My (23F) BF’s (39M) parents (70’s M/F) frequently show up to his home unannounced

My boyfriend and I moved in together and became serious fairly quickly in our relationship. We have been together 8 months. I moved into his house, which I thought was temporary, about two months ago. Since then we have talked about making it permanent, as he wants a family sooner rather than later because his parents are getting older and he wants them to have quality time with their grandchildren. BF has never been married, doesn’t have kids and didn’t move out of his parents house (other than going away for college) until he was 32. Due to this I think his parents often are overbearing and think he can’t take care of himself. 3-4 times a week they are calling him asking him if he’s eaten and if they need to bring something over. It will take 5-6 “No”s from him for them to finally concede.

However, about 2-3 times a week they will just show up unannounced to his house and let themselves in (they have a key). Once we were both naked in bed and his dad walked in. Another time, right after I first moved in, his mother showed up and got pissed that all my stuff was there in HIS house and started questioning him about it. He lied to her (because he can’t handle confrontation) and they finally talked to him again after a week of no contact. Anyways, this week BF is on a work trip and I’m staying here alone. I’ve just been staying hidden in the bedroom in case they decide to waltz in. I don’t even feel comfortable making food in the kitchen or watching TV because I’m afraid I’ll have an awkward encounter with them. I still don’t think he has ever admitted to them that I live with him.

I know it’s his house and he should be able to allow whoever he wants to have access to it, but I throw him some money for utilities and groceries (I work full time but still make probably half of what he does) and he basically begged me to stay here instead of getting my own apartment after my last lease ended. So am I not entitled to reasonable privacy? At least a warning of when someone might come over? To be clear, BF doesn’t like that they do this either but apparently it’s been a big argument whenever he’s brought it up. Then when they argue he feels guilty because they are getting older and not in great health and he is an only child. I empathize with him in that regard but I feel like a 39 year old man who owns a home shouldn’t have to lie to his parents about living with his girlfriend. Am I being self-centered? Does BF need to be more assertive?

tl;dr: My boyfriend’s parents come into his house unannounced and treat him like a child.

Submitted September 16, 2019 at 11:14PM

My boyfriend and I moved in together and became serious fairly quickly in our relationship. We have been together 8 months. I moved into his house, which I thought was temporary, about two months ago. Since then we have talked about making it permanent, as he wants a family sooner rather than later because his parents are getting older and he wants them to have quality time with their grandchildren. BF has never been married, doesn’t have kids and didn’t move out of his parents house (other than going away for college) until he was 32. Due to this I think his parents often are overbearing and think he can’t take care of himself. 3-4 times a week they are calling him asking him if he’s eaten and if they need to bring something over. It will take 5-6 “No”s from him for them to finally concede.However, about 2-3 times a week they will just show up unannounced to his house and let themselves in (they have a key). Once we were both naked in bed and his dad walked in. Another time, right after I first moved in, his mother showed up and got pissed that all my stuff was there in HIS house and started questioning him about it. He lied to her (because he can’t handle confrontation) and they finally talked to him again after a week of no contact. Anyways, this week BF is on a work trip and I’m staying here alone. I’ve just been staying hidden in the bedroom in case they decide to waltz in. I don’t even feel comfortable making food in the kitchen or watching TV because I’m afraid I’ll have an awkward encounter with them. I still don’t think he has ever admitted to them that I live with him.I know it’s his house and he should be able to allow whoever he wants to have access to it, but I throw him some money for utilities and groceries (I work full time but still make probably half of what he does) and he basically begged me to stay here instead of getting my own apartment after my last lease ended. So am I not entitled to reasonable privacy? At least a warning of when someone might come over? To be clear, BF doesn’t like that they do this either but apparently it’s been a big argument whenever he’s brought it up. Then when they argue he feels guilty because they are getting older and not in great health and he is an only child. I empathize with him in that regard but I feel like a 39 year old man who owns a home shouldn’t have to lie to his parents about living with his girlfriend. Am I being self-centered? Does BF need to be more assertive?tl;dr: My boyfriend’s parents come into his house unannounced and treat him like a child.