Going through a nasty break-up and I need help!

Hi! First time posting here, I (M23) have been in a serious relationship (F21) for 3 years. We have been living together for 2 years while at University. About a month ago we moved into a different place for her intern year and I graduated. For the first few weeks everything was fine, we unpacked, went shopping and tried to keep everything in motion (at this point I did not know my final result from University). Our relationship had some bumps along the way, either because I didn't do anything but play when she studied or because of other impulses. And throughout the time spent together I said I will change but she needs to change some aspects as I was not the only one faulty here.

Once we moved in the other place is where I planned on changing the most (lifestyle, workplace and general attitude). She secured a job at the biggest company in the world, so i was morally supporting her everyday. I would get up at 5am each day to prepare her lunch, and sometimes iron her clothes while she was doing her makeup. In the day time i was actively looking for jobs as well, ringing managers, tailoring CV's etc. So I kinda started neglecting all the house chores.

One day I came back from the capital where I had an interview and helped some other people set up some tech, so I left for few days and I didnt text her at all as she kept telling me in the past that she wants some privacy and, genuinely I dont even text my parents to let them know I am fine. The day I came back I wanted to be affectionate with her, I was tired and I didnt want to focus on the house matter but me and her. She started to refuse me and tell me to leave her alone, so I did and 10 minutes later she was all up trying to cuddle me as she felt that i was a bit bummed off about it.

Then at one point she started to have this impulse of anger because i was lazy and thw house is a mess, so i agreed with her and went to change the bed sheets. While i had a pillow in my hand she went and held the power button on my computer until it went off (she did try to fry my pc before even though i did not go it all day) so i tapped her on the head with the pillow, like real softly. So she grabbed my expensive glassed and threated me to break them so i tapped her again and she ripped them. At that point i threw the pillow at her and grabbed the second one and threw it too and i stormed outside to calm down. (bare in mind that she smashed my ipad to pieces, ripped my cigarettes apart, threaten to soak my hard drive and locking me outside of the house at 4am while i was stressed about my final year project) I immediately regretted everything and went back in to say sorry, but she would have none of it, she rang her parents and told them of what happened and her mother went into a rage fit and told her to move out and she would pay for everything just to see her out.

The next day I tried solving this issue because it was a week before me starting a job, gym membership, drivers test etc. And I wanted my life to finally be on track. Her mother rang again while I was talking to her, telling her that she should be manipulated by me anymore 😂 then she told me to leave for good. After being emotionally abused by them for not having a job, playing games, casually drinking and smoking I decided to leave. The problem is that once I left I knew things will turn to shit even more, because although her mother said she'll pay for everything, my mother is the legal guarantor for us and once I arrived home at my parents, my ex demanded that I pay half of the rent and half of the fees and I dont live there. So I agreed as I cant do anything legally, im bound to that contract. Fast-forward 2 weeks and I went to collect my stuff from that apartment (pack and spend the night) but I could not stand her as she was hinting at meeting other people etc. So I took the train and went to the capital to meet with some friends. I had a good time with them, had 4 beers in a space of 7h and I went to grab some food and go home.

Once I got home I went to eat and listen to music, but she kept turning my music off. Initially I didnt say anything and it gradually went to me telling her to calm down and leave me alone. The 5th time she tried doing it i grabbed her hand, stood up and said i will kick her out of the house (theres a big height difference). So she rang her parents again, this time telling them that i grabbed her, then dragged her on the floor to kick her out. Her parents started to threaten me to break my legs and other stuff. At that point I exploded with rage and I started to shout really abusive and over the top insults to all of them, to the point where everyone was scared of me, I was red and my veins were pumping blood faster than I was a virgin 😂. After I had my rage fit I went and hapily gone back to eat. I could hear my ex talking to the police and she was shaking and crying as she never seen me rage before and say hurtful things to anyone.

Police arrived at the flat and asked what happened and eventually arrested me for domestic violence. I had to "sleep" in a cell for 12h for something I did not do. The next day I was released and found not guilty (remember my stuff being broken? I suffered punches, scratches, blood pouring out of my face and lips, not a lot but still, bite marks etc. And brushed them off as play fight and a cute little girl trying to fight, because if i was ever to assault her she would of gone with some broken bones). Since then I was blocked by everyone.

Now, 2 weeks after the incident I am siting at home thinking about her everyday and how much shit I have to tell her, and her parents. A mix bag of emotions and I am willing to forgive her for everything and start fresh, as long as she wants to join for a counselling session for aggressive impulses (for both of us). I dont know what to do, I feel lonely and I always think of our future and the plans we had for our careers and life in general.

Sorry for the long post, too much stuff on my chest.

