My (22F) strict family ruins my life and i don't know what to do

Basically my issue is my family and their strict rules/education i have to deal with. Im not allowed to do much and it affects me because they don't seem to let me grow and become an adult.

Im 22 now and i still can't go out...ever, except when i go to school but my time is counted (they make sure to get my schedule every year). Im also sent to the grossery shop pretty often but here again cannot take long. Staying at home alone for too long (few hours) is not possible either, they're probably scared i'd go out or something. I can't have money at all so when im back from the grossery shop i gotta give them the rest of money plus the receipts which is so embarrassing. I'm not allowed to work as well. I have a bank account but i've never had access to it simply because im not allowed to. I've actually never even seen my credit card.

They're very close minded to the point where im not allowed to have friends. They say your only friends are your family. The issue is that the education i grew up with never allowed us to be close whether with my mom or my siblings. There are so many taboo subjects that create a lot of barriers and distance between us so nobody is close to anybody in this family but we all try to fake a pseudo closeness which is awkward. My siblings agree with this education because they're all older than me (so most of them live by themselves). Im the younest and the "troublemaker" in the family. I broke the rules several times when i was younger compared to them (since they always agreed with this education) so the rules got worse throughout the years for me.

They're strict also because with them, there is no much time for entertainment. The only acceptable entertainment must have a "beneficial" aspect such as listening to english music to learn english (french is my mother language). But listening to any other language music is pretty forbidden which is so odd...Same thing about phones. Its a distraction so i still can't have a phone. (Im 22...) I have a laptop but they check what im doing in it sometimes, behind my back. Actually my whole bedroom is checked whenever im away. They never do it in front of me because they would look very petty.

My mom and i's relationship is bad. She is very superstitious in a kind of an unhealthy way. She believes in stuff like the evil eye. And in the past she would go to each of us privately and tell us to be careful of each other because of jealousy reasons etc. She doesn't do that is a mean way, she truely thinks she's doing good but this ruined our siblingships because we're all kind of suspicious of each other now. She does it a bit less these last couple years. Now its jealousy toward her. She sometimes calls me the cursed child just because i announced her a bad news lol. My relationship with her got so bad that we barely talk now because she frustates me with her attitude, mindset, personnality, education, the life she makes me live... So im always cold toward her, toward everyone but mainly her. She feels the tension between us but never talks about it. Instead, she starts taking revenge by hiding stuff like the tooth paste, the shampoo, the food lol im so embarrassed just talking about it.

My relationship with my familly is terrible to say the least. They're aware their methods are not the best for my personal development. They care more about the family's reputation so they pretty much put me in a cage so i'll for sure won't do the honor of the family wrong. They raised me to always depend on them and basicaly be irresponsable. For example, im still not allowed to take an appointment to the doctor or register to college by myself because these things are "for adults"...But im 22! wym its for adults? ugh.

Im forced to depend on them so i always have to ask them to do things for me (things i can do myself) which is annoying because they do it in a "botched" way because they're all busy doing their own things. That makes me feel like im a burden. They seem annoyed to treat me like a kid but still do it as if they're forced to treat me this way because im "not trust worthy" since i broke their trust before. Everything is wrong with the life they're forcing me to live. My mental health is disastrous. I have severe social anxiety, self-esteem issues, depression..I've lost interest in everything. This situation suffocates me. i wish i could leave but im scared, im too scared of everything, them included, i don't wanna drop out of school either, i have nowhere to go so im stuck living this nightmare. Sometimes i tell myself im just being dramatic because they're not bad people either. Are my feelings valids? I've always lived this way, its hard to be objective so i really need more of a realistic point of view from you. Also should i wait until i finish my studies to leave? or should i leave now? which gonna be hard because i have no clue where to go right now. You may suggest to talk to them. I tried but my opinion doesn't matter because they think they know better than me. So it always leads to a confrontation because they always think im planning to do something bad whenever i ask them to trust me more, or give me more freedom. Therefore they become more strict so i stopped asking them anything. They're really close minded, they don't believe in mental health issues. They think they're just excuses so talking to them about this would make the situation worse. How can i get out of this situation ? any advice would be appreciated.

TL;DR: My strict family suffocates me and i don't know how can i get away from the life they force me to live.

