How do you know when love is becoming obsessive? And how do I get over it?

So basically I fell in love with this girl a couple years ago. We met when I was on vacation with my friends a few years ago, and I got her number before we left. We text daily/weekly, and I consider her my first and only (so far) love.

I sometimes saw her in person over the past few years, but only for a short time. I fell in love with her because she’s the kindest and warmest person that I’ve ever met, but I’ve often tried to stop loving her because I (F) didn’t want to be gay. However, I never was able to stop; although now I’m ok with my identity, I still think about her.

I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me, which is why I want to stop thinking about her, but I can’t. I think about her all the time and I don’t know if it’s becoming obsessive. We are friends (but not super close friends), but I keep imagining a future with her — a marriage, kids, etc. I know it’s weird to be in such a one-sided relationship where I want so much and she thinks I like her only as a friend, and also it’s come to the point where I think about her so often.

I don’t stalk her or anything, and I’ve been trying to text her less even though it’s kind of hard since we’re friends. But I think about her so much and want an impossible future with her that I don’t know if my love has become obsession. I want to keep our friendship, but I also want to move on especially since she thinks I’m a friend, not anything more. Help and thanks!



Submitted July 04, 2019 at 11:58PM

So basically I fell in love with this girl a couple years ago. We met when I was on vacation with my friends a few years ago, and I got her number before we left. We text daily/weekly, and I consider her my first and only (so far) love.I sometimes saw her in person over the past few years, but only for a short time. I fell in love with her because she’s the kindest and warmest person that I’ve ever met, but I’ve often tried to stop loving her because I (F) didn’t want to be gay. However, I never was able to stop; although now I’m ok with my identity, I still think about her.I know she doesn’t feel the same way about me, which is why I want to stop thinking about her, but I can’t. I think about her all the time and I don’t know if it’s becoming obsessive. We are friends (but not super close friends), but I keep imagining a future with her — a marriage, kids, etc. I know it’s weird to be in such a one-sided relationship where I want so much and she thinks I like her only as a friend, and also it’s come to the point where I think about her so often.I don’t stalk her or anything, and I’ve been trying to text her less even though it’s kind of hard since we’re friends. But I think about her so much and want an impossible future with her that I don’t know if my love has become obsession. I want to keep our friendship, but I also want to move on especially since she thinks I’m a friend, not anything more. Help and thanks!
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