My year in dating: age 30 (the bits I forgot to mention 1/3)

I wrote a post a couple of months ago detailing the shitshow I ran trying to date between my 29th and 30th birthdays. I was thinking solely in terms of situations where I'd set out to date someone, and therefore missed out three things which would fall under the category of "love life". The first of which would be:

Wasn't a date #1: GM, 26th February

Last night I met the man I've been dreaming of for 6 months. Before I met him, having flown 2500 miles to another continent to meet him, he text me was I interested in a threesome. What I said was "it's not a no, but it's not a yes right now either." What I should have said was "I flew all this way because I'm in love with you. But clearly I got this wrong."

Now, the day after I arrived as good as unannounced, he's gone travelling with a "friend" around the country, to a mountain range in the north, and I wasn't invited. I'm wondering around his city, as I'll be doing for the rest of the week with no clue if I'll see him again. He was everything I expected and more. But he has other things to do right now.

I got up and went to a tour office and booked a couple of tours. I wandered around some of the religious sites in the city, sat at the top of a hill for an hour, and then carried on walking until I found myself sat on a bench. A particularly handsome man walked up in front of me.

"Is it weird if I sit here?" He asked, to which I replied "no, no, of course, sit down" and then a couple of seconds later, "wait, was that English?" It turns out yes it was English, and not too much later he tells me he's going to get a coffee. I tell him that sounds nice, to which he says "young lady, that was an invitation." We get up and he threads my arm through his. We walk across the city, and he's a little offended when I ask him if he spends much of his time picking up tourists. In fact, he resents the term "picking up tourists".

He asks me why I'm here, and I swear I see the guy I came here to meet in a little yellow bus drive past us at speed, but it could have been anyone. I tell him I'm here to meet a friend. He asks me does this friend like me, and I tell him I don't know. He says he wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes.

We go for a coffee and for a good 15 minutes I'm asking him questions to try and ascertain how regular his cocaine habit is. I've never met anyone so confident in my life. He's not sniffing every now and then and my probing questions aren't being met with resistance, but they're not leading where I was expecting either, so I drop it. I get to know him a little better. He's an international lawyer. He has a little boy. He loves his city, he's proud of it. He's taken me to a particularly beautiful spot for a coffee.

He asks me where we're going next. I tell him that I actually would prefer to be alone, so I'm going to head back to my apartment. I ask him for his phone number, because my bizarre-o brain is currently trying to work out whether he'd be interested in a threesome with the guy I came here to meet. Balance of threesomes. He wants 2 girls, I want 2 guys. Let me see if I can make this happen. I get his phone number and he offers me a lift back to my apartment.

This is where I should have said "no, thank you." And the rest of this story is how I learned that lesson. I said sure, thanks, because that's the kind of thing I'd do for someone else. He drove me back to my apartment, and spent a solid 4 minutes trying to parallel park his car. I said thank you for the lift, and he got out of his car, pulled a bottle of wine from his trunk and handed it to me. He asked if he could use the bathroom in my apartment, and I told him "in, and then out."

Well, we got into my apartment and he took off his shoes and plugged in his mobile phone charger.

At this point I'm unsure what to do with myself so I go and sit on the balcony. When I finally see him again he has a glass of wine for me, and a soft drink for himself. He hands me the wine and sits himself on the balcony. During the course of the next 20 minutes or so, he tells me how lucky I am to be drinking good wine, with beautiful views of the city, and the best looking guy in the country. He makes a toast to my parents for me being the person I am.

He asks me more than once whether he's being respectful, and I tell him yes. He's being respectful. At some point he tells me "music!" and goes to find his phone, on charge in my apartment, and he puts on Careless Whisper. He calls to me to dance, and puts his arms around me and starts to slow dance.

Now-- for me, this is all particularly crazy. Around 8 years ago I travelled a much shorter distance to see an 'old flame', the old flame. I got myself a hotel, and we met, we spent a few hours together, it ended awfully, and the next night I text him that I was sitting on a bench and I'd be there for a short while. That he should come meet me. At one point a guy stopped me to ask where a hostel was, and I told him I had no idea, but I googled it for him and he went on his way. An hour or so later that guy came back. The hostel was shut. I told him I had half a hotel room he could borrow, and asked him if he was a serial killer. He told me no.

He and I went for a drink in a bar, and then went back to my hotel room. We got in bed, he tried to do reiki on me, I could do nothing but giggle and then we both went to sleep. In the morning we woke up, went out for breakfast, and then he asked me to run away with him to America. I laughed and I told him I thought he should probably do that alone. I took his email address, and I did actually hear from him once, but that was that.

