Feel like I [28F] am losing my boyfriend [28M] since we bought a fixer-upper together

So, I'll start off with some background. I have been with my boyfriend for 7.5 years. I truly believe I am a very lucky woman to have him in my life - he is for sure my best friend, and the person I could picture being next to me on the old front porch in a rocking chair at 90 years old. He is kind to others and to me, he is loyal. We have similar values, goals and agree on all the major topics (e.g. religion, parenting choices, etc). He makes me laugh, he is my biggest supporter, we have gone through highs and lows and everything in between. He truly feels like home to me.

In the past, we had lived together for two years while I finished my Masters degree. No complaints there, everything was great! Last year, I finished that degree and we had to live separately for awhile (both stayed with our parents) until we found a home to purchase. We'd often do back and forth nights at each other's homes. So, it's safe to say we were pretty excited to find a home in June, which we closed on in June as well. It happened fast for sure.

Since then, it seems like our relationship has taken a major hit. We did a mortgage + improvements plan, so we have a deadline to do the renovations (garage) we asked to do or we lose the 'improvement' money included in our mortgage. Understandably, this has my boyfriend pretty stressed out, as the deadline is in October. I get that - I know he's worried and he is particular with this stuff, so he's been consumed with it. I've done my best to help him out but there's not much I can do besides being supportive.

I have found, though, that all the sudden our relationship has taken a major backseat to him. He comes home from his 10 hour work day, and works outside til 9pm, when he comes in and sleeps. On weekends, he's up and at 'em, working on the land and meeting with contractors, etc. He's constantly on his phone watching videos, etc of how to build garages, etc. He's snappier, grumpier and hard to be around. I have tried to approach it with him gently and at times I figured it'd be best (weekends, days off, etc) to talk about the lack of connection and quality time we are having lately, but he snaps and says "Well, we could have had it but now you ruined it because you're complaining - what do you expect becoolbecoolbecool, I am tryng to get everything done... etc etc".

Now, I know he's probably lashing out because he's stressed, but in 7.5 years I've known him, he has never been this way. I am starting to feel distant, and feel unappreciated around the house. I'm losing my sex drive because we are never doing it, and my feelings are kinda cooling off. I know there are peaks and valleys in relationships, but I feel like since we've bought this house, we've been at odds because of the stress and I am just not sure how to get back to our normal, healthy communication and happy relationship together. I am trying to plan date nights, but they seem to fall wayside lately with the projects and renovations. In my logical mind, I know this phase of life is temporary - but I'm stressed that maybe this is a warning sign of times to come when stress comes up. Also, sorry this is all over the place... I just feel like I word vomited.

I am essentially looking for advice on how to get some connection back, talk to him and how to ride this out.TLDR: Boyfriend and I are in stressful time in our lives (new home, renovations) and it's taking a toll on our connection. How can I connect to him? Is this a sign of bad things to come when stress comes up?

Submitted August 08, 2019 at 12:31AM

So, I'll start off with some background. I have been with my boyfriend for 7.5 years. I truly believe I am a very lucky woman to have him in my life - he is for sure my best friend, and the person I could picture being next to me on the old front porch in a rocking chair at 90 years old. He is kind to others and to me, he is loyal. We have similar values, goals and agree on all the major topics (e.g. religion, parenting choices, etc). He makes me laugh, he is my biggest supporter, we have gone through highs and lows and everything in between. He truly feels like home to me.In the past, we had lived together for two years while I finished my Masters degree. No complaints there, everything was great! Last year, I finished that degree and we had to live separately for awhile (both stayed with our parents) until we found a home to purchase. We'd often do back and forth nights at each other's homes. So, it's safe to say we were pretty excited to find a home in June, which we closed on in June as well. It happened fast for sure.Since then, it seems like our relationship has taken a major hit. We did a mortgage + improvements plan, so we have a deadline to do the renovations (garage) we asked to do or we lose the 'improvement' money included in our mortgage. Understandably, this has my boyfriend pretty stressed out, as the deadline is in October. I get that - I know he's worried and he is particular with this stuff, so he's been consumed with it. I've done my best to help him out but there's not much I can do besides being supportive.I have found, though, that all the sudden our relationship has taken a major backseat to him. He comes home from his 10 hour work day, and works outside til 9pm, when he comes in and sleeps. On weekends, he's up and at 'em, working on the land and meeting with contractors, etc. He's constantly on his phone watching videos, etc of how to build garages, etc. He's snappier, grumpier and hard to be around. I have tried to approach it with him gently and at times I figured it'd be best (weekends, days off, etc) to talk about the lack of connection and quality time we are having lately, but he snaps and says "Well, we could have had it but now you ruined it because you're complaining - what do you expect becoolbecoolbecool, I am tryng to get everything done... etc etc".Now, I know he's probably lashing out because he's stressed, but in 7.5 years I've known him, he has never been this way. I am starting to feel distant, and feel unappreciated around the house. I'm losing my sex drive because we are never doing it, and my feelings are kinda cooling off. I know there are peaks and valleys in relationships, but I feel like since we've bought this house, we've been at odds because of the stress and I am just not sure how to get back to our normal, healthy communication and happy relationship together. I am trying to plan date nights, but they seem to fall wayside lately with the projects and renovations. In my logical mind, I know this phase of life is temporary - but I'm stressed that maybe this is a warning sign of times to come when stress comes up. Also, sorry this is all over the place... I just feel like I word vomited.I am essentially looking for advice on how to get some connection back, talk to him and how to ride this out.TLDR: Boyfriend and I are in stressful time in our lives (new home, renovations) and it's taking a toll on our connection. How can I connect to him? Is this a sign of bad things to come when stress comes up?