I’m (F25) dating a widower (M28)

My boyfriend is a widower and his late wife of not even a year passed away 8 months ago (they were together for a total of 5 years). BF and I dated before already a couple years ago when they took a break (cause she cheated on him). After she passed away he reached out, we reconnected and started officially dating last February. I just wanna say he’s been amazing at understanding my worries and respecting my boundaries—taking her photos down, not talking about her always, making space for me at his home. Were definitely serious, he has met my parents and I met his already. I honestly think things are going well, we are planning to move in together when September comes. However, her death anniversary is coming up on November. I initially invited him to a concert but realized I shouldnt since its exactly the day she passed away. Ive made other plans and decided to go away for holidays on that week cause I’m so worried of dealing with him grieving. When her family burried her urn a month ago, he was fine afterwards we even hung out but as soon as I left he ignored my texts all day and confided that it hit him and he was sad/crying. I’m so worried that when November comes and I come home from my trip he will be in the same mood. I told him this, that he can’t just shun me when we live together like he did after her burial and ignored me all day. I even brought up the idea of waiting to move in after her first death anniversary but he insisted he will be fine, that he really wants me to move in already and that “he cant wait forever for me to move in.” I really don’t know what answers I’m looking for here but I feel horrible for feeling pissed that I have to go on holidays because its her death anniversary. Sure it will be fun cause I get to see my fave artist and my bestfriend who lives an 8 hour drive from here. I don’t know how to accept it all, I’m so worried that it might be like this every year. I honestly am having a hard time accepting the reality that he’s a widower. He respects my boundaries so well that I forget that he is so It really upsets me when he has oopsies sometimes like calling me HER name once infront of his bestfriend because it sends me back to the reality that he is a widower and had a wife that he might still be inlove with. I’m going to see a therapist next week in hopes that I can settle my feelings.. How do I accept this? Am I being selfish for putting my feelings first?

TL;DR : widower bf’s late wife’s death anniversary coming up and I’m stressin out.

Submitted July 04, 2019 at 11:54PM

My boyfriend is a widower and his late wife of not even a year passed away 8 months ago (they were together for a total of 5 years). BF and I dated before already a couple years ago when they took a break (cause she cheated on him). After she passed away he reached out, we reconnected and started officially dating last February. I just wanna say he’s been amazing at understanding my worries and respecting my boundaries—taking her photos down, not talking about her always, making space for me at his home. Were definitely serious, he has met my parents and I met his already. I honestly think things are going well, we are planning to move in together when September comes. However, her death anniversary is coming up on November. I initially invited him to a concert but realized I shouldnt since its exactly the day she passed away. Ive made other plans and decided to go away for holidays on that week cause I’m so worried of dealing with him grieving. When her family burried her urn a month ago, he was fine afterwards we even hung out but as soon as I left he ignored my texts all day and confided that it hit him and he was sad/crying. I’m so worried that when November comes and I come home from my trip he will be in the same mood. I told him this, that he can’t just shun me when we live together like he did after her burial and ignored me all day. I even brought up the idea of waiting to move in after her first death anniversary but he insisted he will be fine, that he really wants me to move in already and that “he cant wait forever for me to move in.” I really don’t know what answers I’m looking for here but I feel horrible for feeling pissed that I have to go on holidays because its her death anniversary. Sure it will be fun cause I get to see my fave artist and my bestfriend who lives an 8 hour drive from here. I don’t know how to accept it all, I’m so worried that it might be like this every year. I honestly am having a hard time accepting the reality that he’s a widower. He respects my boundaries so well that I forget that he is so It really upsets me when he has oopsies sometimes like calling me HER name once infront of his bestfriend because it sends me back to the reality that he is a widower and had a wife that he might still be inlove with. I’m going to see a therapist next week in hopes that I can settle my feelings.. How do I accept this? Am I being selfish for putting my feelings first?TL;DR : widower bf’s late wife’s death anniversary coming up and I’m stressin out.