He(26M) said he is not ready for a serious relationship yet. What should I(24M) do?

This is going to be a very long story. Please bear with me. English is not my mother language so I am sorry if my English is not good.

So I met this guy via tinder.

We did not chat a lot on the app but instead we just decided to meet each other to grab some drinks. Our first meeting was amazing. To my surprise, I even open up to him on our first meeting.. I feel save and I feel that he listened very well and he meant it.

Our first meeting started around 5pm and ended like 2am. No sex included. What we did were grabbed drinks, dinner and a very long night walk. I loved that night walk. We talked a lot of stuffs and during that walk we kind of talking about the relationship and he said that he is not ready for the relationship yet since he just quit a very serious 5 years relationship. But he said he really enjoy the time he spent with me. he then asked if we can have another meeting/date like this which I answered yes.

He then escorted me until in front of my place and he gave me a kiss on the lips and gave me a hug while kissed my hair. He then asked If I am happy which I answered yes of course I am. I almost cried just because it felt so nice.. He escorted me to my place even thought he needed to walk to his car which was like 30 minutes walking just because the metro is not running at 2am. I thought to myself "That's very sweet"

Skip to our next meeting/date, again, it was super nice. We went to aquarium and during our date he held my hands even though it was very warm that day. We smiled a lot.. We laughed a lot..

We then have another long night walk and during the walk we kissed a lot and he said he likes me. One lead to the other, he then asked if he could come to my place.. At that moment I thought like, should I do it? What if it's all he want is the sex from the first date? I had these thought going on in my head. I then told him what I thought just because I want to be honest with him. He then said he indeed wants to have sex with me but its all up to me. He said if I said no, he will understand it. I then said lets go inside and drink some tea while I think about it which he agreed to.

He waited there until I made my decision.. He said I have all the time to think about it. At first I wanted to say no but I ended up said yes just because I like him/I have feeling for him. I am not a person who do the hook up. Instead, I never do a hook up before.

We then had sex and it was really great. We laughed a lot, kissed a lot. I feel loved. I then asked him if he likes me even more which he said yes and he said he is going to take time to think (which I assume about our relationship)

He then gave me long good night kiss and left. He wanted to stay but its just not possible due to my place situation/condition.

Skip to next day, I tried to message him on Whats App. We talked a bit but I realized from his way of chatting it was... very short. I then realized he did not really reply to me anymore even though I can see his last seen. I got paranoid. I started to think that he did use me.. I started to have all bad thought in my head. It was not nice.. I was crazy enough to even called him but he did not pick it up. I then realized that I start to get attach to him while he clearly is not.. I acted like I am his girlfriend which I am not.. I then send him a message telling him I am sorry that I acted like that and told him that maybe its best if we do not talk anymore just because I want to protect myself from heart break since he said he is not ready for the relationship yet.. I know I will get even more attached the more I stay close with him.. At the end of the message I wished him good luck.

To my surprise he then reply to me immediately. Told me that its a very brave decision and he understand where it came from. He then wish me a good luck as well.

I then deleted him everywhere. I even deleted my tinder profile.

Skip to couple days later, I saw something that reminded me of him. I took a picture and saved it. I thought to my self, I wanted to send this picture to him but should I? Doesn't it make me look pathetic? I continued think about it until later and decided to just fuck it and send it to him (I got his number back from my call log and added him back to my Whats App)

I sent him the picture which he immediately replied. He said it looked cute which I replied I thought so too.. I then said to him sorry if I disturb him by sending him the pictures which he replied not at all. He said he likes the pictures.

I then tried to make the conversation going by sending him a picture of a drink. I told him I really like this drink and it tasted nice. He then said he would like to try it soon. Which I replied I can show it to you where if you want. He then replied yes he would loved to. We then decide the date and time.. At that time I think to myself "What have I done.." but then thought I will just show him the drink and that's it.

Skip to that day, we met and I showed him where to get the drink. We drank it together. It was awkward at first but immediately start to feel like our first and second meeting. We talked a lot again.. I develop feeling for him again... It was so much fun that we continue walked together around the city shops.

We then grabs another drink at a different location and I kind of bring up the topic about us. I told him I am sorry for what happened before and proceed to explained why I acted like that. He then explained that he is not the type of person who talked a lot on his phone. He is more of the physical person, not virtual. Which I kind of understand. He then said he really likes me and said that its not hook up. Its more than that.. which makes me happy. I thought at that time there is still hope that we might get serious. He mentioned that he is going to have a vacation with his family next week with his family.

