How am I [19M] supposed to fix things with my best friend [19F]

This is a pretty dull friendship issue, no juicy drama. I’m going to try to be vague, but my best friend and I had a fight the last time we caught up (about two weeks ago). Basically, I felt as though she was being pretty rude every time I said something - as in, I’d make a comment, she’d snap and kind of go on about why I’m wrong. And it’s not like I’m bringing up anything controversial, it was in response to pretty mundane things like “is there a shopping centre near where you live?” (she recently moved to a smaller city).

So after every conversation/statement going exactly like that, I told her I didn’t want to continue and wanted to just go home. She got a little upset and made us sit down and talk it out. Which didn’t work, because it didn’t feel like she was understanding anything I was trying to say, and she seemed really focused on how she was right or she misunderstood rather than the fact that she was just being overall rude (like, I was just asking an innocent question. You didn’t need to raise your voice and act like I’m a city idiot and list off every shopping centre in a 5km radius - for that example). So I told her that it’s fine, it was probably just today that she was being rude and not to worry because I won’t hold it against her (something she was worried about).

She started to get super annoyed, said some stuff about how she came all the way out here (I offered to go to her area, she said she had errands to do here), that I guilted her into coming even though she was tired (I didn’t, I actually had to skip something else to catch up and I offered alternative times/days but she refused) etc. Us catching up was pretty important to me (both of us really) for very personal reasons that she knows - so to act like she’s doing me a goddamn favour and that I’m such a burden was extremely insulting. Then she started crying and left.

A few days after I sent her a message if she was okay, she said yes but hasn’t talked to me/replied since. I’ve got a massive interview tomorrow, and she’s not said anything (which sounds petty, but she’s my best friend...). I’m annoyed because of her behaviour, and also concerned I’m going to lose her as a friend. But I don’t want to reach out because I feel like the only way to resolve this is to take on all the guilt (she said that I was probably misunderstanding her because I’m too overemotional, but that’s not the case because I always look at my interactions with others objectively) and say sorry. I’m working on boundaries and not doing so much to please people, so that wouldn’t be right - but overall it feels like she’s one of the people who isn’t happy that I’m changing to have boundaries. Idk, I want to be friends and talk all the time again, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that in a healthy way, or why she was even being so rude to me in the first place

TLDR; My best friend won’t talk to me after she was rude and insulting the last time we caught up, how do I fix this in a healthy way?

Submitted September 17, 2019 at 12:08AM

This is a pretty dull friendship issue, no juicy drama. I’m going to try to be vague, but my best friend and I had a fight the last time we caught up (about two weeks ago). Basically, I felt as though she was being pretty rude every time I said something - as in, I’d make a comment, she’d snap and kind of go on about why I’m wrong. And it’s not like I’m bringing up anything controversial, it was in response to pretty mundane things like “is there a shopping centre near where you live?” (she recently moved to a smaller city).So after every conversation/statement going exactly like that, I told her I didn’t want to continue and wanted to just go home. She got a little upset and made us sit down and talk it out. Which didn’t work, because it didn’t feel like she was understanding anything I was trying to say, and she seemed really focused on how she was right or she misunderstood rather than the fact that she was just being overall rude (like, I was just asking an innocent question. You didn’t need to raise your voice and act like I’m a city idiot and list off every shopping centre in a 5km radius - for that example). So I told her that it’s fine, it was probably just today that she was being rude and not to worry because I won’t hold it against her (something she was worried about).She started to get super annoyed, said some stuff about how she came all the way out here (I offered to go to her area, she said she had errands to do here), that I guilted her into coming even though she was tired (I didn’t, I actually had to skip something else to catch up and I offered alternative times/days but she refused) etc. Us catching up was pretty important to me (both of us really) for very personal reasons that she knows - so to act like she’s doing me a goddamn favour and that I’m such a burden was extremely insulting. Then she started crying and left.A few days after I sent her a message if she was okay, she said yes but hasn’t talked to me/replied since. I’ve got a massive interview tomorrow, and she’s not said anything (which sounds petty, but she’s my best friend...). I’m annoyed because of her behaviour, and also concerned I’m going to lose her as a friend. But I don’t want to reach out because I feel like the only way to resolve this is to take on all the guilt (she said that I was probably misunderstanding her because I’m too overemotional, but that’s not the case because I always look at my interactions with others objectively) and say sorry. I’m working on boundaries and not doing so much to please people, so that wouldn’t be right - but overall it feels like she’s one of the people who isn’t happy that I’m changing to have boundaries. Idk, I want to be friends and talk all the time again, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that in a healthy way, or why she was even being so rude to me in the first placeTLDR; My best friend won’t talk to me after she was rude and insulting the last time we caught up, how do I fix this in a healthy way?