I’m falling in love with an emotionally unavailable guy

The title says it. I’m falling for a guy who is emotionally unavailable for a relationship. We’ve been “dating” for nearly 4 months now. We’re not exclusive and we’ve had the talk about it not turning into anything serious right now and that he isn’t ready for a relationship, that he was emotionally unavailable and I said it was ok because I wasn’t wanting anything serious but now I’m catching some pretty real feelings for him. I don’t know what to do. He acts all relationshipy in when we are together (which is basically every night) and he says he loves spending time with me. We act like a couple without being a couple.

But last night after I saw something that upset me, I let my feelings spill a bit. I’ve been trying SO hard not let that happen. While he was letting me read something on his phone, a tinder notification popped up. I pretended I didn’t see it and I slid it up on the screen to dismiss it. I returned his phone to him and tried to fight back the tears because seeing that message made me sad. He immediately noticed something was wrong and I tried to push it off and say I didn’t want to talk about it but it came out anyway. I said that I really liked him and that it seemed like he didn’t feel the same way. He said it wasn’t true, that if he didn’t like me then why would I stay over 6 of 7 days of the week? Which I guess is true. He said he turns down hanging out with his friends so he can spend time with me. Then he asked if while I was reading, if it was a dating app notification that came up and I said yes. He said “we talked about this... you know I’m not ready for anything serious right now..” i told him yes I know, which is why I didn’t want to talk about it because I already knew where we stood. I knew he was probably talking to other women because we never made things exclusive and we agreed to not label what we were. But that didn’t mean seeing the messages didn’t hurt a little bit. I emphasized that this wasn’t me trying to make him feel bad or guilty or pressure him in anyway because I really wasn’t. I asked if this could please not effect anything with us because I do love spending time with him and hanging out, he said of course. Then we went on with our night.

I am falling hard for this guy. So hard that I’m trying to make myself be ok with the fact that he is talking to other women. I’m very unsure what to do. Do I walk away? Do I stay? If I stay will he ever be in a place to be with me? What if once’s he ready he choses someone else?

TLDR; I’m falling in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable and I don’t know what to do about it.

Submitted September 17, 2019 at 11:58PM

The title says it. I’m falling for a guy who is emotionally unavailable for a relationship. We’ve been “dating” for nearly 4 months now. We’re not exclusive and we’ve had the talk about it not turning into anything serious right now and that he isn’t ready for a relationship, that he was emotionally unavailable and I said it was ok because I wasn’t wanting anything serious but now I’m catching some pretty real feelings for him. I don’t know what to do. He acts all relationshipy in when we are together (which is basically every night) and he says he loves spending time with me. We act like a couple without being a couple.But last night after I saw something that upset me, I let my feelings spill a bit. I’ve been trying SO hard not let that happen. While he was letting me read something on his phone, a tinder notification popped up. I pretended I didn’t see it and I slid it up on the screen to dismiss it. I returned his phone to him and tried to fight back the tears because seeing that message made me sad. He immediately noticed something was wrong and I tried to push it off and say I didn’t want to talk about it but it came out anyway. I said that I really liked him and that it seemed like he didn’t feel the same way. He said it wasn’t true, that if he didn’t like me then why would I stay over 6 of 7 days of the week? Which I guess is true. He said he turns down hanging out with his friends so he can spend time with me. Then he asked if while I was reading, if it was a dating app notification that came up and I said yes. He said “we talked about this... you know I’m not ready for anything serious right now..” i told him yes I know, which is why I didn’t want to talk about it because I already knew where we stood. I knew he was probably talking to other women because we never made things exclusive and we agreed to not label what we were. But that didn’t mean seeing the messages didn’t hurt a little bit. I emphasized that this wasn’t me trying to make him feel bad or guilty or pressure him in anyway because I really wasn’t. I asked if this could please not effect anything with us because I do love spending time with him and hanging out, he said of course. Then we went on with our night.I am falling hard for this guy. So hard that I’m trying to make myself be ok with the fact that he is talking to other women. I’m very unsure what to do. Do I walk away? Do I stay? If I stay will he ever be in a place to be with me? What if once’s he ready he choses someone else?TLDR; I’m falling in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable and I don’t know what to do about it.