He then drove me home and we kissed goodbye.

He then messaged me saying that he had fun today which I said I also had fun. We talked a bit but we did not really decide when we gonna have another meeting. But one thing I realized, he talked more on the chat after I mentioned about it on our third meeting. I felt that he put more effort to talk with me. I started developing more feelings.. In my head I thought there is even more possibility for us to get serious.

During his vacation, he talked quite a lot compare to last time. I said I am happy because he sent me messages. He said he was afraid he disturb me which I said no, I like it. I told him that when he messaged me, it means he thinks about me which he replied yes of course.

We then continued to talk next few days. He send me pictures of his vacation. We then ended up having a serious conversation about our relationship. I said to him I still want to have something serious with him which he said that he is not ready yet.. I blindly said I will wait. He said that if we want to discuss about this, we need to talk in person so it will avoid any misunderstanding. I agreed to to talk about it after his vacation. He then said he had a very rude question which I said its ok, you can ask. He then asked if I still want to have sex with him or its just one time only. I told him if he really have feeling for me/want to go serious with me, I will do it. He then said I respect your answer.

To my surprise he said that I am a fantastic person and tell me not to forget that. He said If he cant give me what I deserve, he hope that someone else will... I then said "what If I only want you?".. and he said "then I hope for your sake that I can give you me sooner rather than later/never"

Again, his answer really give me idea that there is still hope......

Skip another day we had a normal conversation on chat until I came up asking him If he is going to get jealous if I am going out with another guy. He said "no, I would not just because I do not own you." He then asked if I am going out with another guy which I said "no I am not" and stupidly said "If I were you, I would" He then said "As long as you dont have any regret, you can always do whatever you want" I then said "I am sorry if I get jealous" He then said its okay and he asked if I am okay which I simply said yes.

I then asked him why he is so nice toward me. He then said "partly because of my personality but also because I like you and I think you deserve someone who is nice to you" I then asked him if he also gonna do it with another girl whom he thought she deserve someone who is nice toward her and he said "I am not like this to every girl but maybe yes if I like the girl" I then asked "also with kiss and hug?" He said "I dont know. Maybe" "Even though I put alot of feeling in when we are together. its not hook up kiss and hug"

When I read that I have all these thought in my head again.. I feel hurt. I know I do not have right to feel so. I am not his girlfriend. He mentioned it already from the beginning he is not ready for the relationship yet and I still choose to be around him... I thought to myself I am being selfish right now..

I told him I felt hurt a bit and he said he is sorry. He said he is not making it easy for me. I then told him maybe we should not meet each other again just because I will get more attached to him.. He then said he leave it up to me. He said he personally still want to see me but he does not want to hurt me. He then said sorry if he causing me pain which I said to him to not say sorry. Its not his fault. He then again said that he just came out from a very serious relationship and still not ready for the commitment yet.

He then asked whats on my mind at that moment. I then said "I wish I knew you way back" He then said "I understand" And then he messaged again asked "and now?" I stupidly said "I wish I did not make that tinder profile." I realized its a stupid thing to say and said "I am sorry I do not know what I am talking about" He then said "I gave you sometime to think. its okay. I know its difficult" I then said "tbh there is nothing I should think about. We both know what we want but it just does not match and I cant force my wish toward you else I will be selfish" He then reply me in one hour. He said "And now? Do you still want to go out when I am back from my trip?" I then asked "What answer do you want to hear?" He then said "you going out with me" "but if you don't want to anymore, I am okay with it" I then said "I want to go out with you but wont you get scared Ill get more attach to you?" he said "Its a risk but I am not looking at the risk. If there is a chance to enjoy yourself without regret then you can take it" I then asked "what if its gonna be like that? me getting attached to you?" he then asked "are you willing to take a risk in exchange for temporary love"

When I read that I was like.... temporary love...... I told to him that its sounds very wrong.. makes me sound very hopeless.. and he said "no you are not"

I then asked him "whats gonna happened after we go out next time? we gonna say good bye to each other and hope each other the best?" he then said "As long as I enjoy your company which I do, I don't want to say goodbye"

I then decided to meet him again.... he sounds very happy about that and said he cant wait to see me and hug me.

Do you guys think I did a right thing? Or I actually just hurting myself even more? Do I actually make everything move very fast? I really like him, I really do.. Should I wait for him until he is ready? From my story, was I actually kind of pushing him to have a relationship with me? I felt that I kind of did...

I do not know what to do.. please help..

TL;DR = Met someone via tinder. He said he is not ready for a relationship yet while still talk with me and act nice. I do not know what to do. Should I keep being around him or leave him?

