I (26M) used to weigh 225 pounds and have dropped down to 145; I'm afraid that my past weight is affecting my mental health & self-confidence & is my greatest obstacle

To paint the picture, I was always a chubby kid, but I weighed the most when I was a freshman in college. It got to the point where I realized that I needed to make some changes or else they may cause some health problems. So as a sophomore in the fall, I decided to get in shape and started walking everyday and cut out soda completely. I fell in love with running and how great it made me feel about myself. By the next summer, I dropped about 45 pounds. Since then, I have continued running when I am able to & I continue to eat/drink healthy.

I now weigh 145 pounds and have kept it off pretty well over the years. However, I still have a chubby stomach and view myself as being fat still. Everyone that knew me as a child does not recognize me anymore. People that I went to graduate school with cannot believe how much I weighed in the past and were shocked when I showed them pictures of myself from years ago. I would go out with friends to bars and clubs and try to meet a girl. I have talked to many different girls that I have gone to school with over the years and many of them have dropped hints that they have liked me (i.e. more than a friend), but I was so oblivious that I could never pick up on them.

Fast forward to now, and I have a doctorate and work as a healthcare professional. I make a very nice salary but I have so much debt from 8 years of school (that's another mess in itself). I pretty much work now as much as a I can to get my loans paid off and I go running on my days off, and that's about it. I've tried all the dating apps out there several different times over the past 2 years and have had only a handful of matches (and they did not lead to anything whatsoever). The only date I've ever been on in my life happened about 6 months ago when I finally worked up the courage to ask a girl out (much younger than me and rightfully waaaaay out of my league). She told me on the date that she wasn't ready for commitment and that I was someone who deserved someone who is ready for a real relationship (even though I've never been in one). Many of my friends have tried helping me find someone, but it has never worked out in my favor.

As for my appearance now, I'm 5'9", about a 6.5 out of 10 (I rate myself), and have been told by family and friends that I should have no problem at all finding someone attractive. Another problem is that I live in a dead-end town that has no future. Many of the girls around here (on the dating apps at least) are single mothers, high school dropouts, and many people that I've seen out and about look completely different from what their pictures show. Some people say that I am too picky. I am not so sure about that.

What I'm trying to get at here is that I feel that my past self is hindering my current self and that I still see myself as being heavy. I've been taking an antidepressant for almost a year now and it has definitely helped me deal with some issues that I have had going on. I am now afraid of being lonely the rest of my life. Everyone assures me that I'll find someone special, but I have my doubts.

Basically I would just appreciate some input on what I can to do improve my mental health when it comes to relationships and how I can view myself as a healthy individual. (Also, I am not putting down heavy-set individuals with my post. I understand and realize how difficult it is to get into the "losing weight" mindset and how much of a struggle it is).

TLDR: Used to be heavier, still see myself as being heavy - this has prevented me mentally from getting into a relationship because I view myself as being heavy, unhealthy, and somewhat ugly (when in reality, I am none of those things).

Submitted October 11, 2019 at 11:48PM

To paint the picture, I was always a chubby kid, but I weighed the most when I was a freshman in college. It got to the point where I realized that I needed to make some changes or else they may cause some health problems. So as a sophomore in the fall, I decided to get in shape and started walking everyday and cut out soda completely. I fell in love with running and how great it made me feel about myself. By the next summer, I dropped about 45 pounds. Since then, I have continued running when I am able to & I continue to eat/drink healthy.I now weigh 145 pounds and have kept it off pretty well over the years. However, I still have a chubby stomach and view myself as being fat still. Everyone that knew me as a child does not recognize me anymore. People that I went to graduate school with cannot believe how much I weighed in the past and were shocked when I showed them pictures of myself from years ago. I would go out with friends to bars and clubs and try to meet a girl. I have talked to many different girls that I have gone to school with over the years and many of them have dropped hints that they have liked me (i.e. more than a friend), but I was so oblivious that I could never pick up on them.Fast forward to now, and I have a doctorate and work as a healthcare professional. I make a very nice salary but I have so much debt from 8 years of school (that's another mess in itself). I pretty much work now as much as a I can to get my loans paid off and I go running on my days off, and that's about it. I've tried all the dating apps out there several different times over the past 2 years and have had only a handful of matches (and they did not lead to anything whatsoever). The only date I've ever been on in my life happened about 6 months ago when I finally worked up the courage to ask a girl out (much younger than me and rightfully waaaaay out of my league). She told me on the date that she wasn't ready for commitment and that I was someone who deserved someone who is ready for a real relationship (even though I've never been in one). Many of my friends have tried helping me find someone, but it has never worked out in my favor.As for my appearance now, I'm 5'9", about a 6.5 out of 10 (I rate myself), and have been told by family and friends that I should have no problem at all finding someone attractive. Another problem is that I live in a dead-end town that has no future. Many of the girls around here (on the dating apps at least) are single mothers, high school dropouts, and many people that I've seen out and about look completely different from what their pictures show. Some people say that I am too picky. I am not so sure about that.What I'm trying to get at here is that I feel that my past self is hindering my current self and that I still see myself as being heavy. I've been taking an antidepressant for almost a year now and it has definitely helped me deal with some issues that I have had going on. I am now afraid of being lonely the rest of my life. Everyone assures me that I'll find someone special, but I have my doubts.Basically I would just appreciate some input on what I can to do improve my mental health when it comes to relationships and how I can view myself as a healthy individual. (Also, I am not putting down heavy-set individuals with my post. I understand and realize how difficult it is to get into the "losing weight" mindset and how much of a struggle it is).TLDR: Used to be heavier, still see myself as being heavy - this has prevented me mentally from getting into a relationship because I view myself as being heavy, unhealthy, and somewhat ugly (when in reality, I am none of those things).