Alone and single in a foreign country, will i always be like this?(support/advice please)

A throwaway account(cuz embarassing).

I bring this to reddit because i have no one to talk to lately. My close friends i can talk to about this stuff have all been too busy to talk to me much and most of my family ignored me this holiday as well. i even saw on Facebook they spent it all together at my moms house but no one even thought to video, call, or even text me. I(27f) needed to vent this out because of how lonely my holiday season has been and it just put me in a place where i really just wish a had an SO.

I'm a western woman in asia. Tall, thick, and dark skinned. I've never had a real boyfriend (i don't consider my highschool boyfriend real because more or less it was forced on me) i probably have more finger than I've had dates, and my love life is just an underdeveloped mess from childhood trauma and family issues that i internalized in a not good way.

I would say i love myself and most days i pass a mirror i usually see someone beautiful, but I'm overtly aware that i do not match the pale skinned, thin, petite beauty standard of the country I'm in at all and on those days i can admit to feeing dejected. I try to keep positive and I've tried dating but a combination of being a rarity to conquer and just not fully understanding the dating norms has played me on many occasions. I ended up on my back too many times before i realized the guys i thought would take me seriously just wanted to run to their friends later to tell about their wild night with a foreign girl and when i found guys from my own country here they had a whole other life going on back home or were offering something i didn't want that made me immediately back up.

I've been here 2.5 years and I've tried all the advice I've been given. date online, only in person, join clubs and activities, just focus on yourself, etc.etc.

i want to make clear those last two things i don't do in hopes of finding a partner only, i did join my clubs and regularly go (when covid let's us outside) and i just work on my other skills i want to improve and that makes me so much happier and fuller! I made friends and connections and get to see so many beautiful things in this new country, but i always wanted to experience the love and affections of a partner and i want to give that back to someone as well. It's maybe selfish but it's one of the things i never got to have and especially during times like this i wish i had someone.

I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or If I'm just not trying hard enough or if I'm just too foolhardy, but I'll be 30 in 3 years and i feel like at this point, if I'm 27 and no one has ever wanted me enough to consider me seriously will anyone?



Submitted January 01, 2021 at 11:34PM

A throwaway account(cuz embarassing).I bring this to reddit because i have no one to talk to lately. My close friends i can talk to about this stuff have all been too busy to talk to me much and most of my family ignored me this holiday as well. i even saw on Facebook they spent it all together at my moms house but no one even thought to video, call, or even text me. I(27f) needed to vent this out because of how lonely my holiday season has been and it just put me in a place where i really just wish a had an SO.I'm a western woman in asia. Tall, thick, and dark skinned. I've never had a real boyfriend (i don't consider my highschool boyfriend real because more or less it was forced on me) i probably have more finger than I've had dates, and my love life is just an underdeveloped mess from childhood trauma and family issues that i internalized in a not good way.I would say i love myself and most days i pass a mirror i usually see someone beautiful, but I'm overtly aware that i do not match the pale skinned, thin, petite beauty standard of the country I'm in at all and on those days i can admit to feeing dejected. I try to keep positive and I've tried dating but a combination of being a rarity to conquer and just not fully understanding the dating norms has played me on many occasions. I ended up on my back too many times before i realized the guys i thought would take me seriously just wanted to run to their friends later to tell about their wild night with a foreign girl and when i found guys from my own country here they had a whole other life going on back home or were offering something i didn't want that made me immediately back up.I've been here 2.5 years and I've tried all the advice I've been given. date online, only in person, join clubs and activities, just focus on yourself, etc.etc.i want to make clear those last two things i don't do in hopes of finding a partner only, i did join my clubs and regularly go (when covid let's us outside) and i just work on my other skills i want to improve and that makes me so much happier and fuller! I made friends and connections and get to see so many beautiful things in this new country, but i always wanted to experience the love and affections of a partner and i want to give that back to someone as well. It's maybe selfish but it's one of the things i never got to have and especially during times like this i wish i had someone.I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or If I'm just not trying hard enough or if I'm just too foolhardy, but I'll be 30 in 3 years and i feel like at this point, if I'm 27 and no one has ever wanted me enough to consider me seriously will anyone?
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