How should I handle this situation with my best friend?

Me and my best friend said we'd have sex with each other. She brought it up very strangely though. I was just casually talking about how I was demi and need a deep connection (which I have with her) to have sex. She seemingly used that as an opportunity to be like "I.. I.. I'd have sex with you.. if you wanted" (she sounded a tiny bit nervous bringing it up. Seems cool, right?

But to me, it sounded more like "I'd be fine with it", not "I want to". Then again, I have really bad paranoia, especially when it comes to thinking about how people value me. A lot of sex to me is being wanted so that kinda hurts to think about. Then again, she did say something along the lines of "Good thing I claimed you first" when I said someone else said they would fuck me which would imply want otherwise why would she care about "claiming me first"?

Anyways, tonight we're talking and she was talking about how she might meet another friend who she's known for years before she meets me (this person manipulated her a fuck ton and took advantage of her sexually online) and I jokingly asked "What would you guys do together?" knowing he's a massive sex pest and she was like "Fuck lol" and I was like "Well, do you want to?" and she was like "Yes!" enthusiastically. That enthusiasm doesn't seem to be there for me aside from the "Good thing I claimed you first" bit. They talk about sex quite a lot meanwhile I've just been trying to communicate with her on the things she'd be comfy with and all ahead of time and she's been hesitant to talk about it (she was also hyperfocused on a game and all + had a little depressive spell so I'm sure that impacted things).

I'm honestly feeling kinda jealous and hurt. Is it bad to feel jealous and hurt in this situation? How should I navigate this situation? Honestly, just being able to gauge whether she like actually WANTS and is enthusiastic to have sex with me would solve this (which I'm planning on bringing up when we discuss it). Also, worth mentioning that maybe she just hasn't really shown much enthusiasm because our relationship is a lot different (we have a strong foundation) and that guy always brings up having sex with her so maybe she'd feel weird or awkward showing enthusiasm with me since our relationship is built on a lot more than that and because sex talk is so normalized in their relationship.



Submitted August 25, 2021 at 11:59PM

Me and my best friend said we'd have sex with each other. She brought it up very strangely though. I was just casually talking about how I was demi and need a deep connection (which I have with her) to have sex. She seemingly used that as an opportunity to be like "I.. I.. I'd have sex with you.. if you wanted" (she sounded a tiny bit nervous bringing it up. Seems cool, right?But to me, it sounded more like "I'd be fine with it", not "I want to". Then again, I have really bad paranoia, especially when it comes to thinking about how people value me. A lot of sex to me is being wanted so that kinda hurts to think about. Then again, she did say something along the lines of "Good thing I claimed you first" when I said someone else said they would fuck me which would imply want otherwise why would she care about "claiming me first"?Anyways, tonight we're talking and she was talking about how she might meet another friend who she's known for years before she meets me (this person manipulated her a fuck ton and took advantage of her sexually online) and I jokingly asked "What would you guys do together?" knowing he's a massive sex pest and she was like "Fuck lol" and I was like "Well, do you want to?" and she was like "Yes!" enthusiastically. That enthusiasm doesn't seem to be there for me aside from the "Good thing I claimed you first" bit. They talk about sex quite a lot meanwhile I've just been trying to communicate with her on the things she'd be comfy with and all ahead of time and she's been hesitant to talk about it (she was also hyperfocused on a game and all + had a little depressive spell so I'm sure that impacted things).I'm honestly feeling kinda jealous and hurt. Is it bad to feel jealous and hurt in this situation? How should I navigate this situation? Honestly, just being able to gauge whether she like actually WANTS and is enthusiastic to have sex with me would solve this (which I'm planning on bringing up when we discuss it). Also, worth mentioning that maybe she just hasn't really shown much enthusiasm because our relationship is a lot different (we have a strong foundation) and that guy always brings up having sex with her so maybe she'd feel weird or awkward showing enthusiasm with me since our relationship is built on a lot more than that and because sex talk is so normalized in their relationship.
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