Accidentally found out my wife watches lesbian porn occasionally, and she lies to me about when I've asked her before. Is there any way to bring this up in a positive way and get her to open up to me?

So yesterday, I'm helping one of our children do something on my wife's computer, and as I'm typing out the URL, one of the suggestions underneath is for a porn site. I get my child's show going on the TV, and I'm curious about the porn site so I go and pull up her history. I just type a couple key words and it looks like she's maybe gone there 4-5 times in the last 6 months, and it's all pretty standard lesbian porn. And she had just watched some while she was taking a nap. I have no issues with that, as I watch porn once or twice a week and tell my wife about it and she has no issues with it.

The weird part that I'm trying to figure out is that a month or two ago we were talking about porn, and she told that she hasn't watched porn in years. She said she just wasn't really interested in it and that thinking about me was more effective. I've brought up watching porn together multiple times to her but she never wanted to try it. So I'm a little confused about that. 

Also, earlier this week we were watching some television show with a very passionate sex scene in it that got her very riled up. We start having sex, I'm able to finish but she isn't. She's on meds and gets anxious a lot which impacts her ability to cum. She's probably able to cum about 75% of the time. After I have about 2 minutes to recover, I'm ready to go some more and she says that it's not happening for her but I'm welcome to have another go if I want to. I ask her if she wants me to rewind the show to that scene that got her all riled up and watch that while we're hooking up but she's says nah. I then ask her if there's maybe some porn we could put on and watch together that she might enjoy but she says no.

So she was taking a nap, and when she woke up I went in and talked to her. She said that she missed me and wished I could've taken a nap with her. I asked her kind of naughtily if she needed me now. She tells me that she already came, so I ask her what she was thinking about. She tells me that she was thinking about me and some passionate session of ours that she really enjoyed. I didn't say anything to her about the porn.

So I'm feeling a little bit hurt by this and not really sure how to go about this or if I should just completely drop it and forgot about it.

Her watching it maybe once a month is certainly not impacting our sex life. Her ideal frequency of sex would be about once a week and I'm more every other day. And I'm fine taking care of myself when she's not into it. 

I also don't think she's secretly a lesbian or going to leave me for a woman. I've had plenty of girlfriends that enjoyed watching lesbian porn and know that's quite normal. It's interesting though, that in some female on female love scenes we've watched on tv she asks me if I like watching them. I tell her I think they're very hot and ask her if those scenes make her hot and she very plainly says nope.

I will say that she was pretty inexperienced sexually when we got together, and our sex life has been pretty vanilla. She also really dislikes me going down on her, even though I'm very skilled there and have told her it's one of my favorite things in the world. I almost beg her to let me go down on her sometimes and I think she's really grossed out by it or ashamed somehow? Occasionally though something will flick her porn star switch on (99% of the time it's alcohol) and she's suddenly into anal, throat fucking, and some sex in public/risky places.

Anyone know what's going on here? Is she afraid to tell me because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings?

Is she too embarrassed to tell me, even though I'm super open and have told her all kinds of embarrassing sexual things?

 Is she actually interested in females even though on the occasional talk we've had about maybe playing with one she has given me some very hard no? 

Is there some trauma from before she met me like her abusive, cheating, and secretly gay boyfriend, or her religious upbringing that she should maybe talk to a therapist or sex therapist about? 

Should I just let it go and accept that maybe that's just a part of her that she doesn't want to share with me as much as I would like her to?

Thanks for all the advice. You guys are great!

Submitted January 23, 2020 at 11:41PM

So yesterday, I'm helping one of our children do something on my wife's computer, and as I'm typing out the URL, one of the suggestions underneath is for a porn site. I get my child's show going on the TV, and I'm curious about the porn site so I go and pull up her history. I just type a couple key words and it looks like she's maybe gone there 4-5 times in the last 6 months, and it's all pretty standard lesbian porn. And she had just watched some while she was taking a nap. I have no issues with that, as I watch porn once or twice a week and tell my wife about it and she has no issues with it.The weird part that I'm trying to figure out is that a month or two ago we were talking about porn, and she told that she hasn't watched porn in years. She said she just wasn't really interested in it and that thinking about me was more effective. I've brought up watching porn together multiple times to her but she never wanted to try it. So I'm a little confused about that. Also, earlier this week we were watching some television show with a very passionate sex scene in it that got her very riled up. We start having sex, I'm able to finish but she isn't. She's on meds and gets anxious a lot which impacts her ability to cum. She's probably able to cum about 75% of the time. After I have about 2 minutes to recover, I'm ready to go some more and she says that it's not happening for her but I'm welcome to have another go if I want to. I ask her if she wants me to rewind the show to that scene that got her all riled up and watch that while we're hooking up but she's says nah. I then ask her if there's maybe some porn we could put on and watch together that she might enjoy but she says no.So she was taking a nap, and when she woke up I went in and talked to her. She said that she missed me and wished I could've taken a nap with her. I asked her kind of naughtily if she needed me now. She tells me that she already came, so I ask her what she was thinking about. She tells me that she was thinking about me and some passionate session of ours that she really enjoyed. I didn't say anything to her about the porn.So I'm feeling a little bit hurt by this and not really sure how to go about this or if I should just completely drop it and forgot about it.Her watching it maybe once a month is certainly not impacting our sex life. Her ideal frequency of sex would be about once a week and I'm more every other day. And I'm fine taking care of myself when she's not into it. I also don't think she's secretly a lesbian or going to leave me for a woman. I've had plenty of girlfriends that enjoyed watching lesbian porn and know that's quite normal. It's interesting though, that in some female on female love scenes we've watched on tv she asks me if I like watching them. I tell her I think they're very hot and ask her if those scenes make her hot and she very plainly says nope.I will say that she was pretty inexperienced sexually when we got together, and our sex life has been pretty vanilla. She also really dislikes me going down on her, even though I'm very skilled there and have told her it's one of my favorite things in the world. I almost beg her to let me go down on her sometimes and I think she's really grossed out by it or ashamed somehow? Occasionally though something will flick her porn star switch on (99% of the time it's alcohol) and she's suddenly into anal, throat fucking, and some sex in public/risky places.Anyone know what's going on here? Is she afraid to tell me because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings?Is she too embarrassed to tell me, even though I'm super open and have told her all kinds of embarrassing sexual things? Is she actually interested in females even though on the occasional talk we've had about maybe playing with one she has given me some very hard no? Is there some trauma from before she met me like her abusive, cheating, and secretly gay boyfriend, or her religious upbringing that she should maybe talk to a therapist or sex therapist about? Should I just let it go and accept that maybe that's just a part of her that she doesn't want to share with me as much as I would like her to?Thanks for all the advice. You guys are great!