How should I handle this situation with my best friend?

Me and my best friend said we'd have sex with each other. She brought it up very strangely though. I was just casually talking about how I was demi and need a deep connection (which I have with her) to have sex. She seemingly used that as an opportunity to be like "I.. I.. I'd have sex with you.. if you wanted" (she sounded a tiny bit nervous bringing it up. Seems cool, right?

But to me, it sounded more like "I'd be fine with it", not "I want to". Then again, I have really bad paranoia, especially when it comes to thinking about how people value me. A lot of sex to me is being wanted so that kinda hurts to think about. Then again, she did say something along the lines of "Good thing I claimed you first" when I said someone else said they would fuck me which would imply want otherwise why would she care about "claiming me first"?

Anyways, tonight we're talking and she was talking about how she might meet another friend who she's known for years before she meets me (this person manipulated her a fuck ton and took advantage of her sexually online) and I jokingly asked "What would you guys do together?" knowing he's a massive sex pest and she was like "Fuck lol" and I was like "Well, do you want to?" and she was like "Yes!" enthusiastically. That enthusiasm doesn't seem to be there for me aside from the "Good thing I claimed you first" bit. They talk about sex quite a lot meanwhile I've just been trying to communicate with her on the things she'd be comfy with and all ahead of time and she's been hesitant to talk about it (she was also hyperfocused on a game and all + had a little depressive spell so I'm sure that impacted things).

I'm honestly feeling kinda jealous and hurt. Is it bad to feel jealous and hurt in this situation? How should I navigate this situation? Honestly, just being able to gauge whether she like actually WANTS and is enthusiastic to have sex with me would solve this (which I'm planning on bringing up when we discuss it). Also, worth mentioning that maybe she just hasn't really shown much enthusiasm because our relationship is a lot different (we have a strong foundation) and that guy always brings up having sex with her so maybe she'd feel weird or awkward showing enthusiasm with me since our relationship is built on a lot more than that and because sex talk is so normalized in their relationship.



Submitted August 25, 2021 at 11:59PM

Me and my best friend said we'd have sex with each other. She brought it up very strangely though. I was just casually talking about how I was demi and need a deep connection (which I have with her) to have sex. She seemingly used that as an opportunity to be like "I.. I.. I'd have sex with you.. if you wanted" (she sounded a tiny bit nervous bringing it up. Seems cool, right?But to me, it sounded more like "I'd be fine with it", not "I want to". Then again, I have really bad paranoia, especially when it comes to thinking about how people value me. A lot of sex to me is being wanted so that kinda hurts to think about. Then again, she did say something along the lines of "Good thing I claimed you first" when I said someone else said they would fuck me which would imply want otherwise why would she care about "claiming me first"?Anyways, tonight we're talking and she was talking about how she might meet another friend who she's known for years before she meets me (this person manipulated her a fuck ton and took advantage of her sexually online) and I jokingly asked "What would you guys do together?" knowing he's a massive sex pest and she was like "Fuck lol" and I was like "Well, do you want to?" and she was like "Yes!" enthusiastically. That enthusiasm doesn't seem to be there for me aside from the "Good thing I claimed you first" bit. They talk about sex quite a lot meanwhile I've just been trying to communicate with her on the things she'd be comfy with and all ahead of time and she's been hesitant to talk about it (she was also hyperfocused on a game and all + had a little depressive spell so I'm sure that impacted things).I'm honestly feeling kinda jealous and hurt. Is it bad to feel jealous and hurt in this situation? How should I navigate this situation? Honestly, just being able to gauge whether she like actually WANTS and is enthusiastic to have sex with me would solve this (which I'm planning on bringing up when we discuss it). Also, worth mentioning that maybe she just hasn't really shown much enthusiasm because our relationship is a lot different (we have a strong foundation) and that guy always brings up having sex with her so maybe she'd feel weird or awkward showing enthusiasm with me since our relationship is built on a lot more than that and because sex talk is so normalized in their relationship.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more