Submitted September 15, 2019 at 11:44PM

Basically my issue is my family and their strict rules/education i have to deal with. Im not allowed to do much and it affects me because they don't seem to let me grow and become an adult.Im 22 now and i still can't go out...ever, except when i go to school but my time is counted (they make sure to get my schedule every year). Im also sent to the grossery shop pretty often but here again cannot take long. Staying at home alone for too long (few hours) is not possible either, they're probably scared i'd go out or something. I can't have money at all so when im back from the grossery shop i gotta give them the rest of money plus the receipts which is so embarrassing. I'm not allowed to work as well. I have a bank account but i've never had access to it simply because im not allowed to. I've actually never even seen my credit card.They're very close minded to the point where im not allowed to have friends. They say your only friends are your family. The issue is that the education i grew up with never allowed us to be close whether with my mom or my siblings. There are so many taboo subjects that create a lot of barriers and distance between us so nobody is close to anybody in this family but we all try to fake a pseudo closeness which is awkward. My siblings agree with this education because they're all older than me (so most of them live by themselves). Im the younest and the "troublemaker" in the family. I broke the rules several times when i was younger compared to them (since they always agreed with this education) so the rules got worse throughout the years for me.They're strict also because with them, there is no much time for entertainment. The only acceptable entertainment must have a "beneficial" aspect such as listening to english music to learn english (french is my mother language). But listening to any other language music is pretty forbidden which is so odd...Same thing about phones. Its a distraction so i still can't have a phone. (Im 22...) I have a laptop but they check what im doing in it sometimes, behind my back. Actually my whole bedroom is checked whenever im away. They never do it in front of me because they would look very petty.My mom and i's relationship is bad. She is very superstitious in a kind of an unhealthy way. She believes in stuff like the evil eye. And in the past she would go to each of us privately and tell us to be careful of each other because of jealousy reasons etc. She doesn't do that is a mean way, she truely thinks she's doing good but this ruined our siblingships because we're all kind of suspicious of each other now. She does it a bit less these last couple years. Now its jealousy toward her. She sometimes calls me the cursed child just because i announced her a bad news lol. My relationship with her got so bad that we barely talk now because she frustates me with her attitude, mindset, personnality, education, the life she makes me live... So im always cold toward her, toward everyone but mainly her. She feels the tension between us but never talks about it. Instead, she starts taking revenge by hiding stuff like the tooth paste, the shampoo, the food lol im so embarrassed just talking about it.My relationship with my familly is terrible to say the least. They're aware their methods are not the best for my personal development. They care more about the family's reputation so they pretty much put me in a cage so i'll for sure won't do the honor of the family wrong. They raised me to always depend on them and basicaly be irresponsable. For example, im still not allowed to take an appointment to the doctor or register to college by myself because these things are "for adults"...But im 22! wym its for adults? ugh.Im forced to depend on them so i always have to ask them to do things for me (things i can do myself) which is annoying because they do it in a "botched" way because they're all busy doing their own things. That makes me feel like im a burden. They seem annoyed to treat me like a kid but still do it as if they're forced to treat me this way because im "not trust worthy" since i broke their trust before. Everything is wrong with the life they're forcing me to live. My mental health is disastrous. I have severe social anxiety, self-esteem issues, depression..I've lost interest in everything. This situation suffocates me. i wish i could leave but im scared, im too scared of everything, them included, i don't wanna drop out of school either, i have nowhere to go so im stuck living this nightmare. Sometimes i tell myself im just being dramatic because they're not bad people either. Are my feelings valids? I've always lived this way, its hard to be objective so i really need more of a realistic point of view from you. Also should i wait until i finish my studies to leave? or should i leave now? which gonna be hard because i have no clue where to go right now. You may suggest to talk to them. I tried but my opinion doesn't matter because they think they know better than me. So it always leads to a confrontation because they always think im planning to do something bad whenever i ask them to trust me more, or give me more freedom. Therefore they become more strict so i stopped asking them anything. They're really close minded, they don't believe in mental health issues. They think they're just excuses so talking to them about this would make the situation worse. How can i get out of this situation ? any advice would be appreciated.TL;DR: My strict family suffocates me and i don't know how can i get away from the life they force me to live.