My (32F) friends (Late 20's / Early 30's) who are all very affectionate with each other and often leave me out made me feel bad for trying to be the same with them. Why am I not worthy?

Last night I was at pool party with a bunch of friends having a good time and a situation came up that made me feel awkward at the time and has had me feeling horrible ever since.

Many of my friends tend to be very close to one another, not seeming to be worried to be affectionate with each other. Most of them are other women, and many of them are bisexual. They seem to be comfortable being close and such, but I've always been a little annoyed and left out because that affection never seems to be shown my way. Maybe it's because I'm around five or six years older than some of them, I don't know. I wish I did.

I was seeing many of them doing this again, putting their arms around each other, giving pecking kisses on the cheeks, stuff like that. Yet again, none of that affection was being shown my way. That kind of thing has really been hurting my self-confidence lately, making me wonder if I am worthy of that kind of attention from them, because I've certainly never gotten it.

I decided that maybe it was because of my own self confidence issues and tried to instead have some that night. I swam over to one of my friends and held my arm to hers and rested my head on her shoulder. She immediately recoiled. I tried not to think much of it and tried again with another friend a bit later, putting my arms around her shoulders, she did the same thing.

Later that night, I got a text from one of them, admonishing me for making them "uncomfortable." Which really hurt me and makes me hate myself because I see them doing that with each other all the time.

I've felt horrible about this all day. I don't know why I am left out like this and what I am not deserving of the same affection. Why would this be? Why am I not worthy? Would anyone have any idea of why?

TLDR - My friends are very affectionate with each other except for me, I am always left out. Why would this be?

Submitted July 05, 2019 at 12:15AM

Last night I was at pool party with a bunch of friends having a good time and a situation came up that made me feel awkward at the time and has had me feeling horrible ever since.Many of my friends tend to be very close to one another, not seeming to be worried to be affectionate with each other. Most of them are other women, and many of them are bisexual. They seem to be comfortable being close and such, but I've always been a little annoyed and left out because that affection never seems to be shown my way. Maybe it's because I'm around five or six years older than some of them, I don't know. I wish I did.I was seeing many of them doing this again, putting their arms around each other, giving pecking kisses on the cheeks, stuff like that. Yet again, none of that affection was being shown my way. That kind of thing has really been hurting my self-confidence lately, making me wonder if I am worthy of that kind of attention from them, because I've certainly never gotten it.I decided that maybe it was because of my own self confidence issues and tried to instead have some that night. I swam over to one of my friends and held my arm to hers and rested my head on her shoulder. She immediately recoiled. I tried not to think much of it and tried again with another friend a bit later, putting my arms around her shoulders, she did the same thing.Later that night, I got a text from one of them, admonishing me for making them "uncomfortable." Which really hurt me and makes me hate myself because I see them doing that with each other all the time.I've felt horrible about this all day. I don't know why I am left out like this and what I am not deserving of the same affection. Why would this be? Why am I not worthy? Would anyone have any idea of why?TLDR - My friends are very affectionate with each other except for me, I am always left out. Why would this be?