughts about them whenever they occurred, I succumbed to my long-fought battle :"(, finally gathered up the courage to go, and lost my virginity to a masseuse last sunday. I went back on monday and had sex again with another masseuse. In both sessions, both blowjob and sex were done with a condom.

I feel so ashamed and guilty to have done what I have done. I have no-one to reach out to in regards to this :( I cannot focus on anything else because that thought keeps recurring and haunting me. I almost cried many times ever since and have lost my appetite for food. I feel like i shouldn't have done it. Yet, I was fighting very strong urges. They felt like a mountain over me that was crippling me and that I had no where to go :( I can say that I did my best to suppress my urges. I even went as far as not to go outside as much as I could given the abundance of massage parlours in my city. And everytime I went outside, I would hope to God I would never run into one. I hope I can ward any such urges off if they recur soon now that at least I know what sex feels like.

I lost all respect I had for myself :(



Submitted January 24, 2020 at 12:18AM

I am a 25 year old Canadian male. I lost my virginity to a masseuse. Up until then, I had been a virgin, never been intimate in any way whatsoever with a female, and had never known what sex felt like. I wanted so badly to know what it was like. I had only been masturbating to porn almost every day up until that point. Started masturbating maybe when I was 16 or 17.After debating the idea for 5 months and trying to avoid massage parlour/escort websites and averting my thoughts about them whenever they occurred, I succumbed to my long-fought battle :"(, finally gathered up the courage to go, and lost my virginity to a masseuse last sunday. I went back on monday and had sex again with another masseuse. In both sessions, both blowjob and sex were done with a condom.I feel so ashamed and guilty to have done what I have done. I have no-one to reach out to in regards to this :( I cannot focus on anything else because that thought keeps recurring and haunting me. I almost cried many times ever since and have lost my appetite for food. I feel like i shouldn't have done it. Yet, I was fighting very strong urges. They felt like a mountain over me that was crippling me and that I had no where to go :( I can say that I did my best to suppress my urges. I even went as far as not to go outside as much as I could given the abundance of massage parlours in my city. And everytime I went outside, I would hope to God I would never run into one. I hope I can ward any such urges off if they recur soon now that at least I know what sex feels like.I lost all respect I had for myself :(
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