me (27M) sharing the last note I wrote to share to my ex 4+ years ago. (I feel like some of you can probably relate) SAD

I am going through a old phone and saw I had a few left over notes and thought this would be cool / good to share in case others out there feel this way or need help expressing them selves to their significant other. I was in this relationship for a little longer then 3 years.

• I feel alone mentally and physically
• I don't feel loved
• I feel like I can't talk to you
• I feel like you are my old self
• You never fight for my love , leaving me with the feeling that you don't really love me at all
• You give up so easy and walk away so easy, again that feels like you don't really understand or love me
• You say I don't do anything for you and it truly kills me inside
• You talk about leaving me and that truly kills me inside
• We don't agree on politics at all and because of that we can only fight about it
• We don't agree on religion and as much as that normally doesn't bother me I feel like you are always changing it and not just true to yourself, I don't like that you worship the "bone lady" and give some entity gifts, I just want you to be you and believe in you
• You are prejudices again the white race and guess what I'm white, I can't stop thinking about how much in general you don't like me because of this
• I do feel because you don't like white people that you don't ever take me seriously but if that's not the case I still feel like you never take me seriously
• I feel like I can never speak my mind without repercussions as like I did last night with that text, I can't ever talk to you about something without you giving up or fighting me and not just listen to me
• I wish you would talk to me when you and I are both calm and focused but you always fight with me when ever
• Are sex life is non existent
• I feel like you what dominance yet you only let me grow to become a pussy
• I feel like you have changed me into a pussy because I can't speak up and I have to shut my mouth on everything
• We can't have good sex when I can't be myself
• I can't trust you and you take it as a joke
• You spy on me and invade the little bit of privacy that I have like my fb
• That means you still have trust issues with me when I have done nothing to ruin that with you sense we got back together almost a year ago
• Because you have trust issues with me and I keep catching you spying on me it makes me feel like I can't trust you and that I can't just be myself with or without you
• I feel like you are only ever full of hate or depression and you are never happy, now I'm sure that are many reasons why this happens but when I finally see you for the first time in 4 days and you instantly yell or and pisses because of whatever it really takes that beautiful moment of excitement and just turns it into complete hurt
• I don't really think you believe you ever hurt me
• You tell me I never admit I'm wrong but you don't ether and I feel like I end up taking the blame 9/10 times
• You tell me, me being open and upfront with you emotionally bothers you but I'm just expressing to you my feeling because I care
• You always get mad at me if I give you a parent like opinion and again it's because I care about you yet I get pisses on for it
• I don't feel like you are mature and I'm not trying to trigger you just you still handle so many situations the wrong way and I feel like I can't get through to you because of this
• You complain to me that I never buy you things or take you out but what you don't get is I make $1030-1130 bi weekly and the bills I pay add up to $1440 a month meaning I'm left with rough $700 for the whole month. It's extremely hard to do anything extra with only that much
• On the other hand ever week for the last month besides this week you have made over $700 meaning you made more money then I even did yet your bills come to $500 at most, this means you are left with more then $1500 a month to spend, do you see where I'm going? You are the only one in this family who has the money to spend freely
• I have tried offering you the idea of opening a joint bank account and spliting the bills so we can manage our finances like adult but you don't want to be "bound down" and having someone else managing your money
• This again is a great idea that many adult do to grow then cash adult grow some trust yet you won't even give it a shot
• You hate my music
• You hate the youtube videos I'm into
• You think a lot of stuff I do or like is stupid
• I hate that your solution to everything is we should break up
• You always make new friends and you become them
• You are just never positive and anything negative in your life you dish out on me
• there are a few more things I'd like to say but I feel like I've made my point, I hope you can read all of this and not get angry at me as this is just my feelings I'm trying to express I really what you to know where I come from, obviously you can feel how ever you want but my intentions are for good I promise you that, none if this is ment to be reasons of why I don't want to work on things or not be together just highlighting what bothers me and what I'd personally like to change and fix. You mean the world to me and as ugly as things can be I am blessed to have you by my side when I do because you can really make me feel like I'm on top of the world.
  