The reason I'd been in that hotel, that I'd been in that city, at that time, was this guy that I'd been in love with for years but hadn't been able to spend time with because of distance. And that I'm not very good with distance. And now here I am, on another continent, because I fell stupidly in love with someone I'd never physically met, I'd come out to meet him and found myself alone, again, and here was this guy that had found me on a bench. Again.

"They say to study history or find yourself repeating it."

So now, I'm slow dancing with this guy, who's been nothing but polite but undoubtedly hadn't respected what I'd asked of him; which was to leave me alone. To come into my apartment but then leave after he'd used the bathroom.

The slow dance to Careless Whisper led to us getting in bed. I certainly let the moment carry me away.

When he got out of my bed to go and use the bathroom I stayed where I was. I didn't really know what to do with myself, if I'm honest. There's no way in hell that this guy could understand or appreciate everything that I've just written here. I've known him for less than 3 hours. I wouldn't even bother trying to tell him.

But when he got out of the bathroom he asked me who had been here last night. I was a little startled, for several reasons, because yes, someone had been here last night, but how on Earth did he know that? Because he knew it. He wasn't asking if, he was asking who. I just looked at him.

And then the speech began.

This wasn't just normal for him. This doesn't happen to him all of the time, this was special. He will be the best friend that I'll ever have. If he was a writer he'd write a book and call it "It's Nobody's Fault". One day we'll look back on this and laugh. This speech went on for a good 10 minutes. He was stood at the end of my bed, just... Talking.

I don't know what kind of law he practiced but his oratory work was powerful. Half way through his impassioned plea I found myself kneeling on my bed, facing him, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying, but I was. He told me not to bother getting up, but it just made me focus harder.

He collected up his things and told me not to be a stranger, but that while ever this other guy was in my life, we shouldn't touch each other.

And then he left.

And I wondered for a good half an hour what in that name of the Heavens had just happened. And then like the world's smartest person, that night, I decided to tell this story to the guy I flew out to see.

I wonder why things with us haven't gone so well since. Could be a myriad of reasons. Doubt this helped.

This guy text me twice after this. But I didn't reply.

TL;DR: 2019 has been crazy. I just like to write, and I figured maybe some of you guys would enjoy reading this as a few people enjoyed my last post. I'm okay with everything that happened and understand it in ways other than the way it's written. And trust me, I won't be inviting any other strange men into my private accommodation any time in the near future.