Submitted August 06, 2019 at 11:58PM

This is going to be a very long story. Please bear with me. English is not my mother language so I am sorry if my English is not good.So I met this guy via tinder.We did not chat a lot on the app but instead we just decided to meet each other to grab some drinks. Our first meeting was amazing. To my surprise, I even open up to him on our first meeting.. I feel save and I feel that he listened very well and he meant it.Our first meeting started around 5pm and ended like 2am. No sex included. What we did were grabbed drinks, dinner and a very long night walk. I loved that night walk. We talked a lot of stuffs and during that walk we kind of talking about the relationship and he said that he is not ready for the relationship yet since he just quit a very serious 5 years relationship. But he said he really enjoy the time he spent with me. he then asked if we can have another meeting/date like this which I answered yes.He then escorted me until in front of my place and he gave me a kiss on the lips and gave me a hug while kissed my hair. He then asked If I am happy which I answered yes of course I am. I almost cried just because it felt so nice.. He escorted me to my place even thought he needed to walk to his car which was like 30 minutes walking just because the metro is not running at 2am. I thought to myself "That's very sweet"Skip to our next meeting/date, again, it was super nice. We went to aquarium and during our date he held my hands even though it was very warm that day. We smiled a lot.. We laughed a lot..We then have another long night walk and during the walk we kissed a lot and he said he likes me. One lead to the other, he then asked if he could come to my place.. At that moment I thought like, should I do it? What if it's all he want is the sex from the first date? I had these thought going on in my head. I then told him what I thought just because I want to be honest with him. He then said he indeed wants to have sex with me but its all up to me. He said if I said no, he will understand it. I then said lets go inside and drink some tea while I think about it which he agreed to.He waited there until I made my decision.. He said I have all the time to think about it. At first I wanted to say no but I ended up said yes just because I like him/I have feeling for him. I am not a person who do the hook up. Instead, I never do a hook up before.We then had sex and it was really great. We laughed a lot, kissed a lot. I feel loved. I then asked him if he likes me even more which he said yes and he said he is going to take time to think (which I assume about our relationship)He then gave me long good night kiss and left. He wanted to stay but its just not possible due to my place situation/condition.Skip to next day, I tried to message him on Whats App. We talked a bit but I realized from his way of chatting it was... very short. I then realized he did not really reply to me anymore even though I can see his last seen. I got paranoid. I started to think that he did use me.. I started to have all bad thought in my head. It was not nice.. I was crazy enough to even called him but he did not pick it up. I then realized that I start to get attach to him while he clearly is not.. I acted like I am his girlfriend which I am not.. I then send him a message telling him I am sorry that I acted like that and told him that maybe its best if we do not talk anymore just because I want to protect myself from heart break since he said he is not ready for the relationship yet.. I know I will get even more attached the more I stay close with him.. At the end of the message I wished him good luck.To my surprise he then reply to me immediately. Told me that its a very brave decision and he understand where it came from. He then wish me a good luck as well.I then deleted him everywhere. I even deleted my tinder profile.Skip to couple days later, I saw something that reminded me of him. I took a picture and saved it. I thought to my self, I wanted to send this picture to him but should I? Doesn't it make me look pathetic? I continued think about it until later and decided to just fuck it and send it to him (I got his number back from my call log and added him back to my Whats App)I sent him the picture which he immediately replied. He said it looked cute which I replied I thought so too.. I then said to him sorry if I disturb him by sending him the pictures which he replied not at all. He said he likes the pictures.I then tried to make the conversation going by sending him a picture of a drink. I told him I really like this drink and it tasted nice. He then said he would like to try it soon. Which I replied I can show it to you where if you want. He then replied yes he would loved to. We then decide the date and time.. At that time I think to myself "What have I done.." but then thought I will just show him the drink and that's it.Skip to that day, we met and I showed him where to get the drink. We drank it together. It was awkward at first but immediately start to feel like our first and second meeting. We talked a lot again.. I develop feeling for him again... It was so much fun that we continue walked together around the city shops.We then grabs another drink at a different location and I kind of bring up the topic about us. I told him I am sorry for what happened before and proceed to explained why I acted like that. He then explained that he is not the type of person who talked a lot on his phone. He is more of the physical person, not virtual. Which I kind of understand. He then said he really likes me and said that its not hook up. Its more than that.. which makes me happy. I thought at that time there is still hope that we might get serious. He mentioned that he is going to have a vacation with his family next week with his family.He then drove me home