i (19m) am conflicted about my feelings towards my fwb of around a month (18f)

we're actually both nonbinary but apparently i have to gender us either m or f. ugh.

I have kinda terrible self esteem and mental health things and i have a history of having casual sex a lot and then feeling very very shitty about myself. i recently entered a kind of fwb relationship with someone i've been friends with for a while and it's been pretty fun and fancy free so far. they have a girlfriend who theyre in an open relationship with, which is cool and i'm friends with her too.

recently though i've been feeling kinda crappy about it, for a few reasons. first of all i want a romantic relationship with someone and having this close physical and friendship connection is really making me feel the lack of romantic connection in my life. one of my bpd intrusive thoughts is that im unlovable and i kinda feel like im giving my brain fuel for the fire by having this fwb arrangement.

i am also kinda not super attractive??? or at least that's what i think but i have v bad self esteem and recognise that other ppl seem to like how i look. i am undeniably kinda fat tho, and my fwb's girlfriend is incredibly slim and beautiful. i cant help comparing our looks and torturing myself with being second best every time they mention her. even though obviously im gonna be second best bc yknow.... thats their girlfriend.

anyway obviously this sounds super super bad but it isnt //all// bad. i do like hanging out w my fwb and it's nice to have sex with someone who knows and gives a shit about me. we've been talking about kinks we're into and they rly want to try taking on a more submissive role (which they cant do with their gf).

anyway i'm not really sure what i want to do,,, if the good outweighs the bad, if i want to risk hurting my friend just bc i'm insecure or even how i'd go about ending the 'relationship' as it's pretty informal.

also i have a horrible tendency of falling in love with the ppl i fuck so im worried that might happen

tl;dr have fuck buddy and also self esteem issues, unsure how to deal with either.



Submitted August 06, 2019 at 11:51PM

we're actually both nonbinary but apparently i have to gender us either m or f. ugh.I have kinda terrible self esteem and mental health things and i have a history of having casual sex a lot and then feeling very very shitty about myself. i recently entered a kind of fwb relationship with someone i've been friends with for a while and it's been pretty fun and fancy free so far. they have a girlfriend who theyre in an open relationship with, which is cool and i'm friends with her too.recently though i've been feeling kinda crappy about it, for a few reasons. first of all i want a romantic relationship with someone and having this close physical and friendship connection is really making me feel the lack of romantic connection in my life. one of my bpd intrusive thoughts is that im unlovable and i kinda feel like im giving my brain fuel for the fire by having this fwb arrangement.i am also kinda not super attractive??? or at least that's what i think but i have v bad self esteem and recognise that other ppl seem to like how i look. i am undeniably kinda fat tho, and my fwb's girlfriend is incredibly slim and beautiful. i cant help comparing our looks and torturing myself with being second best every time they mention her. even though obviously im gonna be second best bc yknow.... thats their girlfriend.anyway obviously this sounds super super bad but it isnt //all// bad. i do like hanging out w my fwb and it's nice to have sex with someone who knows and gives a shit about me. we've been talking about kinks we're into and they rly want to try taking on a more submissive role (which they cant do with their gf).anyway i'm not really sure what i want to do,,, if the good outweighs the bad, if i want to risk hurting my friend just bc i'm insecure or even how i'd go about ending the 'relationship' as it's pretty informal.also i have a horrible tendency of falling in love with the ppl i fuck so im worried that might happentl;dr have fuck buddy and also self esteem issues, unsure how to deal with either.
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