Submitted December 21, 2019 at 12:34AM

I wrote a post a couple of months ago detailing the shitshow I ran trying to date between my 29th and 30th birthdays. I was thinking solely in terms of situations where I'd set out to date someone, and therefore missed out three things which would fall under the category of "love life". The first of which would be:Wasn't a date #1: GM, 26th FebruaryLast night I met the man I've been dreaming of for 6 months. Before I met him, having flown 2500 miles to another continent to meet him, he text me was I interested in a threesome. What I said was "it's not a no, but it's not a yes right now either." What I should have said was "I flew all this way because I'm in love with you. But clearly I got this wrong."Now, the day after I arrived as good as unannounced, he's gone travelling with a "friend" around the country, to a mountain range in the north, and I wasn't invited. I'm wondering around his city, as I'll be doing for the rest of the week with no clue if I'll see him again. He was everything I expected and more. But he has other things to do right now.I got up and went to a tour office and booked a couple of tours. I wandered around some of the religious sites in the city, sat at the top of a hill for an hour, and then carried on walking until I found myself sat on a bench. A particularly handsome man walked up in front of me."Is it weird if I sit here?" He asked, to which I replied "no, no, of course, sit down" and then a couple of seconds later, "wait, was that English?" It turns out yes it was English, and not too much later he tells me he's going to get a coffee. I tell him that sounds nice, to which he says "young lady, that was an invitation." We get up and he threads my arm through his. We walk across the city, and he's a little offended when I ask him if he spends much of his time picking up tourists. In fact, he resents the term "picking up tourists".He asks me why I'm here, and I swear I see the guy I came here to meet in a little yellow bus drive past us at speed, but it could have been anyone. I tell him I'm here to meet a friend. He asks me does this friend like me, and I tell him I don't know. He says he wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes.We go for a coffee and for a good 15 minutes I'm asking him questions to try and ascertain how regular his cocaine habit is. I've never met anyone so confident in my life. He's not sniffing every now and then and my probing questions aren't being met with resistance, but they're not leading where I was expecting either, so I drop it. I get to know him a little better. He's an international lawyer. He has a little boy. He loves his city, he's proud of it. He's taken me to a particularly beautiful spot for a coffee.He asks me where we're going next. I tell him that I actually would prefer to be alone, so I'm going to head back to my apartment. I ask him for his phone number, because my bizarre-o brain is currently trying to work out whether he'd be interested in a threesome with the guy I came here to meet. Balance of threesomes. He wants 2 girls, I want 2 guys. Let me see if I can make this happen. I get his phone number and he offers me a lift back to my apartment.This is where I should have said "no, thank you." And the rest of this story is how I learned that lesson. I said sure, thanks, because that's the kind of thing I'd do for someone else. He drove me back to my apartment, and spent a solid 4 minutes trying to parallel park his car. I said thank you for the lift, and he got out of his car, pulled a bottle of wine from his trunk and handed it to me. He asked if he could use the bathroom in my apartment, and I told him "in, and then out."Well, we got into my apartment and he took off his shoes and plugged in his mobile phone charger.At this point I'm unsure what to do with myself so I go and sit on the balcony. When I finally see him again he has a glass of wine for me, and a soft drink for himself. He hands me the wine and sits himself on the balcony. During the course of the next 20 minutes or so, he tells me how lucky I am to be drinking good wine, with beautiful views of the city, and the best looking guy in the country. He makes a toast to my parents for me being the person I am.He asks me more than once whether he's being respectful, and I tell him yes. He's being respectful. At some point he tells me "music!" and goes to find his phone, on charge in my apartment, and he puts on Careless Whisper. He calls to me to dance, and puts his arms around me and starts to slow dance.Now-- for me, this is all particularly crazy. Around 8 years ago I travelled a much shorter distance to see an 'old flame', the old flame. I got myself a hotel, and we met, we spent a few hours together, it ended awfully, and the next night I text him that I was sitting on a bench and I'd be there for a short while. That he should come meet me. At one point a guy stopped me to ask where a hostel was, and I told him I had no idea, but I googled it for him and he went on his way. An hour or so later that guy came back. The hostel was shut. I told him I had half a hotel room he could borrow, and asked him if he was a serial killer. He told me no.He and I went for a drink in a bar, and then went back to my hotel room. We got in bed, he tried to do reiki on me, I could do nothing but giggle and then we both went to sleep. In the morning we woke up, went out for breakfast, and then he asked me to run away with him to America. I laughed and I told him I thought he should probably do that alone. I took his email address, and I did actually hear from him once, but that was that.The reason I'd been in that hotel, that I'd been in that city, at that time, was this guy that I'd been in love with for years but hadn't been able to spend time with because of distance. And that I'm not very good with distance. And now here I am, on another continent, because I fell stupidly in love with someone I'd never physically met, I'd come out to meet him and found myself alone, again, and here was this guy that had found me on a bench. Again."They say to study history or find yourself repeating it."So now, I'm slow dancing with this guy, who's been nothing but polite but undoubtedly hadn't respected what I'd asked of him; which was to leave me alone. To come into my apartment but then leave after he'd used the bathroom.The slow dance to Careless Whisper led to us getting in bed. I certainly let the moment carry me away.When he got out of my bed to go and use the bathroom I stayed where I was. I didn't really know what to do with myself, if I'm honest. There's no way in hell that this guy could understand or appreciate everything that I've just written here. I've known him for less than 3 hours. I wouldn't even bother trying to tell him.But when he got out of the bathroom he asked me who had been here last night. I was a little startled, for several reasons, because yes, someone had been here last night, but how on Earth did he know that? Because he knew it. He wasn't asking if, he was asking who. I just looked at him.And then the speech began.This wasn't just normal for him. This doesn't happen to him all of the time, this was special. He will be the best friend that I'll ever have. If he was a writer he'd write a book and call it "It's Nobody's Fault". One day we'll look back on this and laugh. This speech went on for a good 10 minutes. He was stood at the end of my bed, just... Talking.I don't know what kind of law he practiced but his oratory work was powerful. Half way through his impassioned plea I found myself kneeling on my bed, facing him, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn't know why I was crying, but I was. He told me not to bother getting up, but it just made me focus harder.He collected up his things and told me not to be a stranger, but that while ever this other guy was in my life, we shouldn't touch each other.And then he left.And I wondered for a good half an hour what in that name of the Heavens had just happened. And then like the world's smartest person, that night, I decided to tell this story to the guy I flew out to see.I wonder why things with us haven't gone so well since. Could be a myriad of reasons. Doubt this helped.This guy text me twice after this. But I didn't reply.TL;DR: 2019 has been crazy. I just like to write, and I figured maybe some of you guys would enjoy reading this as a few people enjoyed my last post. I'm okay with everything that happened and understand it in ways other than the way it's written. And trust me, I won't be inviting any other strange men into my private accommodation any time in the near future.