TL;DR - I am sharing a list of feelings and thoughts I had typed up to an ex of mine from a note I found on my 4+ year old phone I no longer use.

Submitted June 28, 2019 at 12:07AM

I am going through a old phone and saw I had a few left over notes and thought this would be cool / good to share in case others out there feel this way or need help expressing them selves to their significant other. I was in this relationship for a little longer then 3 years.I feel alone mentally and physicallyI don't feel lovedI feel like I can't talk to youI feel like you are my old selfYou never fight for my love , leaving me with the feeling that you don't really love me at allYou give up so easy and walk away so easy, again that feels like you don't really understand or love meYou say I don't do anything for you and it truly kills me insideYou talk about leaving me and that truly kills me insideWe don't agree on politics at all and because of that we can only fight about itWe don't agree on religion and as much as that normally doesn't bother me I feel like you are always changing it and not just true to yourself, I don't like that you worship the "bone lady" and give some entity gifts, I just want you to be you and believe in youYou are prejudices again the white race and guess what I'm white, I can't stop thinking about how much in general you don't like me because of thisI do feel because you don't like white people that you don't ever take me seriously but if that's not the case I still feel like you never take me seriouslyI feel like I can never speak my mind without repercussions as like I did last night with that text, I can't ever talk to you about something without you giving up or fighting me and not just listen to meI wish you would talk to me when you and I are both calm and focused but you always fight with me when everAre sex life is non existentI feel like you what dominance yet you only let me grow to become a pussyI feel like you have changed me into a pussy because I can't speak up and I have to shut my mouth on everythingWe can't have good sex when I can't be myselfI can't trust you and you take it as a jokeYou spy on me and invade the little bit of privacy that I have like my fbThat means you still have trust issues with me when I have done nothing to ruin that with you sense we got back together almost a year agoBecause you have trust issues with me and I keep catching you spying on me it makes me feel like I can't trust you and that I can't just be myself with or without youI feel like you are only ever full of hate or depression and you are never happy, now I'm sure that are many reasons why this happens but when I finally see you for the first time in 4 days and you instantly yell or and pisses because of whatever it really takes that beautiful moment of excitement and just turns it into complete hurtI don't really think you believe you ever hurt meYou tell me I never admit I'm wrong but you don't ether and I feel like I end up taking the blame 9/10 timesYou tell me, me being open and upfront with you emotionally bothers you but I'm just expressing to you my feeling because I careYou always get mad at me if I give you a parent like opinion and again it's because I care about you yet I get pisses on for itI don't feel like you are mature and I'm not trying to trigger you just you still handle so many situations the wrong way and I feel like I can't get through to you because of thisYou complain to me that I never buy you things or take you out but what you don't get is I make $1030-1130 bi weekly and the bills I pay add up to $1440 a month meaning I'm left with rough $700 for the whole month. It's extremely hard to do anything extra with only that muchOn the other hand ever week for the last month besides this week you have made over $700 meaning you made more money then I even did yet your bills come to $500 at most, this means you are left with more then $1500 a month to spend, do you see where I'm going? You are the only one in this family who has the money to spend freelyI have tried offering you the idea of opening a joint bank account and spliting the bills so we can manage our finances like adult but you don't want to be "bound down" and having someone else managing your moneyThis again is a great idea that many adult do to grow then cash adult grow some trust yet you won't even give it a shotYou hate my musicYou hate the youtube videos I'm intoYou think a lot of stuff I do or like is stupidI hate that your solution to everything is we should break upYou always make new friends and you become themYou are just never positive and anything negative in your life you dish out on methere are a few more things I'd like to say but I feel like I've made my point, I hope you can read all of this and not get angry at me as this is just my feelings I'm trying to express I really what you to know where I come from, obviously you can feel how ever you want but my intentions are for good I promise you that, none if this is ment to be reasons of why I don't want to work on things or not be together just highlighting what bothers me and what I'd personally like to change and fix. You mean the world to me and as ugly as things can be I am blessed to have you by my side when I do because you can really make me feel like I'm on top of the world.TL;DR - I am sharing a list of feelings and thoughts I had typed up to an ex of mine from a note I found on my 4+ year old phone I no longer use.