I (27m) broke up with GF (26f) and feel so confused.

TLDR because this is a novel of just feelings, I apologize ; I broke up with my girlfriend because she chose to avoid me, make excuses, and not talk to me due to “stress” in her life and said she couldn’t handle a relationship right now. I feel I might have been too harsh. Been together for 1 year.

So as the title states, I broke up with my girlfriend recently. It wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t horrible either. To give you some background we have been dating for a year and the relationship was generally good. We lived together. And got along great. Until I went through a horribly rough time and had to take a break from schooling ( my source of income ) due to mental health issues.

After that, everything went downhill.

My girlfriend, as caring as she was, kept us afloat. She paid the rent and utilities. And I chipped in for groceries with what little money I had. We went from having sex 3 or 4 times a week to a completely dead bedroom overnight. And absolutely no affection from her. Barely a kiss on the lips, short hugs, and a numbness from her. It finally got to the point where just her being around me would cause panic attacks. I wasn’t abusive, I wasn’t aggressive, I was supportive of her and found a job as soon as I could. But it just wasn’t enough.

She asked me to move out of the apartment we had gotten together. I did. I signed up for the earliest semester I could at school and got my life back on track. Everything she asked of me I did.

And then somehow, even less affection came. She didn’t want to even hug me. Wouldn’t kiss me unless I went to kiss her. She started getting irritable. To the point where the littlest things would set her off. She stopped sharing her problems with me. Or even anything with me. Her days were always “fine”. She was always doing “nothing much”. And the little details you usually tell a partner disappear.

I tried several conversations to fix this, told her to please work on the relationship with me. Asked for more affection, asked about the root of the problem. Asked what I could do to make this work. I got all the false promises you get from a person that just wants to avoid confrontation. The excuses and cancelled plans came... she couldn’t hang out with me because she was busy. Couldn’t go to a bar with me because she was tired. Couldn’t spend time with me because she wanted to see her friends. We didn’t see each other for two weeks. Which, I would have been okay with if she explained she needed time alone. But she didn’t... she just lied, or blew me off.

Finally one night it ALLLLLL came to a head. I had enough. I confronted her and told her I was sick of her avoiding me. Sick of her canceling plans. And sick of having absolutely zero affection. I felt she didn’t care. I told her if she wants time alone. She could have it. We were done. She said she didn’t want to hurt me and that she just can’t be in a relationship right now, but she still wanted to be in each other’s lives, maybe in the future we would work out. But I think we all know what that means here. I told her no, if she wanted to truly remain in my life she wouldn’t have treated me like this. She would still be in my life right now.

I can’t help but feel like there was a different way to handle this. I can’t help but feel like I went about this the wrong way. I miss her terribly. And I wish I could reach out to her, but time and space might be what we need ? Who knows.

All I’m asking is did I make the right decision Reddit ? Do you think I was right to just end it ? Why would she even say she still wanted to be in my life after treating me so bad ? Just really confused right now. And looking for input and maybe some validation on my feelings. Thanks.

Submitted August 06, 2019 at 11:49PM

TLDR because this is a novel of just feelings, I apologize ; I broke up with my girlfriend because she chose to avoid me, make excuses, and not talk to me due to “stress” in her life and said she couldn’t handle a relationship right now. I feel I might have been too harsh. Been together for 1 year.So as the title states, I broke up with my girlfriend recently. It wasn’t pretty, but it wasn’t horrible either. To give you some background we have been dating for a year and the relationship was generally good. We lived together. And got along great. Until I went through a horribly rough time and had to take a break from schooling ( my source of income ) due to mental health issues.After that, everything went downhill.My girlfriend, as caring as she was, kept us afloat. She paid the rent and utilities. And I chipped in for groceries with what little money I had. We went from having sex 3 or 4 times a week to a completely dead bedroom overnight. And absolutely no affection from her. Barely a kiss on the lips, short hugs, and a numbness from her. It finally got to the point where just her being around me would cause panic attacks. I wasn’t abusive, I wasn’t aggressive, I was supportive of her and found a job as soon as I could. But it just wasn’t enough.She asked me to move out of the apartment we had gotten together. I did. I signed up for the earliest semester I could at school and got my life back on track. Everything she asked of me I did.And then somehow, even less affection came. She didn’t want to even hug me. Wouldn’t kiss me unless I went to kiss her. She started getting irritable. To the point where the littlest things would set her off. She stopped sharing her problems with me. Or even anything with me. Her days were always “fine”. She was always doing “nothing much”. And the little details you usually tell a partner disappear.I tried several conversations to fix this, told her to please work on the relationship with me. Asked for more affection, asked about the root of the problem. Asked what I could do to make this work. I got all the false promises you get from a person that just wants to avoid confrontation. The excuses and cancelled plans came... she couldn’t hang out with me because she was busy. Couldn’t go to a bar with me because she was tired. Couldn’t spend time with me because she wanted to see her friends. We didn’t see each other for two weeks. Which, I would have been okay with if she explained she needed time alone. But she didn’t... she just lied, or blew me off.Finally one night it ALLLLLL came to a head. I had enough. I confronted her and told her I was sick of her avoiding me. Sick of her canceling plans. And sick of having absolutely zero affection. I felt she didn’t care. I told her if she wants time alone. She could have it. We were done. She said she didn’t want to hurt me and that she just can’t be in a relationship right now, but she still wanted to be in each other’s lives, maybe in the future we would work out. But I think we all know what that means here. I told her no, if she wanted to truly remain in my life she wouldn’t have treated me like this. She would still be in my life right now.I can’t help but feel like there was a different way to handle this. I can’t help but feel like I went about this the wrong way. I miss her terribly. And I wish I could reach out to her, but time and space might be what we need ? Who knows.All I’m asking is did I make the right decision Reddit ? Do you think I was right to just end it ? Why would she even say she still wanted to be in my life after treating me so bad ? Just really confused right now. And looking for input and maybe some validation on my feelings. Thanks.