Desperate for guidance! Please help!

I am bringing this to Reddit because I am absolutely desperate for guidance and I don’t want to annoy my only friend! So about two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 11 years. We started dating when I was 16 and I’ll be 28 this month. He was my first boyfriend and we have two children together.

Like always, it started out great but then a few months in the cheating started. I, being so blinded by love and not being experienced with relationships, believed his terrible excuses.

I hate to be long winded so to TRY to wrap it up:

•He cheated too many times to count. About 85% of the relationship. I was beyond hurt but was in love with the vision of what “we could be” if he’d just change...someday

•During my senior year he got a felony charge so he’s been in and out of work. Mostly out!

•When I was in college he had his first child with the girl he had always cheated on me with (I found out by her not him). Dealt with her threatening/stalking me all throughout the relationship (even keyed my car) although I haven’t responded to her in 7 years.

• I was always the only breadwinner. Paid for dates, all that Jazz.

•He drove my car alllll the time, leaving me stranded at home with the kids. Even felt entitled to it. I’d put the gas in only for there to be none left for me. Picked up late from work (sometimes over an hour). Almost lost my job a few times because he would come home in the mornings extremely late!

•When preggo with second child I found out I contracted HSV2 and had had it for quite some time. He’s asymptomatic (lucky him) and of course I was distraught since I have only had sex with him but my stupidity for not protecting myself! My fault.

•He’s always in and out! He will leave for days, sometimes over a week, at a time with no contact and thought it was okay. I’d get worried and stalk his FB page. Once we went all the way to Cali and didn’t say a word!

I feel so ridiculous typing this out and didn’t know how bad these 11 years were until now. I’ve always helped him out financially, did his resume and applications, cared for him, bailed him out (literally and figuratively), pushed him to do and want better but for years I’ve been resentful and I finally got fed up! He came home after a week of no contact (because he got mad after an argument and left) and asked where my keys were because he had “to go do something.” I said no so he walked out claiming he wasn’t going to argue with me. Well, I told him he might as well take his things too so he packed them in trash bags.

I’ve never felt so free and alive! For 11 years I had absolutely NO IDEA how to leave if that even makes sense. I even Googled how to break up with someone because I had no clue how. I’m so so grateful I am good financially on my own as I feel supporting my household has really prepped me for this new chapter and God was just waiting for me to get a clue.

I thank God for that opportunity to free myself...but I’m not all the way free.

The dilemma: He thought I was just going through one of my typical blow ups so he didn’t take his things and he took the key to my apt! They’re in trash bags clogging up my closet space! I knew he wouldn’t take me seriously since I never left but now that he sees I’m serious he’s gone from the typical angry, saying hurtful things to blowing up my phone! I don’t feel comfortable knowing he has my keys since he says he “has nowhere to put his clothes.” He can walk in whenever and my anxiety is killing me! I keep telling him I’m not coming back but he continues to call me. I’ve started ignoring his calls and “I’m going to change” texts. I could never go back now that I am at peace and know my worth. EVER!

How do I get him to stop begging me to “come home?” I can’t do the typical block and throw his stuff out because we have two kids. He is good at reverse psychology please help I’m desperate for guidance!! I can no longer sleep at night knowing he can unlock my door and use the excuse that he’s coming to get more of his clothes to just beg some more. He hasn’t but you never know.

TL;DR left my sorry ex now he won’t leave me alone and I’m miserable because I hate confrontation.

Submitted October 11, 2019 at 11:51PM

I am bringing this to Reddit because I am absolutely desperate for guidance and I don’t want to annoy my only friend! So about two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 11 years. We started dating when I was 16 and I’ll be 28 this month. He was my first boyfriend and we have two children together.Like always, it started out great but then a few months in the cheating started. I, being so blinded by love and not being experienced with relationships, believed his terrible excuses.I hate to be long winded so to TRY to wrap it up:•He cheated too many times to count. About 85% of the relationship. I was beyond hurt but was in love with the vision of what “we could be” if he’d just change...someday•During my senior year he got a felony charge so he’s been in and out of work. Mostly out!•When I was in college he had his first child with the girl he had always cheated on me with (I found out by her not him). Dealt with her threatening/stalking me all throughout the relationship (even keyed my car) although I haven’t responded to her in 7 years.• I was always the only breadwinner. Paid for dates, all that Jazz.•He drove my car alllll the time, leaving me stranded at home with the kids. Even felt entitled to it. I’d put the gas in only for there to be none left for me. Picked up late from work (sometimes over an hour). Almost lost my job a few times because he would come home in the mornings extremely late!•When preggo with second child I found out I contracted HSV2 and had had it for quite some time. He’s asymptomatic (lucky him) and of course I was distraught since I have only had sex with him but my stupidity for not protecting myself! My fault.•He’s always in and out! He will leave for days, sometimes over a week, at a time with no contact and thought it was okay. I’d get worried and stalk his FB page. Once we went all the way to Cali and didn’t say a word!I feel so ridiculous typing this out and didn’t know how bad these 11 years were until now. I’ve always helped him out financially, did his resume and applications, cared for him, bailed him out (literally and figuratively), pushed him to do and want better but for years I’ve been resentful and I finally got fed up! He came home after a week of no contact (because he got mad after an argument and left) and asked where my keys were because he had “to go do something.” I said no so he walked out claiming he wasn’t going to argue with me. Well, I told him he might as well take his things too so he packed them in trash bags.I’ve never felt so free and alive! For 11 years I had absolutely NO IDEA how to leave if that even makes sense. I even Googled how to break up with someone because I had no clue how. I’m so so grateful I am good financially on my own as I feel supporting my household has really prepped me for this new chapter and God was just waiting for me to get a clue.I thank God for that opportunity to free myself...but I’m not all the way free.The dilemma: He thought I was just going through one of my typical blow ups so he didn’t take his things and he took the key to my apt! They’re in trash bags clogging up my closet space! I knew he wouldn’t take me seriously since I never left but now that he sees I’m serious he’s gone from the typical angry, saying hurtful things to blowing up my phone! I don’t feel comfortable knowing he has my keys since he says he “has nowhere to put his clothes.” He can walk in whenever and my anxiety is killing me! I keep telling him I’m not coming back but he continues to call me. I’ve started ignoring his calls and “I’m going to change” texts. I could never go back now that I am at peace and know my worth. EVER!How do I get him to stop begging me to “come home?” I can’t do the typical block and throw his stuff out because we have two kids. He is good at reverse psychology please help I’m desperate for guidance!! I can no longer sleep at night knowing he can unlock my door and use the excuse that he’s coming to get more of his clothes to just beg some more. He hasn’t but you never know.TL;DR left my sorry ex now he won’t leave me alone and I’m miserable because I hate confrontation.