Torn whether to divorce husband (32m) over drugs

My (32f) husband (32m) has been a drug addict for 4 years now. I am not a drug user and find it to be hurting our relationship immensely. He stays down in his basement office pretty much 24/7 and RARELY comes to bed. When he does, there is no intimacy. He is a very sweet, caring person who claims to love me with all of his heart. He says I'm the most important person in his life and without me there is nothing to live for. He threatened to do all of his drugs and kill himself if I left him. Obviously this is a toxic situation and he needs help. However, he refuses to get it, saying when he was forced Into rehab by his family it was the most traumatic thing that has ever happend to him and he vowed to get off drugs on his own terms and not be forced the next time.

He has promised to get off drugs but hasn't. We have been fighting for 3 weeks now about his lying, hiding, and new found friendship with his new female drug dealer that I am not all about. I'm sure nothing is going on with them, as he is not that kind of a person and is a bit on the spectrum, so interactions with people he views as basically business at all times, but still it doesn't feel good because he lied about it multiple times. He has been very open after our extensive talks about everything he does, and where he goes and what he is doing, and let's me read through his phone.

After all this, I dont feel like I can ever trust him while he is on drugs. He says he will get off by November but I can't pester him and try and control the situation. He also says he gets too freaked out when we fight all the time and can't focus on getting clean when he is so stressed out. I'm at my wits end. Do I give him another chance? I married this person because he is literally my dream partner minus the drugs and the resulting behaviors. It would suck to throw him away if he really gets off drugs. Am I naive to think if I meet his requests that he will actually get off? He says he hates his life and wants to get off of them. I just don't know what to think anymore.

tl;dr: husband says he will get off drugs if i dont pester or fight with him. Should i believe him, or just move on?



Submitted August 06, 2020 at 11:53PM

My (32f) husband (32m) has been a drug addict for 4 years now. I am not a drug user and find it to be hurting our relationship immensely. He stays down in his basement office pretty much 24/7 and RARELY comes to bed. When he does, there is no intimacy. He is a very sweet, caring person who claims to love me with all of his heart. He says I'm the most important person in his life and without me there is nothing to live for. He threatened to do all of his drugs and kill himself if I left him. Obviously this is a toxic situation and he needs help. However, he refuses to get it, saying when he was forced Into rehab by his family it was the most traumatic thing that has ever happend to him and he vowed to get off drugs on his own terms and not be forced the next time.He has promised to get off drugs but hasn't. We have been fighting for 3 weeks now about his lying, hiding, and new found friendship with his new female drug dealer that I am not all about. I'm sure nothing is going on with them, as he is not that kind of a person and is a bit on the spectrum, so interactions with people he views as basically business at all times, but still it doesn't feel good because he lied about it multiple times. He has been very open after our extensive talks about everything he does, and where he goes and what he is doing, and let's me read through his phone.After all this, I dont feel like I can ever trust him while he is on drugs. He says he will get off by November but I can't pester him and try and control the situation. He also says he gets too freaked out when we fight all the time and can't focus on getting clean when he is so stressed out. I'm at my wits end. Do I give him another chance? I married this person because he is literally my dream partner minus the drugs and the resulting behaviors. It would suck to throw him away if he really gets off drugs. Am I naive to think if I meet his requests that he will actually get off? He says he hates his life and wants to get off of them. I just don't know what to think anymore.tl;dr: husband says he will get off drugs if i dont pester or fight with him. Should i believe him, or just move on?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more