Wife (out of the blue) said she's unhappy and unsure about our future

Background: Wife (34F) and I (37M) have been married 3 years soon to be 4 in late June. Together 7 years. I'm previously divorced (ex-wife cheated, so I left), wife has a son from previous college relationship (now 15 years old).

Current relationship: Marriage has been awesome, or so I thought. This weekend out of the blue she seemed more distant than usual, and when I pressed her to talk (she's not great at communication) she told me she's feeling lost and unsure what she wants anymore. She said mostly she just wants to be alone. She said she thinks about what it would be like to be not married lately. She said she loves me but she's worried one day she may not. She's even contemplating not going to a dream job interview because she's not sure where she will be in the next few months?

I asked her what brought this on and she isn't sure. She feels like she's not an individual anymore and questions why we got married. She wishes we just stayed together (though she must be feeling some sort of marital pressure I'm not realizing?). She doesn't know if it was a build up of things she couldn't communicate or an internal shift. She said it's not me - that I don't deserve her and if she can't make a great relationship with a great stable guy work what does that say about her? It was hard to hear her words and reminded me of when my last marriage ended but I told her it was human and natural to have doubts and that she needs to explore them to be happy rather than try to sweep them under the rug and go through the motions.

I encouraged her to see a therapist and so far she's been reluctant because she is stubborn (her own words) and afraid of what she will find out. But I told her it was better to try to work it out and talk to someone than throw away the past seven years of our lives together. So now we are at an impasse. I told her I was deeply affected by her words and started crying in front of her this morning afraid of losing her and our son, but i'm trying to keep it together and stay strong while being loving and supportive. She was understanding of my pain, and sorry for putting me in this situation, and we embraced and have been cordial since, just not affectionate. We are supposed to go to Ohio this weekend for a race and I'm not sure how it will go. I'm just feeling really down on myself, especially after my last marriage, and can't believe this is happening. I know it could all work out. but I also have to be realistic that it may not. And that breaks my heart.

Submitted June 04, 2019 at 12:18AM

Background: Wife (34F) and I (37M) have been married 3 years soon to be 4 in late June. Together 7 years. I'm previously divorced (ex-wife cheated, so I left), wife has a son from previous college relationship (now 15 years old).Current relationship: Marriage has been awesome, or so I thought. This weekend out of the blue she seemed more distant than usual, and when I pressed her to talk (she's not great at communication) she told me she's feeling lost and unsure what she wants anymore. She said mostly she just wants to be alone. She said she thinks about what it would be like to be not married lately. She said she loves me but she's worried one day she may not. She's even contemplating not going to a dream job interview because she's not sure where she will be in the next few months?I asked her what brought this on and she isn't sure. She feels like she's not an individual anymore and questions why we got married. She wishes we just stayed together (though she must be feeling some sort of marital pressure I'm not realizing?). She doesn't know if it was a build up of things she couldn't communicate or an internal shift. She said it's not me - that I don't deserve her and if she can't make a great relationship with a great stable guy work what does that say about her? It was hard to hear her words and reminded me of when my last marriage ended but I told her it was human and natural to have doubts and that she needs to explore them to be happy rather than try to sweep them under the rug and go through the motions.I encouraged her to see a therapist and so far she's been reluctant because she is stubborn (her own words) and afraid of what she will find out. But I told her it was better to try to work it out and talk to someone than throw away the past seven years of our lives together. So now we are at an impasse. I told her I was deeply affected by her words and started crying in front of her this morning afraid of losing her and our son, but i'm trying to keep it together and stay strong while being loving and supportive. She was understanding of my pain, and sorry for putting me in this situation, and we embraced and have been cordial since, just not affectionate. We are supposed to go to Ohio this weekend for a race and I'm not sure how it will go. I'm just feeling really down on myself, especially after my last marriage, and can't believe this is happening. I know it could all work out. but I also have to be realistic that it may not. And that breaks my heart.