Torn whether to divorce husband (32m) over drugs

My (32f) husband (32m) has been a drug addict for 4 years now. I am not a drug user and find it to be hurting our relationship immensely. He stays down in his basement office pretty much 24/7 and RARELY comes to bed. When he does, there is no intimacy. He is a very sweet, caring person who claims to love me with all of his heart. He says I'm the most important person in his life and without me there is nothing to live for. He threatened to do all of his drugs and kill himself if I left him. Obviously this is a toxic situation and he needs help. However, he refuses to get it, saying when he was forced Into rehab by his family it was the most traumatic thing that has ever happend to him and he vowed to get off drugs on his own terms and not be forced the next time.

He has promised to get off drugs but hasn't. We have been fighting for 3 weeks now about his lying, hiding, and new found friendship with his new female drug dealer that I am not all about. I'm sure nothing is going on with them, as he is not that kind of a person and is a bit on the spectrum, so interactions with people he views as basically business at all times, but still it doesn't feel good because he lied about it multiple times. He has been very open after our extensive talks about everything he does, and where he goes and what he is doing, and let's me read through his phone.

After all this, I dont feel like I can ever trust him while he is on drugs. He says he will get off by November but I can't pester him and try and control the situation. He also says he gets too freaked out when we fight all the time and can't focus on getting clean when he is so stressed out. I'm at my wits end. Do I give him another chance? I married this person because he is literally my dream partner minus the drugs and the resulting behaviors. It would suck to throw him away if he really gets off drugs. Am I naive to think if I meet his requests that he will actually get off? He says he hates his life and wants to get off of them. I just don't know what to think anymore.

tl;dr: husband says he will get off drugs if i dont pester or fight with him. Should i believe him, or just move on?



Submitted August 06, 2020 at 11:53PM

My (32f) husband (32m) has been a drug addict for 4 years now. I am not a drug user and find it to be hurting our relationship immensely. He stays down in his basement office pretty much 24/7 and RARELY comes to bed. When he does, there is no intimacy. He is a very sweet, caring person who claims to love me with all of his heart. He says I'm the most important person in his life and without me there is nothing to live for. He threatened to do all of his drugs and kill himself if I left him. Obviously this is a toxic situation and he needs help. However, he refuses to get it, saying when he was forced Into rehab by his family it was the most traumatic thing that has ever happend to him and he vowed to get off drugs on his own terms and not be forced the next time.He has promised to get off drugs but hasn't. We have been fighting for 3 weeks now about his lying, hiding, and new found friendship with his new female drug dealer that I am not all about. I'm sure nothing is going on with them, as he is not that kind of a person and is a bit on the spectrum, so interactions with people he views as basically business at all times, but still it doesn't feel good because he lied about it multiple times. He has been very open after our extensive talks about everything he does, and where he goes and what he is doing, and let's me read through his phone.After all this, I dont feel like I can ever trust him while he is on drugs. He says he will get off by November but I can't pester him and try and control the situation. He also says he gets too freaked out when we fight all the time and can't focus on getting clean when he is so stressed out. I'm at my wits end. Do I give him another chance? I married this person because he is literally my dream partner minus the drugs and the resulting behaviors. It would suck to throw him away if he really gets off drugs. Am I naive to think if I meet his requests that he will actually get off? He says he hates his life and wants to get off of them. I just don't know what to think anymore.tl;dr: husband says he will get off drugs if i dont pester or fight with him. Should i believe him, or just move on?
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