So used to being alone that I can't imagine not to anymore, despite wanting nothing more.

I'm 30 male and have been alone all my life. Never been anywhere near a woman. No first kiss, holding hands etc.

I don't know what it feels like to have someone care you exist, or wanting to spend time with you or thinking you're valuable or special in any way.

I have realized that at this point I'm so used to this feeling of being alone and lonely that I can't even imagine being with someone anymore.

I've wanted to be with someone all my life. And I still do. I want nothing more than that. But I can't possibly imagine having someone in my home, I've literally never had a single person at my home. I can't imagine what it's like to share a bed, to wake up in the morning and there's another person, to come home and there's another person, to make plans together, to get touched by another living thing, etc.

Life for me just means being alone. I see people here going from one relationship to the next. It's completely normal for them. I can't fathom that.

And I want it so much. But I just can't imagine my life that way anymore. Like, I go on tinder (I don't get any likes or anything, I just use it to day dream I suppose) and I wonder how life must be for all these girls, and I can't even imagine it. A life of feeling loved, wanted and valued.

It just feels so weird. Wanting nothing more than that but at the same time it being so alien to you that you can't even see yourself like that anymore.

Not sure why I'm saying this now, it's just something I realized and I had to get it off my chest. I feel so disappointed from life.

TLDR: completely alone all my life, want nothing more than being with a girl, can't imagine it anymore.



Submitted October 11, 2019 at 11:50PM

I'm 30 male and have been alone all my life. Never been anywhere near a woman. No first kiss, holding hands etc.I don't know what it feels like to have someone care you exist, or wanting to spend time with you or thinking you're valuable or special in any way.I have realized that at this point I'm so used to this feeling of being alone and lonely that I can't even imagine being with someone anymore.I've wanted to be with someone all my life. And I still do. I want nothing more than that. But I can't possibly imagine having someone in my home, I've literally never had a single person at my home. I can't imagine what it's like to share a bed, to wake up in the morning and there's another person, to come home and there's another person, to make plans together, to get touched by another living thing, etc.Life for me just means being alone. I see people here going from one relationship to the next. It's completely normal for them. I can't fathom that.And I want it so much. But I just can't imagine my life that way anymore. Like, I go on tinder (I don't get any likes or anything, I just use it to day dream I suppose) and I wonder how life must be for all these girls, and I can't even imagine it. A life of feeling loved, wanted and valued.It just feels so weird. Wanting nothing more than that but at the same time it being so alien to you that you can't even see yourself like that anymore.Not sure why I'm saying this now, it's just something I realized and I had to get it off my chest. I feel so disappointed from life.TLDR: completely alone all my life, want nothing more than being with a girl, can't imagine it anymore.
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