and we kissed goodbye.He then messaged me saying that he had fun today which I said I also had fun. We talked a bit but we did not really decide when we gonna have another meeting. But one thing I realized, he talked more on the chat after I mentioned about it on our third meeting. I felt that he put more effort to talk with me. I started developing more feelings.. In my head I thought there is even more possibility for us to get serious.During his vacation, he talked quite a lot compare to last time. I said I am happy because he sent me messages. He said he was afraid he disturb me which I said no, I like it. I told him that when he messaged me, it means he thinks about me which he replied yes of course.We then continued to talk next few days. He send me pictures of his vacation. We then ended up having a serious conversation about our relationship. I said to him I still want to have something serious with him which he said that he is not ready yet.. I blindly said I will wait. He said that if we want to discuss about this, we need to talk in person so it will avoid any misunderstanding. I agreed to to talk about it after his vacation. He then said he had a very rude question which I said its ok, you can ask. He then asked if I still want to have sex with him or its just one time only. I told him if he really have feeling for me/want to go serious with me, I will do it. He then said I respect your answer.To my surprise he said that I am a fantastic person and tell me not to forget that. He said If he cant give me what I deserve, he hope that someone else will... I then said "what If I only want you?".. and he said "then I hope for your sake that I can give you me sooner rather than later/never"Again, his answer really give me idea that there is still hope......Skip another day we had a normal conversation on chat until I came up asking him If he is going to get jealous if I am going out with another guy. He said "no, I would not just because I do not own you." He then asked if I am going out with another guy which I said "no I am not" and stupidly said "If I were you, I would" He then said "As long as you dont have any regret, you can always do whatever you want" I then said "I am sorry if I get jealous" He then said its okay and he asked if I am okay which I simply said yes.I then asked him why he is so nice toward me. He then said "partly because of my personality but also because I like you and I think you deserve someone who is nice to you" I then asked him if he also gonna do it with another girl whom he thought she deserve someone who is nice toward her and he said "I am not like this to every girl but maybe yes if I like the girl" I then asked "also with kiss and hug?" He said "I dont know. Maybe" "Even though I put alot of feeling in when we are together. its not hook up kiss and hug"When I read that I have all these thought in my head again.. I feel hurt. I know I do not have right to feel so. I am not his girlfriend. He mentioned it already from the beginning he is not ready for the relationship yet and I still choose to be around him... I thought to myself I am being selfish right now..I told him I felt hurt a bit and he said he is sorry. He said he is not making it easy for me. I then told him maybe we should not meet each other again just because I will get more attached to him.. He then said he leave it up to me. He said he personally still want to see me but he does not want to hurt me. He then said sorry if he causing me pain which I said to him to not say sorry. Its not his fault. He then again said that he just came out from a very serious relationship and still not ready for the commitment yet.He then asked whats on my mind at that moment. I then said "I wish I knew you way back" He then said "I understand" And then he messaged again asked "and now?" I stupidly said "I wish I did not make that tinder profile." I realized its a stupid thing to say and said "I am sorry I do not know what I am talking about" He then said "I gave you sometime to think. its okay. I know its difficult" I then said "tbh there is nothing I should think about. We both know what we want but it just does not match and I cant force my wish toward you else I will be selfish" He then reply me in one hour. He said "And now? Do you still want to go out when I am back from my trip?" I then asked "What answer do you want to hear?" He then said "you going out with me" "but if you don't want to anymore, I am okay with it" I then said "I want to go out with you but wont you get scared Ill get more attach to you?" he said "Its a risk but I am not looking at the risk. If there is a chance to enjoy yourself without regret then you can take it" I then asked "what if its gonna be like that? me getting attached to you?" he then asked "are you willing to take a risk in exchange for temporary love"When I read that I was like.... temporary love...... I told to him that its sounds very wrong.. makes me sound very hopeless.. and he said "no you are not"I then asked him "whats gonna happened after we go out next time? we gonna say good bye to each other and hope each other the best?" he then said "As long as I enjoy your company which I do, I don't want to say goodbye"I then decided to meet him again.... he sounds very happy about that and said he cant wait to see me and hug me.Do you guys think I did a right thing? Or I actually just hurting myself even more? Do I actually make everything move very fast? I really like him, I really do.. Should I wait for him until he is ready? From my story, was I actually kind of pushing him to have a relationship with me? I felt that I kind of did...I do not know what to do.. please help..TL;DR = Met someone via tinder. He said he is not ready for a relationship yet while still talk with me and act nice. I do not know what to do. Should I keep being around him or leave him?