TL;DR: she has accused me to everyone for assauting her and have been arrested for it. I have mixed emotions right now but I am willing to forgive her but she doesn't see that she did something wrong

Submitted August 08, 2019 at 12:33AM

Hi! First time posting here, I (M23) have been in a serious relationship (F21) for 3 years. We have been living together for 2 years while at University. About a month ago we moved into a different place for her intern year and I graduated. For the first few weeks everything was fine, we unpacked, went shopping and tried to keep everything in motion (at this point I did not know my final result from University). Our relationship had some bumps along the way, either because I didn't do anything but play when she studied or because of other impulses. And throughout the time spent together I said I will change but she needs to change some aspects as I was not the only one faulty here.Once we moved in the other place is where I planned on changing the most (lifestyle, workplace and general attitude). She secured a job at the biggest company in the world, so i was morally supporting her everyday. I would get up at 5am each day to prepare her lunch, and sometimes iron her clothes while she was doing her makeup. In the day time i was actively looking for jobs as well, ringing managers, tailoring CV's etc. So I kinda started neglecting all the house chores.One day I came back from the capital where I had an interview and helped some other people set up some tech, so I left for few days and I didnt text her at all as she kept telling me in the past that she wants some privacy and, genuinely I dont even text my parents to let them know I am fine. The day I came back I wanted to be affectionate with her, I was tired and I didnt want to focus on the house matter but me and her. She started to refuse me and tell me to leave her alone, so I did and 10 minutes later she was all up trying to cuddle me as she felt that i was a bit bummed off about it.Then at one point she started to have this impulse of anger because i was lazy and thw house is a mess, so i agreed with her and went to change the bed sheets. While i had a pillow in my hand she went and held the power button on my computer until it went off (she did try to fry my pc before even though i did not go it all day) so i tapped her on the head with the pillow, like real softly. So she grabbed my expensive glassed and threated me to break them so i tapped her again and she ripped them. At that point i threw the pillow at her and grabbed the second one and threw it too and i stormed outside to calm down. (bare in mind that she smashed my ipad to pieces, ripped my cigarettes apart, threaten to soak my hard drive and locking me outside of the house at 4am while i was stressed about my final year project) I immediately regretted everything and went back in to say sorry, but she would have none of it, she rang her parents and told them of what happened and her mother went into a rage fit and told her to move out and she would pay for everything just to see her out.The next day I tried solving this issue because it was a week before me starting a job, gym membership, drivers test etc. And I wanted my life to finally be on track. Her mother rang again while I was talking to her, telling her that she should be manipulated by me anymore 😂 then she told me to leave for good. After being emotionally abused by them for not having a job, playing games, casually drinking and smoking I decided to leave. The problem is that once I left I knew things will turn to shit even more, because although her mother said she'll pay for everything, my mother is the legal guarantor for us and once I arrived home at my parents, my ex demanded that I pay half of the rent and half of the fees and I dont live there. So I agreed as I cant do anything legally, im bound to that contract. Fast-forward 2 weeks and I went to collect my stuff from that apartment (pack and spend the night) but I could not stand her as she was hinting at meeting other people etc. So I took the train and went to the capital to meet with some friends. I had a good time with them, had 4 beers in a space of 7h and I went to grab some food and go home.Once I got home I went to eat and listen to music, but she kept turning my music off. Initially I didnt say anything and it gradually went to me telling her to calm down and leave me alone. The 5th time she tried doing it i grabbed her hand, stood up and said i will kick her out of the house (theres a big height difference). So she rang her parents again, this time telling them that i grabbed her, then dragged her on the floor to kick her out. Her parents started to threaten me to break my legs and other stuff. At that point I exploded with rage and I started to shout really abusive and over the top insults to all of them, to the point where everyone was scared of me, I was red and my veins were pumping blood faster than I was a virgin 😂. After I had my rage fit I went and hapily gone back to eat. I could hear my ex talking to the police and she was shaking and crying as she never seen me rage before and say hurtful things to anyone.Police arrived at the flat and asked what happened and eventually arrested me for domestic violence. I had to "sleep" in a cell for 12h for something I did not do. The next day I was released and found not guilty (remember my stuff being broken? I suffered punches, scratches, blood pouring out of my face and lips, not a lot but still, bite marks etc. And brushed them off as play fight and a cute little girl trying to fight, because if i was ever to assault her she would of gone with some broken bones). Since then I was blocked by everyone.Now, 2 weeks after the incident I am siting at home thinking about her everyday and how much shit I have to tell her, and her parents. A mix bag of emotions and I am willing to forgive her for everything and start fresh, as long as she wants to join for a counselling session for aggressive impulses (for both of us). I dont know what to do, I feel lonely and I always think of our future and the plans we had for our careers and life in general.Sorry for the long post, too much stuff on my chest.TL;DR: she has accused me to everyone for assauting her and have been arrested for it. I have mixed emotions right now but I am willing to forgive her but she doesn't see that she did something wrong